We need to take a minute to talk about the madness that is New England super markets before a snowstorm.
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
Our Facebook page is suspended again, so make sure you to LIKE THE LOST BOYS OF TURTLE Facebook page to keep up with our latest blogs.
Have people around here never seen snow before? Because I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything quite like every supermarket I passed by today. It was insane. Like, it’s gonna be fine tomorrow. Everyone knows that right? All that powdered milk you bought today is gonna get thrown in the trash once you realize you can just order a pizza on Sunday. Turtleboy just needed some cream today. That’s it. Because only a savage drinks their coffee black. And Honey Farms doesn’t sell that good flavored stuff so we made the mistake of dealing with one of these mobs today. It was awful. Someone sent us this picture from their trip to the Webster Price Chopper which kind of illustrates exactly what Turtleboy went through, and also is the funniest picture we’ve ever seen.
That face you make when you’re standing in line with the mob and everyone’s got a cart full of emergency provisions and all you wanna do is just buy your tacos and get the fuck out of there.
We feel your pain bro. Sometimes you just need to eat a taco.
It’s insane. The whole concept of picking a line at the super market is outdated and archaic. It’s such bullshit. You see three lines. One of them has 4 people, one has 3 people, and one has 2 people. You have to instantly analyze so many factors so you don’t get boned:
- How much shit does each person have in their car?
- Is the person running the register a lethargic teenager with no fucks to give, an older person with nothing but time to kill, the new guy who can’t figure out how the machine works and has to call the manager, or the vibrant youngster who just started their shift and isn’t completely burnt out yet?
- Does the ringer have a bagger, or do they have to do both jobs?
- The line with two people looks appealing, but does either of these customers look like somehow who has a wristlet full of coupons which they will slowly use one at a time?
- Do any of the people in line look like they’re the type who don’t mind disputing the cost of a product, thus forcing the clerk to call over a manager and have someone run to that aisle to see what the listed sales price is?
It’s such bullshit. Should be first come, first serve. When I’m at CVS and I see two lines I always stand directly in the middle of the two lines. When someone comes from behind me and asks me what line I’m in I say, “whatever one gets me to the front first.” Because why should you go before me if I got there before you? I have everything to lose by picking a line. If you get to the register before me, you win. If you get to the register after me, it’s a draw because you got in line after me. You can’t lose, but I can’t win.
Here’s another thing. Notice the lines go all the way back to the aisles.
When I’m coming down aisle 7, and I need to make a quick stop in aisle 6 to pick up some cat litter, how am I supposed to make that hairpin turn when there’s some poor fool getting ready for the zombie apocalypse blocking my way with a cart full of powdered milk while standing in line for checkout counter 12?
Super markets need to do what Marshall’s does, because Marshall’s is the greatest store that has ever existed. Everyone stands in one gigantic line. When a register is open the light goes on and the next person in line goes to that register. It’s the only way to run a store in a civilized society.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.
52 Comment(s)
“I’m all lost in the supermarket
I can no longer shop happily
I came in here for that special offer
A guaranteed personality”…..The Clash
So tb I’m 66, army vet, shoulder length hair,big mustache, ride a Harley and have always taken my coffee black. In addition to being a savage what other opinions do you have of me? Oh ya not so much as a speeding ticket since 1967
I know that guy… hes gonna fill that taco with vasiline….. bet
Dear Gronk Fan, the word you are looking for is empathize. Misusing emphasize in multiple posts emphasizes your lack of English language command. I empathize with the high school English teacher that read your papers.
If I notice the customer behind me has an item or two, I always allow them to go ahead of me. And I’m with the other TB commentator, in the event of a snow storm forecast, I’ll pay a little extra at the corner store versus buying one item at the supermarket. Fact: The average family has enough food in their home to last 2-3 days, probably more.. Come on people.
I have this uncanny ability to **always** pick the wrong register. Seriously.
One time, a customer in front of me pulled out a book of coupons and scissors — then proceeded to cut coupons right there at the register. WTF????
Or the ones that sign up for a store card AT the register. *sigh*
What they need to fucking do is give some incentive to the ringers for the amount of people they get through their line. And then watch the lines move faster!
idk..turtleboy is losing its appeal..guess its 24 7 breitbart now
Honestly I look at the pic and I can’t see people loading up on powdered milk? Maybe in the next pic’s?
My first question would be, what the hell were you doing in Webster to begin with?
Take a better look at the picture.
You have a guy with his cart full of the weeks groceries trying to get home and in front of him is an angry dude in his pajamas with a box of Tacos. Emphasize for who?
Turtle you could have said.
Okay angry Taco shell guy, you at least could have put on your big boy pants at home before shopping or changed at the YMCA.
Let’s be honest Turtleboy.
You could have written, ‘Welfare scum holds up the line for a box of Tacos’.
I emphasize with the proud elderly woman in the pressed/clean white coat in the middle of the picture who is probably thinking.
‘I lost my husband and two sons fighting for this country and all I get is $900 and a line full of lazy welfare baby factories in pajamas?’.
To Turtleboy,
What happened to your disclaimer that you have millions of views a month when in reality it seems like it’s only the same ten people here?
WOW! You have all exposed yourselves as being self important gutter slugs. Good for you.
Go live on Ketchup packets Turd, keep drooling over guys in Basketball shorts Fiesty.
No wonder you like to post about tweaked out stupid teenage kids on drugs, they will grow up to be you.
And you’ll grow up to be Jeff Neal.
You seem upset. Dick too small for basketball shorts? What a shame…
There are some women who wouldn’t mind a tiny piglet pecker. Don’t stop looking for love!
It’s true. Even me with my tiny dick was able to land a woman. Yes, she is manjawed and cuckolds me on a daily basis, but I am living proof that size doesn’t matter. But it sounds l ike you might be even less endowed than me, so maybe you do have a legitimate problem after all other than your stupid name.
You had basketball shorts on at the time? Did you hook up with someone we all know and love?
Burlington coat factory has one line everyone gets in and you hear *BING NOW SERVING REGISTER 3
Next person goes….the line looks crazy long sometimes but if 6 registers are open and 12 people are in line its really like 2 people in 6 lines except fair. But then again at a grocery store you still need that 10 items or less line. And lock that shit down and bounce Mr 11 items…… Gotta draw that line somewhere….put back the kit Kat and stop at 7/11 on the wayvhome they have them there…..
Always wondered if the candy/gum/etc at the register counts against that limit.
Sounds like a good idea for a blog, TBS.
Old time New Englander solution: When they say snow, shop.
make a list and go 24-48 hours BEFORE a srorm starts.
Side note: if you have a gas grill, fill the tank in October. If you lose power, you can still make coffee.
What the f**k kind of coffee you making on the grill? Instant???blah. Old school percolator coffee with the metal filter? Better. Better yet, a small appliance generator to run a Keurig and charge a smart phone.
French press. That’s roughing it when the Saeco can’t be powered
Ah, yes. A perfectly acceptable alternative. My apologies.
Is the concept of an express lane for the 10 items or less lost on Price Chopper? I don’t see any express lanes or self checkout lanes either. Both of those will speed things up.
Or if the guy had been thinking, he could have probably just gone to taco bell and asked one of the employees there to sell him some taco shells on the side and slid them $10. Would have been worth it just to not be stuck in that shitass line.
That store has them. The person taking the picture must have been standing in front of the self check out.
I’m sorry you one item buying shopping faggots but that’s why there are mini marts and super markets.
I like mushrooms… clouds kind of look like mushrooms… I smell toast… I want butter and jelly on my toast… jellybeans are like magic pills…
Paul Larson
Do you like mushroom tip soup too?
Not to mention the store is probably full of 65+ grey heads who just got their SSI checks and are probably not looking forward to going home to carry their groceries into their affordable apartment and shovel their walks while they clutch their Life Alert.
I had the pleasure of the W Mountain st Price Chopper today around noon. Total cluster, every register open, no speedy lane (I had 1 item as well) and everyone seemed pissed off. I did get out in a fairly reasonable amount of time however.
We were there at the same time then… It wasn’t too bad. I checked out fairly quickly at 15 items or less by a bored teenage boy who was pleasant and fast.
Meh nevermind… I was there at around 3:30…
I went to w mountain at 9am. heaven. three open registers and nobody there. yet.
Why complain about a problem you contribute to? You can bet your ass there is someone stuck inline who worked 70 hours this week and when they get the half day on Saturday they are thinking ‘Just fuckin great, I finally get time to go grocery shopping and I’ve got to choose to be in a line behind an unemployable asshole with Taco shells or a douche with a half gallon of coffee cream!!! These people probably had all week to shop…grrr.’.
Funny you should say you needed to get coffee creamer. That’s just what I needed as well. I went to Shaw’s in Auburn. That place was also packed. Lines were so long but they did move right along. All in all not too bad.
What “good flavored stuff” can’t you get at Honey Farms? Talk to Doc, fell.
Guy looks kinda fit, I would let him go ahead of me so I can look at his bum…
I sometimes let women go ahead of me in line just so I can stare at their ass. Same thing with always letting women exit the elevator at work first too.
Atta boy!!
It’s also why women enjoy a man who wears basketball shorts, just ask any woman lol…
Men wearing basketball shorts is the equivalent of a woman wearing Leggings with a thong, or having a semi-camel toe.
There was a woman ahead of my husband I in the line. She had a big butt!! I pretend I was going to rest my water bottle on it to make my hubby laugh but he swatted my hand down and almost hit her bum… what a nightmare. He says that’s why he can’t bring me places. Party pooper lol…
Kind of did that the last time I went to Price Chopper (the Webster one). Out of allthelines, I picked the one with the cute college girl in yoga pants in front of me. I pretended to read the tabloids.
“Hmm… Steve Irwin was murdered? Prince Charles was indicted for Diana’s murder by a secret military tribunal? Interesting.”
While the other part of my brain is going, “Bend over. Bend over. Oh God please bend over…”
Hahahahahahahaha!!
Did she bend over or were your efforts a waste?! Next time drop something near her and if she’s nice she will pick it up.
I know all the tricks!
She bent over to get stuff from the bottom of her cart.
It was glorious.
I agree. Same with Toys r Us at Christmas time (Black Friday bullshit excluded.) There is a HUGE line. As a register becomes available, they take the next customer in that mile long line. Problem solved. What pisses me off is when you are waiting in the center of CVS and someone comes out of an aisle and into the line that clearly looks like they are just finishing up with a customer. Usually an older person. You can’t very well look at them and say “HEY….BACK OF THE LINE GRAMPS!” That wouldn’t be nice.
Oh yes you can. Honestly there needs to be a line just for senile old people. The last 5 times I’ve been to Rite-Aid (for ONE THING, mind you) I’ve been stuck behind some codger doing all of their shopping for the month, who doesn’t know how coupons work, and doesn’t understand that you need to leave your card in the chip reader.
That guys wife probably forced that guy to go get the taco shells because SHE forget to get them when she bought the lettuce, tomatoes, and hamburger the day before. Total BS. Make her go. Or eat something else and have the tacos tomorrow.
My wife used to do that same shit to me, but all you have to do is buy the wrong thing a couple of times and they’ll stop asking you to do that. Like she would ask for milk so I’d come back with whole instead of skim and act like I didn’t know there was a difference. Try it out…trust me, it works.
You got that shit right! Instead it was market basket and a wife who forgot the damn cilantro
Pay a little extra and you can buy that flavored cream at Cumbys. No fucking nightmares of dealing with the ” I gotta get the bread & milk” people cuz it’s fucking snowing. I HATE YOU PEOPLE!
Or you can go into Chik Fil A and load your pockets up. They have both Vanilla and Hazelnut mini moos by the condiments area. As a one time starving college student on a tight budget, I used to bring home a handful of those as well as extra ketchup every time I ate there. When e needed some plastic forks, spoons, knives, we’d go eat at Wendy’s and stock up while we wre there.