Current events

The Aunt Becky College Bribe Scandal Is What Happens When We Tell Stupid Kids That They Need To Go To College


The big story over the last 48 hours has been the college admissions scandal in which a bunch of rich parents paid some guy un-Godly amounts of money to get their undeserving crotch fruits into college. A lot of people are mad because they cut the line and blah, blah, blah. I don’t really care about that. If you were on the bubble anyway you probably got in somewhere else. Rich people get shit in this country because they have money. Don’t like it? Stop being poor.

Among those arrested were Lori Loughlin (Aunt Becky) and Felicity Huffman (Lynette Scavo). The former paid $500,000 for her two airhead daughters to get into USC by pretending to be members of the crew team, and the latter paid $15,000 for someone else to take her crotch fruit’s SATs. Of course the blue checkmark mafia is blaming it all on white privilege.

Even though a bunch of the non-celebrity rich parents are Latino, and this could be done by anyone with the money to do it. But let’s not let FACKS get in the way of a good narrative.

This whole thing is so stupid because college is so overrated anyway. All you need to do is listen to AOC talk for five minutes and you’ll see how meaningless a degree really is. I have a college degree and I kind wish I could get a refund on it because I don’t really need it. Don’t get me wrong, I had a GREAT time at UMass, and I met some great friends that I’ll have for life. But at the same time, I could’ve been creating Turtleboy instead of getting a bunch of C’s and D’s so I could graduate and become a teacher. Society teaches us that we MUST do well in high school so that we can go to college. Free college tuition and “everyone should be able to go to college” are the buzzwords of the left today.

But why? Why aren’t we teaching kids to be creative and entrepreneurial? Why are we teaching them that they should work their ass off in order to get a good job where someone else will dictate for them how much they make and what they can and cannot do? Why aren’t we teaching kids to BECOME the job? As Jay-Z once said, “I’m not a businessman; I’m a business, man.” The most successful people in this country are those who start with an idea. They think of something that people want that there is a demand for. Then they think of a way to make it and sell it at a rate that allows them to live off of it.

That’s what Turtleboy does. There was a demand for unadulterated, non-filtered down hot takes. People wanted the news brought to them in a different way, so I created a website that allows anonymous contributors to “speak their truths.” And what do ya know? Millions of people like to read that sort of stuff. There’s no reason I couldn’t have started Turtleboy in 2004 instead of 2014.

These rich parents have completely bought into the “go to school, get good grades, and get a good job” narrative. They thought the only way to measure the success of their crotch fruits was by what college they got into. But the problem was that their kids are idiots, and it’s mainly their fault. This is Aunt Becky’s kid, Olivia Jade.

She’s an Instagram and YouTube “influencer” who probably makes a shit ton of money  being stupid while good looking. She has nearly 4 million followers on those platforms, and does absolutely nothing except take pictures of herself and babble nonsense into an iPhone.



And this is everything that is wrong with our society today. I saw this all the time teaching at Shepherd Hill. There are TONS of girls who look up to morons like this and aspire to be them. The Kardashians, who only exist to be impregnated by athletes and rappers, have more followers on social media than Trump and Hillary combined. They do nothing, they have nothing interesting to talk about, and yet this is exactly why millions of teenage girls aspire to be them. Because they themselves are not interesting and have almost nothing to talk about. They don’t vote, they have no interest whatsoever in politics or history, and their only hope in life is to look good enough so that they can bag a rich husband and live like a Kardashian until they die.

I tried to connect with girls like this when I was teaching and it was impossible. You could talk about the most interesting parts of American history and they just did not give a shit. They just wanted to know what day the quiz was, and when the homework was due so that they could go through the motions, get their C+, and not get grounded before the keg party.

The Kardashians are glamorized because of their lack of understanding of civics, history, and anything that doesn’t involve an IG filter that makes their ass look big. So why are we urging people like this to go to college? They obviously have no interest in it. Just ask Olivia Jade at USC.

But guess what? Olivia Jade doesn’t need college. She’s got 4 million followers already. She is doing the most fundamental thing you can do as a capitalist – supplying a demand. Being a dumb white chick IS her job. There is demand for that. Nothing she can learn at USC will be as valuable as this:

This is what she’s good at – being stupid and empty. And that’s OK, because stupid people can do well for themselves in America too.

So the bottom line is, stop valuing college because it’s really not that valuable unless you know what you want to major in and you need to go to college to get the job you want. When you make it seem like it’s something everyone should do then you get “scandals” like this. For what it’s worth I don’t even think these people should be charged. Lucky sperm get shit that regular people don’t. Just ask Ivanka Trump. The real criminals are the colleges that charge ridiculous tuitions for worthless degrees in gender studies.


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62 Comment(s)
  • Ed Marky
    March 14, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    For one million dollars I can get you into the salter school certificate program specializing in office operations.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 14, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    Never held a job, mommy pays for everything.

    In effect, useless as wife except for the sex part. And then you get old and lose that too.

    • Barney Fwank
      March 14, 2019 at 8:59 pm

      Hot Bottom, what do you mean no sex?

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    March 14, 2019 at 12:54 pm

    TB commenters talking about college is like Trump talking about ethics.

  • Carlos Danger
    March 14, 2019 at 12:16 pm

    Shame on Olivia and she is guilty as sin. I hereby sentence her to community service at my house every Friday and Saturday night for the next five years.

  • Joe College
    March 14, 2019 at 8:48 am

    College is useful if for nothing else because you meet and make friendships with a different class of people, compared with the stiffs who drink in the neighborhood bar 4 nights a week. Paying $40,000+ a year to attend a 2nd tier school makes zero sense, why get a degree from Clark for instance that nobody cares about or has even heard of outside of MA when you could’ve received the same exact thing from Framingham State or Umass Boston for 1/4 of the cost?

    • Murt Burful
      March 15, 2019 at 8:46 pm

      Caught a segment on Howie Carr’s show today, they mentioned BU just raised rates. Tuition + room&board is over $73,000 a year. And I’m sure that they are turning away thousands each year. Howie countered how his youngest daughter is in her last year at BC and just mailed in his last tuition payment. He and his producer were both making points that it doesn’t really matter what school you went to, except for the elites. I like Howie but there is no way he would send his daughter to Salem State or Framingham State. The wealthy have to uphold an image, Howie is aware of that and so are all of the other morons spending $73k a year. For the majority of people, college is unnecessary. Men, and especially women, will make more money and have better qualities of life if they got involved in trades. Sure their is some cost involved, but nothing like a college tuition.

  • Dirty Sanchez
    March 14, 2019 at 8:48 am

    Oliviajade’s SAT score may be terrible but she is a perfect 10 in her extra curriculars….

  • Bob Kraft
    March 14, 2019 at 8:39 am

    OliviaJade and her mom are the reason I prefer $20 Handies at the Korean Massage Parlor

    • Jeffrey Epstein
      March 14, 2019 at 8:40 am

      Agreed Bob They are good if you catch them between the ages of 12 to 15, but they are no good after that…

      • Eliott Spitzer
        March 14, 2019 at 8:42 am

        Hi All. I knew a girl like Olivia Jade once. She earned a good living at 1k an hour and I always left her a Benjamin for tip

        • Bill Clinton
          March 14, 2019 at 8:46 am

          Eliott my man! How are ya missing the Gov’s mansion much? Me too – the days away from 1600 Pennsylvania have been tough. OliviaJade could be interning for me right now and she would have gotten into Harvard ….
          I told my last 18 year old intern – Honey, you may never be able to get into the presidency but would you like to see how the presidency feels inside you?

  • Deflateddoritodinks
    March 14, 2019 at 8:32 am

    My kid started doing a sport she liked when she was 8 years old. Her high school coach was a trainer at this college and sophomore year told me she would be good at the sport in college. She got a partial scholarship and won a national championship. She also got into another seven sister school which did not offer a scholarship. I was shocked as shit. I never pushed her or anything and really was hoping she went to Umass and got an accounting degree. The parents should have just provided the kids capital for some bullshit marketing business because it seems what their kids are good at.

    • ROD the Rich Old Dick
      March 14, 2019 at 8:50 am

      And sucking rich old dick because she looks like she would be good at that too

  • Richyrich
    March 14, 2019 at 8:03 am

    TBS makes a good point. I have a daughter that is graduating from UNH in a couple of months, and the stories she has told me about apathetic undergrads that don’t show up for class, don’t contribute to group projects, don’t turn in their work on time, and don’t study for exams that left me astonished. She tells me these are kids that don’t even want to be in college to begin with but are being forced by their parents. WTF has happened? I myself am a UNH alumni class of 86. Every single person I knew there wanted to be there, and wanted to do well. At least back then, the cost of college had not gone completely insane, and it was still a worthwhile economic gamble. No longer the case. I think these wealthy helicopter parents from super ZIP Codes that will do anything to get their kids into college, living in their upper-middle class bubbles have too much influence on the course of our nation, making judgements about what is good for others based on their own atypical, cloistered lives, with no exposure to American culture at large, they didn’t even see Trump coming…

  • Independent Thinker
    March 14, 2019 at 7:41 am

    The company that administers the SAT exams needs to be fully investigated. When you take the exam, you should be given a copy of the answer sheet so that you can manually score it on your own in order to ensure that their machine properly scored your answer sheet. Also, the fact that someone was able to manipulate the scores means that the system is broken.

    Colleges have always admitted connected people who made sizeable donations, which is nothing more than a bribe disguised as a donation. All it does is make the degree less valuable. AOC’s knowledge of economics has basically made an economics degree from Boston University worthless.

  • Dances with Beavers
    March 14, 2019 at 7:16 am

    The best response was from Elizabeth Warren who has no sympathy for these people who got their kids into elite universities on fraud. Media never asked her about her teaching job at Harvard , which she got based on fraud. I don’t know, but I bet that was the one question everyone wanted asked and answered.

    • Independent Thinker
      March 14, 2019 at 8:20 am

      Elizabeth Warren should also be indicted for college fraud. I still place most of the blame on the colleges for creating an environment where this was an acceptable practice. Everyone is blaming the parents. Yes, they are losers, but most parents will try to do whatever they can to help their kids. When someone gets admitted as a crew rower without having to show what they can do, then you have a problem. Music students have to audition. I guess sports is exempt, but I can remember the athletes always got waivers and special treatment.

  • Lola Bunny
    March 14, 2019 at 12:35 am

    The only reason all those wealthy people want to get their kids to go to the “best schools” is for status, to brag to people about it. It’s def not so their kids can “get a good job” after they get out. They will be set with easy-money “good jobs” anyway because that’s all “who you know” too.

    • Mr. Mike
      March 14, 2019 at 8:12 am

      What makes it more ironic is that some of these kids incorrectly claimed to be minorities. I wonder if any claimed to be American Indians?

  • Kim Un Jong
    March 13, 2019 at 11:03 pm

    ” They don’t vote, they have no interest whatsoever in politics or history, and their only hope in life is to look good enough so that they can bag a rich husband ”

    The goal of the vast majority of females since time immemorial.

    BTW History is very interesting but it’s just like taking art is to many of the spoiled girls who want to make “pretty” shit and not actually try something challenging and learn something useful, for the most part it leads nowhere.

  • Chip Striker
    March 13, 2019 at 10:49 pm

    Who gives a shit?

    Is it any worse than the ghetto rat who can barely read and write getting in because he can dunk a basketball?

  • Oh well
    March 13, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    Juilo Varela lives in Milton Ma, graduated from Harvard and complains about white privilege.

  • Stunt Penis
    March 13, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    I’m not seeing what the problem is. Colleges need extremely vacuous airheads for us men to fuck.

  • z
    March 13, 2019 at 8:39 pm

    Supposedly someone pissed out 6,500,000 so their kid could get in.
    Just give the kid the 6,500,000 and be done with it!!!!!

    One thing, this doesn’t mean the kids are automatically stupid.
    It could mean the school gets enough applicants with a A- and up and the kid is a B+.
    One of my nephews applied to a school in HS and couldn’t get in with a B+.
    He went local for a year, was a A- and tried again. He got in.
    The 1 year was about $44K/year at the private local, the one he wanted is $32K/year at
    the semi-public one. What he wants to learn is better at the $32K.
    Finance major. This kid is focused. He just missed out last year with being a summer
    intern with a Yankees farm team.

    As a former co-worker who is the COO of a big-ass Florida Credit Union once told me:

    I went to community college for 2 years and then graduated from Syracuse.
    They didn’t give a fuck I graduated from Syracuse and had transferred in when I got my
    first real job. They just cared about the Syracuse. My next job after that they
    didn’t care I went to Syracuse. They cared that I knew what I was doing.

    Worked with another guy who’s a big shot in a Fortune 500 company that is in the top 100. He has 5000 people under him. Took night classes for a degree.

    These precious sons and daughters could have seasoned themselves up at a less prestigious place for a couple of years and tried again. If they raised their game somewhere else, there’s a decent
    chance they could have made it on a second try. Or they could have tried the school of hard knocks.

    • Kim Un Jong
      March 13, 2019 at 11:09 pm

      Doubt some of them, like the Hollywood airhead above, did it for more than bragging rights: “Oh little Muffy just got accepted to USC”

      BTW her Mother was better looking at that age.

  • Capt. Stubing
    March 13, 2019 at 8:28 pm

    Jesus, who knew Good Morning San Francisco paid so fucking good…

  • Sir Francis Bacon
    March 13, 2019 at 8:23 pm

    So. I was just made aware of this. God is dead. Science and inductive reason are predicated on outcomes and NOT means. And the very people we expected to be dutiful stewards of a democratic republic have their own selfish in group preferences. WTF HAPPENED???!

    • True Reality Speaks
      True Reality Speaks
      March 13, 2019 at 9:17 pm


    • Kim Un Jong
      March 13, 2019 at 11:35 pm

      Same thing as why we still have snow unlike some of the extreme global warming predictions said: Your model sucks and is based on some ideal and ignores the reality that people cheat and fuck others over. It’s like using adiabatic and isentropic models for real life power plants or engines, the efficiencies are way off. Otherwise, communism might be a utopia instead of shit.

    • Richyrich
      March 14, 2019 at 8:21 am

      Read “Coming Apart” by Charles Murray.

  • juror seven esq.
    March 13, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    It wasn’t really a lie about crew. I understand that in high school jade was into crew. She loved to cock tease all the horny freshmen. Especially the one’s who family dressed them up in the finest J Crew clothing. Fack!!

    March 13, 2019 at 7:29 pm


  • Your Mom ... sorry kid
    March 13, 2019 at 7:26 pm

    TB is just jelly his parents were only rich enough to bribe a state school.

    • Kip Dynamite
      March 13, 2019 at 9:08 pm

      Your mom goes to college.

      • jelly jelly
        March 14, 2019 at 6:15 am

        She did … I’m guessing though in your family you are still waiting for that “first one to college” title to be given out.

  • Old Guy
    March 13, 2019 at 7:18 pm

    In the 90’s I had a high school teacher tell us all that college isn’t for everyone. In an upper middle class, then predominantly white suburb that constantly put several kids into Ivy’s, he got a lot of odd looks. 20+ years later, as I’m still in debt from four years of undergrad and one year of grad school, I can see it. Not going to college wasn’t an option for me as I knew what I wanted and a graduate degree was non negotiable. However, having a very well respected teacher say that to a room full of 16-17 year olds was eye opening. I wish more would say it. My child is sitting to my left and if he wants to be a tradesman, I’ll support it. If he knows what he wants and it requires a college degree, I’ll do what I can to help him but if he’s unsure he can go to work or to community college for a while until he figures it out.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      March 14, 2019 at 1:17 pm

      As judge Schmales once said, the world needs ditch diggers, too. And plumbers, electrians, etc.

  • Travis Rearick
    March 13, 2019 at 6:56 pm

    Her IG is still active and it’s a riot

  • Do some research
    March 13, 2019 at 6:48 pm

    The Government didn’t send in the FBI because the rich were buying their kids into college, that’s been going on since the beginning of time.
    The Govt. was pissed because of the way they were doing it. All of the millions was being funneled through fake charity nonprofit organizations and avoiding having to pay any taxes.
    Uncle Sam wants his cut!

    • TheBigOldDog
      March 13, 2019 at 6:52 pm


      The corrupt have become soooo corrupt they wanted to deduct the bribery on their taxes!

  • Stevens green
    March 13, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    Big problem this country is having is the need for vocational training. Look what happened in Lawerence. Couldn’t find plumbers . A lot of guys are retiring in next couple of years . The need for college has to end. Colleges are going under in Boston. I’m a union tradesman pulling 200,000 year went to ULowell graduated and regret it because I had loans and not taking the job earlier after high school leaving money on table. Problem thing is high academics school districts tie in with real estate prices and local politics get involved . If let say Newton North brought in trades there real estate would drop because all these liberal parents think that they go there they can get into a Nescac school or Ivy real estate would be less and less tax base they would loose.

    • Danny Green
      March 13, 2019 at 8:29 pm

      @ Stevens Green:
      Man’s 100% correct. More so than anyone I’ve read here on the turtle.

      • Y
        March 13, 2019 at 11:24 pm

        Danny Green – Kill the Irishman. Great story/movie.

  • GTFO
    March 13, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    Toss these entitled chowder-head leaches out of college on their asses, not earned, stolen/bought off like Ma state police on detail work, scum.

    Just being consistent, I’d throw every illegal WETBACK and their anchor grandchildren back to cartels for entering this country illegaly and under false pretenses.

    • Magnum PU
      March 13, 2019 at 6:15 pm

      Did you fail the test or did a trooper bang your girlfriend?
      What do you do for work hero?

      • Pat Tillman
        March 13, 2019 at 9:52 pm

        You’re a hero? How so?

  • John Martin
    March 13, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    In all the reporting that I’ve read, I haven’t seen any statistics on the students who fraudulently gained admission. Maybe Turtleboy could get admission numbers vs drop-outs.
    I will, respectfully, disagree with Uncle Turtleboy about the value of a college education. Granted, there are degrees with no economic value, but I needed a degree to enter the profession that I wanted. I was extremely lucky to get a scholarship (with strings attached) and graduate. I also had loans when I graduated. After meeting the conditions of my scholarship, I continued in that profession for 30 years after which I was “retired” from it. I would still be doing it today but it is a young person’s profession, not old geezers like me. Without my degree, I would not be where I am today.
    Just getting any “degree”, however, doesn’t guarantee success. This is where I think that guidance counselors and parents let the children down. A frank discussion needs to be held with parents and children about employment opportunities post-degree. Many degrees won’t get you a living wage until you get a PhD. Children and parents should enter these programs with their eyes wide open. Spending $50,000 a year to get a BS in Art History (for example) and then expecting to get a salary that will enable you to pay off your student loans if foolish.

  • Francis Sidebottom
    March 13, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    Turtle turd sports is what happens when stupid people figure out how to use the internet , don’t forget to donate to uncle turtle turd ‘s go fund him 10 bucks a month page or your sjw may have to get a job or something

    • francis swallows
      March 13, 2019 at 7:10 pm

      Francis has “semen breath” like his mom

    • Pee-wee Herman
      March 13, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      I know you are but what am I?
      Francis, there’s two things I know in this life:

      1) You’ll never get my bike.
      2) You’ll never shut down turtleboy.

      HAEH HEAH!

  • hank
    March 13, 2019 at 6:02 pm

    Good stuff. I have a cousin who’s north of 30 with a Masters and walks dogs for a living, by choice. Spent hundred of thousands on an ‘education’ and has a job where a middle schooler could out earn her. Her aspiration is to be a Kardashian despite having a top flight education. She’s also been single for years because of her Kardashian-lite wannabe lifestyle.

    And now that it’s been revealed that these celebrity/wealthy offspring didn’t actually get into school on their merits, are they going to be kicked out? I can’t believe they’d be allowed to stay after everything is exposed.

    • Y
      March 13, 2019 at 6:06 pm

      They should be kicked out and arrested.
      They obviously knew what was going on. Ya sure, take my SATs…

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    March 13, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Speaking of history Uncle T. when are you bringing back “This Day In History” to the blog? Very informative and enjoyable.

  • Turtz McGurtz
    March 13, 2019 at 5:44 pm

    Olivia Jade, i have a feeling things are going to turn out just fine….

  • Y
    March 13, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    I never went to college and look at me now, I’m the best video jockey on the Turtleboy comments section and everybody wants to be me!

    • Y
      March 13, 2019 at 5:55 pm

      1. Francis, GFY!
      2. White Privilege? Where’s the privilege in getting caught?
      3. Aunt Becky can still get it, and her daughter is also a smoke.

  • Kim Wescott
    March 13, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    Like my very wise sister in law said recently:

    From an early age, we told our kids we would pay for their education.

    But we also told them there would be no basketweaving majors in this family.

  • Larry Flunt
    March 13, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    She can just make a sex tape and she’ll be fine

  • Street rat
    March 13, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    Breaks my heart when I see people sitting on beautiful trucks…

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