Hoodrat Heroes

The Beluga Beefcake And Her Food Stamp Mafia Invaded Turtleboy’s Facebook Page After The Free Aquarium Blog, And It Was Like Reliving The Glory Days

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Yesterday we blogged about this Beluga Beefcake from Connecticut who posted about how she gets to go to the Aquarium for free because she gets food stamps:

It’s just so outrageous because everyone else has to pay to use the Aquarium. The state of Connecticut is giving out prizes because you qualify for EBT. Because it’s not enough to just get food stamps, you have to get four free tickets to the aquarium too.

What’s even more outrageous is that military “discount” at Mystic is $28.99 per adult, $23.99 per youth (13-17) and $21.99 per child (3-12). Ya got that? People who serve our country and protect our freedoms have to pay $30, and then an additional $22 per kid to go to the Aquarium, while this freeloader gets to take three other people for free. This is mind-boggling. It’s feel good liberalism on steroids. I hate to make this political, but it’s not conservatives that are doing this. It’s Connecticut’s social justice warrior Governor Daniel Malloy.

Look, I get the idea behind it – poor kids should be able to enjoy cultural and educational experiences too. But what about working class families who don’t qualify for EBT? Admission is $44 for adults, and $39 for kids. Working class families just can’t swing that. But the food stamp patrol gets to bring FOUR PEOPLE for free? Just because they got stamps? Give me a break.

But what really is most insane about this, is that the Beluga Beefcake has no kids. She’s just rolling in their with three friends. She’s able-bodied (kind of) and can work. She has no dependents. Under no circumstances should a single man or woman with no kids, and with no disability, ever qualify for government assistance. Ever. This is not why the safety net was created. The safety net is fine, if it’s used to help people who by no fault of their own need a little help to become self sufficient. It’s not meant for these people who turn it into a way of life.

When Franklin Roosevelt first started creating programs to help poor people he was doing it so these people didn’t starve to death:

He did not envision this:

This is not why welfare was exists. This woman has her own gravitational pull. She has no problem securing food. If anything we should be chipping in for a Planet Fitness membership.

Anyway, the Beluga Beefcake ended up making her way over to the Turtleboy Sports Returns Facebook page, and it was everything you dreamed it would be and more….

“Your really retarded af and you should go die.” – Woman whose grocery bills are subsidized by the people she’s calling retarded.

This is how you know Turtleboy is back people – when the ratchets invade our Facebook page. It was like old times this week. Traffic is through the roof. Bigger then we’ve EVER been before at our peak. You can’t stop the turtle, so just give up.

Anyway, it really brought me back today because we haven’t had fun like this since our pages came down. Even though our latest page will inevitably come down too, it was ratchet nostaglia today….

So many legendary lines, like, “I wish I could beat your ass through the Internet.”

References to Attorney Richard N. Vulva…..

Non-stop Your/You’re confusion…..

God we love you turtle riders. This is what made Turtleboy great – the Facebook commentary. Let’s be honest, it’s what got most of you hooked in the first place. The blogs are great. But the turtle rider commentary is what puts us over the top. Nothing like it exists on the Internet.

Another productive day for the Beluga Beefcake….

This is why we love you people…..

Stupid humans!!

But it wasn’t just her either – the whole bukkake brigade showed up to defend her honor…

“As a taxpayer there are way more things you should worry about than a family’s trip to the aquarium.”

Yea, I’m not worried about a family. I’m worried about this pooner eclipse getting free shit she didn’t earn:

Then there was Rylee….

Deserve? Deserve ain’t got nothing to do with it hun. 1) She doesn’t “deserve” to get free taxpayer funded food stamps. 2) Getting one form of free shit should not qualify you for another form of free shit too.

“How do you know she’s not reliant on those food stamps to feed herself each month?”

Oh, I know the answer to that one…..

Nuff said.

Then again, this is what we are dealing with here…..

Oh look, it’s white guilt personified. But for a woman who seems to frown on publicly shaming people who make terrible life decisions, she sure doesn’t mind calling out people publicly for making terrible life decisions…..

She was hardly the only one making excuses though. Just ask this chick whose parents came up with her name by throwing a bunch of pots and pans down the stairs……

Listen Mohegan Sun, I’m not here to debate if we should be letting people with kids get into Mystic for free. I’m here to ask why a grown ass woman with no kids can bring three of her cheesehog friends there for free. Try to follow along.

The hits just kept coming….

“Everyone’s mad cuz they don’t get no help and they suck big black cocks.”

Yea, you would be too if you actually worked and paid taxes, only to see it siphoned off by this woman who has three of her own moons.

Then came the H word:

The second you mention “hate speech,” or “hateful,” you have already lost the argument. You have no real leg to stand on so you whine about hate. But yea, I do hate that I have to work every day so this planatee can get a $44 ticket for free while combat veterans have to pay.

Calm down Sprite Lamborghini. It has everything to do with food stamps and the culture it’s created amongst you freeloading gravy dumpsters.

Daniel Brown ftw! We love turtle riders!!

Yadiel showed up to share his truths too….

Come on man. I know you’re not a chick, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have periods. You’re right though – she is proud. And therein lies the problem.

Did I mention how much we love turtle riders?

Then the Beluga Beefacke posted it on her wall…..

And the EBT-Rex army began to mobilize….


This guy…

Oh snap, Fleek Bank bout to tear someone up!!

And by that he means use racial slurs and tell people to suck his 3.75 inch balogna baton…

That and draw pictures of penises he wishes resembled his going into the mouths of turtle riders who are way, way, way out of his league….

Oops!! We love turtle riders!!

All these illiterate freeloaders are doing is proving our point – that food stamps are not always a good investment for many who receive them. I worked hard in school. I did my homework, I studied, I got a job, I planned my family responsibly, etc. These people can’t even put together anything resembling a coherent sentence. They did everything the opposite way that you’re supposed to. And now I give them money to eat so they can throw it in my face. Makes sense.

One brilliant scholar named Marie had a plan….

Press charges for cyber attacks!! We be rigging elections and shit! She must’ve learned about that in Vet school, or while she was waiting in line for her paw patrol tattoos.

Then came the inevitable calls for Internet lawsuits, along with calls to “get them fired.”

Yea, we’re total gonna fire ourselves!!

According to this rocket scientist we’re all just jealous that our salaries are too high to get free shit….

Girl, you sound like you’re named after a company that does tours in Hollywood. “Starseyah.” First star we’re gonna see is Bruce Willis, then maybe Bette Middler. That’s just what you do when you’re a Starseyah.

Other EBT Moms were thankful that she opened their eyes to the free shit they weren’t taking advantage of…

The fact that these people are almost proud to get all this free shit is everything that is wrong with America today. Then again….

This was my favorite ratchet by far though….

























There it is folks. Your daily edition of “people who say the word slander, but have no idea what slander means.” Slander has to be spoken. It’s impossible to slander anyone with words on a computer screen. That’s called libel, and we don’t do that either. We literally take dumb shit that YOU SAY, screenshot it, and put it on our blogs.

But wait….she went to “university”:

Another UConn graduate going pro in something besides sports….

Luckily turtle riders were there to defend the wall…..

We. Love. Turtle. Riders.

Turtleboy is officially back in business.

34 Comment(s)
  • Kyle
    December 30, 2018 at 9:54 am

    I’m glad that you know how to spell the word through. It pisses me off so much to see people spell it with four letters. These people are committed to anti intellectualism. And I’m sure many of these people went to college. I’m too poor and stupid to go to college. But I know how to spell the word through because when I was in first grade I didn’t know how to spell it, and I asked my teacher. Seeing college graduates spell it with four letters, that is how you know something is very wrong with our society.

  • Kim Wescott
    August 9, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    I can’t even believe she would post that pool pic of herself…….like it’s something beautiful.

  • Breeanne's Riding Instructor
    July 20, 2018 at 11:18 pm

    I’m sorry to report that Breeanne’s pony has died from complications related to it’s hernia surgery. “Shorty” had been suffering for quite some time and emergency surgery was attempted but it was too late… A Go Fund Me has been established…

  • Fo Sho
    July 20, 2018 at 11:00 pm

    Do ya really think it would be possible to actually get hard enough to drop a load into that stank???

  • virtuesmokesignal
    July 20, 2018 at 10:31 pm

    Wild guess that the reason admission to so many museums, etc. are so high, is because they offer the discount for EBT holders…not-super-rich and not-super-poor don’t matter…
    Here’s an idea – make it more affordable for all…oh wait, not as much virtue signaling that way.

  • Josey Wales
    July 20, 2018 at 6:00 pm

    I would bet She has a steady supply of cunt cheese to spread on her crackers. Yummy!!!

  • Jack Straw from Wichita
    Jack Straw from Wichita
    July 20, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    This is what is known in economics as the tragedy of the commons. Our government has created and institutionalized a system of mutual plunder, where every individual has an incentive to take as much as he can for himself at the expense of his fellow citizen, with the least amount of effort.

    As long as DTA, EBT, WIC, SNAP, and the rest of the alphabet soup of public assistance programs exist, individuals will continue to view them as entitlements that they deserve to receive.

    If the people who utilize these services crack 51% of the population, and they vote, it’s game over. They will always vote for politicians who will ensure that they get to continue to abuse the system.

  • thanksturtle
    July 20, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    Yeah, she got a job! Most likely for 10 hour a week or less so she can keep those food stamps going.

  • Groucho Barks
    July 20, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    Who ever posted the whale hello there meme. I salute you..legit laughter.

  • Seneca
    July 20, 2018 at 2:56 pm

    If it’s possible for something to be both hilarious and bone-chilling at the same time, it’s this. The funny part is most obvious. The bone-chilling part is the entity pulling the marionette strings: a lack of public virtue. Most of the country suffers from a lack of public virtue, but in some cultures, it has reached epidemic proportions.

    We can laugh at these ratchets all day and it’s great. They deserve it. However, they have no idea why they’re in the wrong. For their entire lives, our society has imprinted upon them they should cherish self-esteem most, and that the only reality they should give credence to is their own. Talk about a closed-loop feedback system: “My reality is that I’m severely overweight, but that’s okay because I’m perfect just the way I am and I love myself as I am, and if anyone thinks otherwise, they have a problem, not me.”

    The perpetrators of this variety of a lack of public virtue are -entirely- the American political left, and not just those in positions of legislative, judicial, or executive power, but those who went into the field of education as well. In the ’70s, in public elementary education, we began shifting from educating kids to educating and empowering kids, and therein lies the problem.

    Nowadays, the balance seems to be equal part education and empowerment. Some aspects of empowerment are great (e.g., anti-bullying, focus on social inclusion), but overall, empowerment has been harmful, as now kids can’t do math but don’t care because they’re great regardless.

    The primary driver of this dynamic is consumerism; it’s the heroin the junky shoots into his arm. The political left is essentially the dealer supplying the junk. Notice above, and in the spectacular “Swipe your EBT” video, achieving a good life is 100% about getting things, eating things, drinking things, fucking things, etc. More accurately, perhaps, “the good life” is about being SEEN getting, eating, drinking, or fucking. In reality, the good life is nothing of that at all. Read my books to learn how to live a good life.

    A jaded person (hi!) would think that at this point, as evidence of the abject failure of welfare abounds, that the left is motivated to continue not so much because they want to help raise people up from poverty, but because they want to keep a lid on the pot lest this whole thing boil over. They may have a point, too: real, meaningful welfare reform would mean blood in the streets. A great deal of it.

    • ElJefe72
      Marcus Aurelius
      July 20, 2018 at 4:38 pm

      I wholeheartedly support you. I also recommend everyone read my Meditations as well.

    • Friedrich Nietzsche
      July 20, 2018 at 7:10 pm

      Not only are certain people these days too simple to understand that they’re weak and have no backbone; they even think the opposite.

  • MG
    July 20, 2018 at 2:43 pm

    Holy bat shit! Why is the state of Connecticut giving this individual 4 free passes to anything? I worked 2 jobs yo pay my way but this hog only works one job and gets state assistance? WTF? I can see giving assistance to people in need. This one just blows her mouth gets called out, and what?

  • Turtlekid
    July 20, 2018 at 1:46 pm

    Honestly, there is nothing wrong with letting other EBT users know they can get in for free. It’s not like she is cheating the system by doing so, she just is kinda letting people know about this, which almost directly is just for the kids.

  • RJY
    July 20, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    The term “Balogna Baton” implies something of size. I think the term “Vienna Sausage” is more appropriate for the lack of meat that guy is likely packing.

  • JoeMomma
    July 20, 2018 at 11:31 am

    She gets in for free because they think she is on of the Manatee’s

  • Disgusting
    July 20, 2018 at 11:07 am

    Cannot imagine how big her orifices are. Or how bad they smell. SO GROSS. Stop taking food stamps. Get a real job. I have heard of morbidly obese but what is she?

  • Stinky McStinkypants
    July 20, 2018 at 10:09 am

    I said it before, but I will say it again…

    Tub of goo.

  • z
    July 20, 2018 at 10:00 am

    Fuck Mystic Aquarium.
    From the previous blog:
    Rochambeau July 19, 2018 at 8:07 pm REPLY
    22 0 Rate This

    If you’ve fought in a war they let you in for $29 vs. $38 for general admission. Apparently if your on Welfare you’ve made worse choices and you and your guests are compensated. Weird.
    The sub base is right up the road. Daddy or mommy is stuck in a metal can for 6 months never seeing the light of day. The spouse and kids are stuck in some cheesy on-base housing.

    The spouse wants to treat the kids for day.

    Special admission rate of $28.99 per adult, $23.99 per youth (13-17) and $21.99 per child (3-12). So, I adult and 1 kid = $52.

    At the bottom of their web page about EBT
    “This program is not subsidized by the state. Not applicable for before/after hour special events.”

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    July 20, 2018 at 9:41 am

    Anyone hear? That Harvard lib that went wacky on the woman with the child is on leave effective immediately from her job!

    • z
      July 20, 2018 at 11:19 am

      And there are people who believe that race wasn’t an issue.

      I’m not a SJW but geez people really believe that.

      Years ago back in the 80s there was a show on CNN called “This week in Japan”. Part/most of it was funded by Ryoichi Sasagawa. I kid you not, there were commercials showing him “Helping Lepers” or having the little people lavish him with praise.

      In real life he was a former WWII convicted war criminal. The reason he never got hanged was supposedly he had connections with the CIA. He wore the badge of war criminal proudly because that meant he was a player.

      Behind the scenes he for years lobbied for a Noble Peace Prize. He funded Linus Pauling who won a Noble prize twice. Pauling would write letters putting Sasagawas name in contention for the peace prize. The TV show was basically an infomercial to get the Noble Peace Prize. I liked the show regardless.

      This woman obviously isn’t that, but what we saw on the video is the real her, not the “Humanitarian” who just wants to help people. Maybe this incident will humble her to the point where she can really be that humanitarian.

  • Crispy C
    July 20, 2018 at 8:53 am

    Nick Roman was Aaron Hernandez’s secret boyfriend that was left AH’s Rolex watches prior to his “accident” in Shirley right?

    Anyway I’ve just discovered this blog this week and I just can’t stop reading it daily now while I take the train to work (novel goddamn idea for you POS food stamp collectors).

  • the ghost of steve irwin
    July 20, 2018 at 8:32 am

    Oy mates!
    What we have here is an animal hybrid; a cross of the North American marfupial and a fupacabre. This fatchet can sometimes be found wallowing in fast food dumpsters, usually Taco Bell (looking for chalupas to place in its marfupial pouch to ferment before its absorbed by the fupa). Even a seasoned animal tracker such as myself fears this planetary-sized animal. It must be nuked from space…just to be sure.


  • Yuck
    July 20, 2018 at 8:19 am

    God damn!!! I thought the picture of Didi in a bikini was the worst thing I ever had the extreme displeasure of viewing. But no, this fucking whale wanna be raises the bar and makes Didi look like a fucking picture of health. Holy fucking shit, she is so fucking fat she doesn’t even look human. And please, that fat bitch doesn’t have a damn job; she can’t get to her front door without risking cardiac arrest. She has, at most five fucking seconds of elevated heart rate before she has to sit and rest. Can you imagine hearing that beast wheezing trying to wipe her fucking ginormous ass? Sadly, we will not only be paying for her to eat her way into the 1,000 pound club, we will be paying the local sawbones for lopping off her diabetes ridden appendages for the better part of the next ten years as well. Saddle up, peeps, we will paying for this pile of feces for a long time.

    • z
      July 20, 2018 at 9:28 am

      “trying to wipe”

      Trying is key word. She’s at a point where her arms need to be 2 foot longer with extra joints between the wrist and elbow to reach around her gut.

      Mimi from the Drew Carey show was gross years ago. I always thought that was an exaggeration. I guess not. This is life imitating art.

      If you are overweight to the point of having a health risk why celebrate it? She’s “showing” us?
      Fine, show us some more. Here’s a dozen corn on cobs covered with lard. Have at it.

  • just get it done
    July 20, 2018 at 8:16 am

    before this post descended into a puerile food fight, the idea of pairing ebt benefits with gym membership was mentioned by a couple commenters. great idea! benefits paid weekly, distributed by the gym…after a weigh-in!

  • MrSmiley
    July 20, 2018 at 7:53 am

    One of the commenters said

    “She may have issues making ends MEAT?!?!”
    Stuff is priceless I tell you!

    Bbw is not a thing. Morbidly obese is not healthy or beautiful. Enjoy your short ass life because you’re too much of a greedy, greezy, gluttonous tub of goo to get healthy.

    • Cuzzin Pookie
      July 20, 2018 at 1:10 pm

      but some brova gon tap it
      wen he don wanna jakk it
      he wax dat fat ass
      den hitcha up 4 cash

      ain’t nuffin but a side piece baby
      y’all fat az shit cuz u

      • Mr. Nuttasit Keawcham
        July 21, 2018 at 8:46 pm

        It was a sweathog like her who told me there were two sizes to every story. Yea, extra fucking large and Orca.

  • ninja turtleboy
    July 20, 2018 at 7:23 am

    she looks like a bowl of cottage cheese

  • Revrun Fishknuckle
    July 20, 2018 at 6:28 am

    It’s FREE swipe yo EBT..

    • WTF
      July 20, 2018 at 1:00 pm

      Mind… BLOWN.

  • z
    July 20, 2018 at 6:24 am

    Yip yip yip EBT

    Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark 100,

    Yip Yip MF

    Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark bark Bark Trump

    Howl, howl racist.

    Looks like TB needs to devote more time if possible to Hartford and points south. They are shocked that someone is calling them out. Nowadays in Mass, RI + NH you see people telling others “Better watch out or TB will get you”.

  • Y
    July 20, 2018 at 2:12 am

    Ppl that big CLEARLY aren’t starving, so why are they getting more food, for free, when we have veterans living on the street?
    Fuck that ratchet beast; if she was really hungry, then she’d sell her iPhone or maybe skip a piercing.
    These Godawful leeches are a major problem in America… entitled, gluttons!!!
    Hit the treadmill, relinquish the stamps, get a job, and pay taxes, so someone deserving can apply for stamps (i.e., a vet, widow, etc.)!

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