The Bootleg Vampire Modeling Community Is Taking Down Turtleboy With Deformation Lawsuit For Blogging About Their $500 Shingles GoFundMes
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.
Last week we published this blog about a bootleg model from Longmeadow who started a $500 GoFundMe to save her life because she was starving to death:
Because apparently strip clubs in Western MA now have standards, so she couldn’t seem to find a job that pays actual money. Nevertheless she still somehow collects money from the government but it wasn’t enough to pay her bills. And she was very upset when the donations weren’t flowing in for her:
Imagine living in a world where you have to pay for your own shit? Sounds awful.
Luckily for her another bootleg model offered to send noodz for every $15 donated, plus discount if you want them in bulk:
After we blogged about it Constance took to our Facebook page to defend her good name:
So let me get this straight Constance. You get disability from the taxpayers, you have government funded insurance that is paying for almost all of this, you have a boyfriend who could easily just help you out with some cash, but it’s not enough and you still expect everyone else to pick up the tab for your problems? Poor you.
One of her friends who apparently lives off the state for a living encouraged her to sign up for more free shit, since she’s an expert. But Constance wasn’t trying to hear that either:
Yea guys, does this look like the kind of chick who hasn’t been on disability since she was 10 years old?
Yea, no one wants to hear your advice!! I don’t care how long you’ve been swindling the taxpayers Christina. She’s swindling them too, and they’re still making a GFM anyway. Plus, Constance is making some real progress towards that $500.
It’s insane how many people see absolutely nothing wrong with living off of the government for a living. These are the same winner who pitched a tent on Wall Street because the 1% was ruining their lives. This isn’t the elderly or single mothers either. It’s white chicks from Vermont in their early 20’s. What a country!!
Anyway, this blog unleashed a torrent of butthurt in the bootleg model/photography industry….
Ya know you’re doing something right when you see someone who is “tired of Turtleboy Sports” and you go to their Facebook page and immediately see this:
The dog filter. You might as well just hold a sign that says, “I’m a rachet who plans on living off the government for the rest of my life.”
Other creepy photographers seemed to agree that Turtleboy was no good:
Oh look, another “photographer” with a “Models Mayhem” account who brings naked chicks into the woods and tells them that it’s art:
The best was this winner right here:
Uhoh!! Hunter Eastland and Antonia Dufort are going to make our reputation crumble!! We’ve made a lot of mistakes before, but we’ve never OFFICIALLY made a “big bad mistake.” Now we’re super fucked. Not even Attorney Richard N. Vulva himself could save us at this point.
You can tell they’re serious because the Constance apparently has a brother who works for Facebook:
Checkmate turtle fucker!!!
According to Hunter this is a “very serious case” and he highly doubts we will live to talk about this one:
That’s it folks. We’re done. We had a good run while it lasted but clearly we have fucked with the wrong people – the bootleg modeling community. After all, Hunter did study meowing at VCU:
He’s not even kidding. He literally posts videos of himself meowing on Facebook:
He also dabbles in nude cello:
Oh, and he’s a vampire photographer:
At this point we’d love to just settle out of court, but it appears as if they’re not willing to do that. He wants to suck our blood.
And we won’t be able to mount a proper defense since we can’t see any of this Facebook comments:
Apparently the grounds for suing will be that our blog will prevent people from donating to her very legitimate GoFundMe:
It will also stop her from getting modeling gigs in the future:
Apparently these gothballs had never heard of Turtleboy before, and when they found out we had over 100,000 Facebook followers, they had to come up with a plan:
Luckily for them their lawyer would take care of it.
But wait….lawyers cost a lot of money. With the money you’d spend to pay a lawyer for an hour and half of work, you could just pay for the $500 GoFundMe yourself. Luckily it turns out lawyers work for free:
It’s true. Lawyers always take slam drunk “slander” cases free of charge. Sure, slander refers to spoken defamation rather than written defamation, but these people are much, much smarter than us, so they obviously know what they’re doing. Everyone knows people on disability get free lawyers:
They literally grown on trees. Just ask the guy who sued a multimillion dollar company and made bank when he was a 19 year old fry cook.
That’s when Constance jumped in. Turns out it wasn’t slander they’d be suing for, it was “libel or something like that,” because we used their real names and pictures, which is both a safety issue and DEFORMATION of character. PLUS they have screenshots AND links:
Wait until Dick N. Vulva gets his hands on those screeshots. It’s gonna be DEFORMATION of character, the likes of which you’ve never seen before!!
And if none of that works out they have a backup plan:
These people…they’re just too good. We have officially met our match.
Antonia Dufort is also an aspiring model, so it’s understandable that she took this so personally. And by “model” I mean, “some shady dude with an iPhone took me into the woods and told me to take my clothes off so I could rub sideboob with another tittoo clad free spirit:
Antonia is used to fighting back against the man, and she’s very good at it. After all, she’s been “resisting” for almost a year now:
Any day now he’s gonna be gone. All we have to do is make more pink pussy hats and signs while listening to Ashley Judd tell us about how messy her period is.
And if you wanna see just how influential Turtleboy can be, other freeloading bootleg models are now thinking twice about sharing their own bogus “I’m sick” GoFundMe’s because they fear becoming Turtleboy famous:
“I hate that my parents have to help me so much.”
This is the kind of person who doesn’t like Turtleboy Sports. Someone who is contemplating starting their own bogus GoFundMe because they can’t hit up Daddy for cash any longer.
But according to bootleg model Alex Yian, “social media slander has ruined my life countless times”:
Yet she keeps posting on social media anyway. Because it’s not her fault that she can’t pay her bills. It’s that we’re blaming people like her instead of the billionaires who are fucking her over. Warren Buffet is the reason she’s too lazy to get a job. Oh, and the country has gotten so bad that unemployment is at the lowest it’s been in my lifetime, and the stock marketing is skyrocketing. Tough times.
But I mean, why should she get a job? She should be able to pursue whatever career makes her happy, regardless of whether or not it’s actually profitable. And Alex Yian wants to make “art”:
And this is “art” according to her:
A couple thicky minaj hefalumps covered in tattoos and rainbow hair dye posing in the the YMCA locker room.
Alex Yian doesn’t wanna hear any of your bullshit about having a “full time job” or how you “go to work” either:
If you wanna work for a living, good for you. But she’s gonna pursue a career as a failing artist and panhandle on the Internet instead. And anyone who has a problem with that is practicing hate speech.
Kind of funny though, because right after she posted about being too afraid to make an “I’m sick too” GoFundMe, she immediately made an “I’m sick too” GoFundMe for her shingles:
Oh snap, it’s her birthday month!! If that’s not a reason to donate then I don’t know what is. It’s not like shingles is easily treated with cheap meds that clears up in a couple weeks. This 19 year old chick has a rash and as a result she can no longer work. She didn’t want to resort to this, but what other choice does she have? Getting a job?? You can’t be serious. She has a rash!!!
Anyway, we look forward to the lawsuit and our Facebook page being taken down. As you can see, things are going great so far:
Don’t forget to report all our backup pages too!!