The Fact That The Warriors Are Whining That They Can’t Get Crunk And Laid In Utah Is Everything That Is Wrong With The NBA

The Fact That The Warriors Are Whining That They Can’t Get Crunk And Laid In Utah Is Everything That Is Wrong With The NBA

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If you want a reason to root against the Golden State Warriors, look no further:


It’s safe to say that the Golden State Warriors were pulling for the LA Clippers to advance past the Utah Jazz in the first round of the Western Conference playoffs. Their rooting interest, however, had nothing to do with matchups on the basketball court. Rather, it had everything to do with where they will spend their leisure hours when the second-round series shifts to Games 3 and 4. Which do they prefer: The nightlife of Salt Lake City, or Los Angeles?

“No comparison. There’s no such thing, man,” Warriors’ forward Matt Barnes told ESPN. “There’s no nightlife in Utah. Obviously, as players, you want to be able to have a little bit of a nightlife, but the main focus is winning games. Me personally, I want to get out there because I want to beat the Clippers. That’s my former team, and my kids are out there. But as far as nightlife, there’s no comparison to nightlife in Utah and L.A.”


So let me get this straight. Matt Barnes, a career journeyman who has played on half the teams in the NBA and has never won a championship his entire life, says that his biggest concern in a playoff opponent is which city has a better nightlife? What a winner!! I know when the Patriots went to the Super Bowl the players made sure to seek out the media and let them know that there weren’t nearly enough nightclubs in Houston. That’s what champions do!!

“The problem with Utah is that you’re just sitting there and your mind is, like, dead, because in L.A., you still got energy for the game,” Andre Iguodala said. “Because you’re in L.A., you’re like, ‘Man, this is just the vibe in L.A.’ but in Utah, it can kind of lull you to sleep. And then you’ve slept too long or I’m bored out of my mind and now you got to try to pump yourself up for the game. You know you’re in the playoffs and you’re supposed to be pumped anyway, but the vibe is just like, ‘Man, let’s just get out of here.'”

Yea, it’s almost as if you’re going to Utah for a business trip. Sucks you won’t be able to get plastered with some groupies in the club!!


“I’m sure it’s probably clubs, but I’ve never been to one in Utah,” Kevin Durant told ESPN. “It’s a few restaurants close to the hotel, but you’re not scattered out. L.A. is just bigger. That’s the only difference. But preparation wise, my approach is the same as in any other city.”

I really have come to despise Kevin Durant. What a little bitch he is. Imagine how much better the NBA would be if he signed with the Celtics, or at least stayed in Oklahoma City? The Celtics-Cavs Eastern Conference Finals would be legendary. Instead he went to the team he couldn’t beat, coming off a season where they won 73 games.

The Warriors were perfectly likable before he got there too. They won a championship and set the record for regular season wins, and they did it the right way – by drafting three All-Stars with non top-5 picks. Now this alleged superstar can’t beat them, so he joins them. And just to show you what a loser this guy really is, he’s talking about Utah’s lack of clubs when they have a huge playoff series about to start.

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Acting head coach Mike Brown has Utah’s back. “See, I disagree,” Brown said of Salt Lake City’s “boring” perception. “I think if you really want to find something to get into, I don’t care where you are, you can find something to get into.”

Why is the coach even talking about the nightlife? What planet am I on where this is normal? Imagine Bill Belichick being asked about the nightlife in Houston and him actually commenting on it. Oh, that’s right, it’s the NBA – where super stars assemble to form super teams in cities that have to have nice weather.

“We kind of embrace it like, ‘Yo, we got to do something together because it ain’t nothing else to do,'” Iguodala said. “So it actually works for us. So that’s kind of how that works. Similar to OKC, it’s the same way. Matter of fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been to a movie in OKC.”

Wait….we’re talking about movies now? So these guys are going to Utah to play for a chance to go to the Western Conference Finals, and all they can think about is poppin Cristal and catching the Beauty and the Beast matinee? Cool league.

I’ve never wanted a team to lose this badly before. The Warriors have done the unthinkable – they’ve made LeBron James the lesser of two evils. As much of a bitchass as he can be, I can’t even imagine him acting this ghettofabulous. I’m not saying the Jazz have any shot in this series, but it would be the awesomest upset of all time if they did. Just sayin.



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9 Comment(s)
  • Chip Striker
    May 2, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    NBA is a joke, NFL following quickly behind. They’ve ruined those two leagues just like they’ve ruined every neighborhood they’ve moved to.

    • Cassius Clay
      May 5, 2017 at 4:39 pm

      MLB is the biggest joke… Look no further than the owner of the Red Sox John Henry, who owns the most traiterous newspaper in the country, besides the Washington Post.

      Turtleboy should investigate the 2013 Boston Marathon for facts and bullshit narratives, and who and what cashed in heavily.

  • Troubled Nostrils
    May 2, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    Utah has to win biggly in these games – they have no margin for error. They can’t leave any doubt because if the games are even close, the Warriors will win because the NBA and ABC desperately WANTS another Warrior vs. Cavs match-up.

      May 2, 2017 at 11:14 pm

      “Utah has to win biggly” haha sounds like Trump

    May 2, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    Unblock me you sissy. You are all Cowards all turtleriders are bitches. Even along with a band wagon you turtlebitches hide in your shells like cowards.

    Unblock me you COWARDS.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      May 4, 2017 at 5:13 am

      Does the man you murder come and haunt you in your sleep asking for the same thing each night? Why don’t you unblock him you waste of oxygen.

  • John Barker
    May 2, 2017 at 8:17 pm

    Really sucks when the best players in the league are all about…the best players in the league..

  • Howie
    May 2, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    Just a couple of years ago, many out there were saying. The Warriors were the greatest NBA team of all time. Amazing but true.

  • Savage Squaw Bitch
    May 2, 2017 at 3:01 pm

    The stupid media asked, so they answered. Am I missing something here? None of them said they couldn’t get laid or whined about not having shit to do, they just answered the retard media’s question…

    Personally, and quite off topic, as one raised in Northern California I can honestly say that LA can go fuck itself.

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