The Turtleboy family was about to move to Southbridge, but then we saw these winners and now we’re having second thoughts.

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Mrs. Turtleboy, Turtleboy Jr., and I were about to pack our bags and move to Southbridge. But it was a no-go after we saw this story on the Facebook machine:

Well, they seem…….nice. I mean who wouldn’t want the Puerto Rican Cindy Brady as their next door neighbor?

Those bangs DEFINITELY help property value. Definitely. They blend so well with the pigtails, half assed attempt at a goatee, disfigured eyebrows, and stylish star tear tattoos. Because sometimes you just have to cry some stars.

The other two seem like the kind of people who’d invite you over for a nice cup of tea when you moved into the neighborhood. Marangely Cartagena loves to get dolled and take some family photos after taking a huge smash:

And even though she’s a mother, it doesn’t mean she dont’ stay fly!! Come on over her place and she’ll serve you a ghetto coolata:

Henny and Red Bull. The official drink of Southbridge.

And I’d be honored to have Turtleboy Jr. go over to her crack den for a playdate. They have lots of fun toys there:

To me the most surprising part about this is that the Latin Kings apparently give out merit badges. Can you buy those things or do you have to go through the whole initiation thing first? Asking for a friend.

And how bout that third suspect? Guess what Juan Rosario’s headware of choice is?

Yup. He’s got a different flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat for every day of the week. Because when you’re keeping it real, you MUST have an endless supply of flat-brimmed Chicago Bulls hats.

Comment of the day comes from this guy:

LOL. This comment perfectly encapsulates the evolution of Southbridge. Legend says that it actually used to be a nice little blue collar town. Then the welfare office opened up and it all went to hell. Funny how that works.

Now most people would watch the words they use when they described what Southbridge has become. Not Paul Dumas though. He’s 90. And when you’re a 90 year old Southbridge lifelong resident, you pretty much have a license to say whatever borderline racist shit you wanna say. So whereas Turtleboy would probably say something like, “urban poverty leads to drug dealing and criminality,” Paul Dumas comes out and says, “I don’t know why so many Latino are the ones doing all this.” Because when you’re 90 you don’t have to waste time worrying about offending people. Must feel liberating.

Dude went to Cole Trade High School.

That sounds like one of those schools that old timers tell you about and you just nod your head because it hasn’t been a school for 50 years. Their rivals must’ve been Commerce and the Fanning Building.

Anyway, like I said, we were planning on moving to Southbridge because we heard it was so nice and nothing but good news comes out of there. Kind of having second thoughts now. Just sayin.

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