On Saturday night, as I laid my head down to drift into a peaceful night’s sleep, my husband decided to turn on Netflix’s new documentary “Behind the Curve”,
thus effectively ruining my ability to sleep and cranking my blood pressure by several points, because I fucking HATE “Flat Earthers”. And they hate me, I’m fully aware, judging from the reaction I got on the last blog I wrote about one of them. I’m more than OK with their hate, because the approval of a bunch of tin foil hat wearing borderline schizophrenic cult lemmings doesn’t even make a spot on my list of priorities, never will. Destroying these lunatics with my words does, however, and Netflix definitely re-stoked that fire within me. The entire thing is a good watch overall, but rife with the ravings of narcissistic mental patients. And I found the first 30 minutes or so painfully difficult to watch, thanks to this fucking moron, who’s presence on my television screen gave me the burning urge to punch it until the glass shattered and mangled my fist.
His name is Nathan Thompson, and he runs the Facebook group “Official Flat Earth & Globe Discussion”, with a staggering following of more than 120,000 mental deficient social rejects.
Which he fancies to be a “serious scientific page,” despite being dedicated to discrediting actual science in favor of easily-disproved bullshit fringe theories that equate to the literal antithesis of science.
Spoiler alert – he’s heavy on the “mute” button in the group.
He’s a fucking nutjob, and a con artist, and watching him bounce a ping pong ball off the a sledgehammer while prattling off the elements of the periodic table and touting his self-proclaimed superior powers of memory like the coked-up bro version of fucking Rainman brought me closer to homicidal urges than I would like to admit.
I fucking hate this guy.
So what does it take to be qualified to lead a mass following of lemmings over the proverbial cliff back into the dark ages, when the earth was still considering a frisbee floating in space, ghosts in your blood was the diagnosis for 99.9% of all disease, and women could be stoned to death for showing their ankles?
Obviously, the world is built upon the back of a great turtle that is himself standing on a firmament created out of the consensus of beliefs of the majority of North American native peoples prior to 1492. You see, its like a Tibetan Tulpa thingee, sort of a thoughtform made real, by Cherokees and Navahos and Lumbees (Well, maybe not Lumbees – they just drink and hang sheetrock) and all. If you say one word against this truth Trickster Coyote will take your form, drink 2 fifths of Jack Daniels and drive your car in circles around the nearest Sherrif’s office, leaning on the horn with a Flat Earth model mounted on the hood.
And that’s the Nathan Thompson model of indoctrination.
Unsurprisingly, all it takes is an internet connection, tenuous grip on reality, a gaping hole where adult responsibilities and relationships should reside, and a blind willingness to fill that hole with paranoid schizophrenic musings. And boy, does Nutjob Nathan like to muse on shit that makes no fucking sense.
Holy meth addiction, Batman! What a waste of time!
But I suppose when you’re a drunken vagrant loser living out of your car, time becomes a surplussed commodity. In addition to scribbling out the formula for an involuntary psych commitment to the Nth degree, Nathan spends his time live streaming himself getting kicked out of various public locations for accosting random strangers with his full force crazy.
You know you’re a serious scientific mind if you end up on World Star Hip Hop!
When not ruminating on the conspiracy that the government is lying about the shape of the earth, just ‘cuz, he’s also convinced that his girlfriend is an agent of Satan who drinks blood.
That’s normal – they seem like a lovely couple. I bet they’re a real hit at weddings!
And despite seeming to think he is some sort of Messiah, blabbing endless about the Bible and God on his dark and mentally fractured psychedelic trip of a Facebook page, he sure appears to just be a drunken idiot of a frat boy who couch hops and lives out of his car at 33 years old.
Check out party Jesus, here to keg stand his way to illuminating the masses!
He also has the criminal record of a drunken vagrant loser, including convictions for fraud, public intoxication, and DUI.
So he seems like a reputable guy. Especially considering the only “job” he seems to have held any time recently is some sort of salesman for an app called legal shield, which is a multi level marketing scam.
….Which he somehow managed to get fired from, anyway.
So that may be driving his commitment to propagating his conspiratorial bullshit everywhere he goes, just a bit. He is, after all, selling pamphlets and shitty merchandise for outrageous prices, in lieu of getting a real job.
And nobody seems to really like him, anyway.
I suspect this a common theme in the Flat Earth movement – totally unemployable cuntmuffins preaching paranoid hysterics for profit. He’s not the hero that Flat Earth needs, but he sure as fuck is the hero they deserve. Although, he seems to be in some sort of internal struggle with another one of the mental patients spearheading this illustrious movement, and it is hilarious.
I’m not saying that this guy is definitely addicted to snow white Columbia go-go dust…but…..
It would make sense.
What he’s referencing in his “Apology” post is the most gloriously ratchet taped exchange between a perpetually unemployed conspiracy bro and his polygamist former friend,
who looks a lot like a homeless dude that paces the sidewalk muttering to himself about all the pipes bursting at the cemetery and asking strangers for change and smokes.
Nathan vs. Earnest = Everyone wins. Holy fuck. What a bunch of clown shoes. I’m not going to attack the whole idea that the earth is flat all over again, because our readers are smart. And besides, there are no stupid ideas – just stupid people. Nathan Thompson, you quite possibly may be the fucking stupidest, congratulations!