This 9 Year Old Girl Getting Ripped For Covering Real News Is Turtleboy 25 Years Ago

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There is a 9 year old girl from Selinsgrove, PA, named Hilde Kate Lysiak, who is causing all types of controversy amongst morons for being a damn good citizen journalist. She has her own blog called Orange Street News, and this blog in particular has people all butthurt, because she reported live from a murder scene in her town.

In her blog she interviews the neighbors and the cops, and she withholds the name of the victim until the family has been alerted. So basically she’s a million times better at her job than Samantha Allen and she’s only 9 years old. One would think that we could all agree that this is a great thing. In a world where people whine about how soft and whiny kids these days are, here is this girl who goes and gets the big story.


But of course we live in the land of butthurt so the poo-poo parade had to come out and play:

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Yea, because that’s the exact same thing. A kid walking down her street with a video camera is the exact same thing as a kid walking into a hospital and attempting to do open heart surgery. That’s it.

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Yes, you definitely are a troll Kelly. First of all, she wasn’t exposed to any violence. She was exposed to the outside of a house where a violent crime occurred. It also makes you a huge hypocrite, since more than likely you were a child sitting at home in 1994, watching and waiting for OJ Simpson to blow his brains out in a Ford Bronco on live television.

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Running the streets? Yea, that’s what she’s doing. But please, tell me more about how you shouldn’t be exposing your kids to debauchery Sue Mietlowski. Especially since you’re part of the most vile and loathsome fan base that has ever existed:


And you openly support a guy who does nasty things to women’s toes and has a mouth like a trucker:


You are certainly in a position to judge.

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There it is!!! She hasn’t even gone to college. Because as we know here at Turtleboy Sports, if you don’t have a journalism degree then the butthurts don’t think you’re a real news outlet. Hilde, I feel your pain girl. You are absolutely a real news outlet, and you’re a million times better than CNN, the Turtlegram and Gazette, and the Boston Globe, who just this weekend had a satirical headline story on their front page.

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Ummmmm, because she’s 9? Who criticizes a 9 year old reporter with a blog? Ya know what a normal person would do here Rob? They’d say, “good for her.” Good for this little girl for pursuing her dreams at such a young age. They would ignore any of her shortcomings and avoid criticism because it would make them look like a huge dink. But then again, Rob doesn’t mind looking like a huge dink:


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The worst is former Selinsgrove Mayor Sean Christine, who called her work, “sensationalist trash.” Seriously, a grown man said this about a child. Somehow this man was actually elected to be the mayor of something:




What the hell is wrong with people?

Anyway, we couldn’t possibly admire this girl anymore. She’s Turtleboy 25 years ago. And just like Turtleboy, she’s not backing down. Instead of apologizing or retracting her statements she went right back on Youtube and called each and every one of them out for all the stupid things they said:

“If you want me to stop covering news, then you get off your computers and do something about the news. There, is that cute enough for you?”

Boom. Roasted.

God Bless this girl. She is a true American hero and the future of American journalism. Hopefully she will NEVER work for a newspaper. Ever. Because once you work for a newspaper you have to play by their rules and your stories get censored by idiotic hacks like Karen Webber at the Turtlegram. The fact of the matter is that blogging is the future of news media. We have the ability to tell the truth and report the facts that gutless editors at newspapers won’t allow.  The types of stories and the criticism she receives are eerily familiar. She mainly writes about local news stories that the major media outlets ignore. Like that local business owner who is suing the town of roof parties:

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The local Dad who isn’t allowed to attend his son’s preschool graduation:

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That guy who won’t take down his Christmas wreath even though it’s spring:

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The Spencer-East Brookfield School Committee Borough Council who won’t let citizens like her address them at meetings:

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Out of control skunks:

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Advice columns on the Easter Bunny from her older sister:

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A dying municipal economy:

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And steadily growing page views:

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And just like Turtleboy, she is criticized by local morons for not sugarcoating the truth like Joe Petty does:

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Yea Hilde, why aren’t you reporting on smiles and sunshine? Didn’t you get the memo? You’re not supposed to cover and expose the harsh reality of life in your news coverage. Only things that make your local leaders look good.

Anyway, this girl is a boss and we’ve got her back till the cows come home. You go girl!!




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27 Comment(s)
  • BBL
    April 13, 2016 at 10:38 am

    This girl rocks!

  • Scoop
    April 12, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    Let’s all be happy this girl hasn’t had the Worcester experience or her blog would read something like this, ‘ We had to go to Worcester today and my mom got us lost on side streets. We got stuck at a red light and zombies in dirty clothes and cardboard signs surrounded the car. It was very scary’.

  • Scoop
    April 12, 2016 at 10:05 pm

    Well I guess when I point out the obvious it doesn’t sit well. Here’s an interpretation of a Turtleboy stoned out local town drive by. This is West Boylston, here’s a picture of an old house, I drove around stoned for a couple hours with Turtle jr. in the back seat and spotted a shopping cart down outside of the Market parking lot! This is where dreams come to die! This is Sterling, sure there are some nice homes BUT what about this????? Some hippy is trying to sell a 1984 Camaro and it’s parked in the front lawn! Just face it Turtleboy you can drive to every town in Mass and none of them are as bad as Worcester (well maybe Springfield).

  • Adam
    April 12, 2016 at 9:43 am

    Hats off to this young woman. When I was 9, I was taking apart electric guitars to understand how they work. I’m an electrical engineer now. Parents should be encouraging kids to follow their passions. I will admit my father was not impressed when he came downstairs and saw my new guitar laid out in pieces…

  • TDF
    April 12, 2016 at 7:14 am

    Her having a blog is no different than another 9 year old having a lemonade stand.

    …and I love how all the “Perfect” parents come out of the wood work, if that was my daughter I would have been proud as can be about her doing that. I considered that some Successful Parenting right there….

  • Tudor turtle
    April 11, 2016 at 11:53 pm

    She should be Donald trump’s press secretary.

    • BobnMic
      April 11, 2016 at 11:58 pm

      That is NOT a crazy idea. He needs intelligence to mix in with his tenacity.

  • BobnMic
    April 11, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    Absolutely awesome. A unique and intelligent perspective from a 9 year old child. I’m sure the world view is different for kids that age than when I was 9. I can only image. An interesting comparison. Evolution before our eyes.

  • Gronkmonster
    April 11, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    This is one of the faults with Facebook being part of our world…Ass clowns like Rob start flapping their gums..10 years ago he would never have said a peep and just stayed in his corner cutting himself

    • Wabbitt
      April 12, 2016 at 12:24 pm

      He probably smoked behind the middle school with his friends, reading emo poetry and bitching about posers.

  • Del Griffith
    April 11, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    She beats every reporter and editor the Boston Globe has on staff.

    • Wabbitt
      April 12, 2016 at 12:23 pm

      Especially Shaunessey.

  • Scoop
    April 11, 2016 at 6:16 pm

    Turtleboy is so funny. It’s frightening how much you and a nine year old share a same mentality. All she has to do is try to peddle some crappy hooded sweat shirts on her blog and nobody would be able to tell the difference between the two of you. What’s on the agenda this week? Get stoned and drive thru more towns that are much nicer than the shit hole you live in and rag on them. Hey listen, if you can’t get a real paying job as a reporter just start a blog. Your only real competition is a nine year old! Somehow I can’t see a pulitzer prize in your future.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      April 11, 2016 at 6:40 pm

      I don’t know how you work but when I don’t like something or someone I avoid them. I mean, “break an ankle while doing a ninja back flip before I go near you” avoid. If you don’t like TBS, why are you here reading an article?

      • True Reality Speaks
        True Reality Speaks
        April 11, 2016 at 8:18 pm

        Mom grounded him from his xbox!

        • FiestyLawyerLady
          April 11, 2016 at 8:21 pm

          She probably wants him to see the light of day beyond the basement window.

      • Wabbitt
        April 12, 2016 at 12:21 pm

        Because he’s hopelessly butthurt that he’s stupider and less successful than a nine years old?

  • Curmudgeon
    April 11, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    Orange Street News is now in my favorites list! Precocious doesn’t even begin to describe this young lady.

    • Wabbitt
      April 12, 2016 at 12:20 pm

      Same. Count in another fan, even though I couldn’t ever hope to find Selinsgrove on a map.

      Yet my phone knew to auto-correct to it. Weird…

  • April 11, 2016 at 6:11 pm

    All those haters can kiss my wrinkled star. Hats off to TurtleGirl. I hope you guys send her some Turtleboy swag. Maybe even feature one of her stories every now and then just to keep her encouragement up there.

  • Gordie
    April 11, 2016 at 4:51 pm

    When I saw 9 me and my buddies walked the train tracks to find a missing boys dead body. Shit was wild. I had a leach on my peepee. And I didn’t wanna be a fucking writer. After that summer we all kind of went our separate ways.

    • Mojo
      April 11, 2016 at 5:28 pm

      Have gun, will travel, Gordie!

  • Hilde Kate Lysiak
    April 11, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    One day, maybe next week, I’m going to be Noah Bombard’s boss and I’m going to fire his worthless, Moxie splooging ass.

  • Man in the Cubicle
    April 11, 2016 at 3:04 pm

    All I can say is kids grow up too damn fast these days. When I was 9 years old, neither I or any of my peers gave a shit about the news. That was “grown up stuff”. We did what kids at that age should be doing: played outdoors, rode our bikes, played video games, etc.

    • TargetPractice
      April 11, 2016 at 6:42 pm

      Maybe thats why you’re in the cubicle and not the corner office. This girl is guaranteed to be more of a success than you when she reaches your age. I could understand the backlash against her reporting if her dad was forcing her to do it and sucking all of the joy out of it, however, this girl has a passion for reporting and she obviously has fun doing it. But no, you’re right, maybe the parents should melt her brain in front of the TV for the next 9 years and turn her into a cubicle sheep just like you.

      • Jake from State Farm
        April 12, 2016 at 8:32 am

        True American hero & future of journalism? LOL

        Fell for it, huh?

        She’s a young kid being operating & being directed by her parents. In an effort to garner attention. Gee, creating controversy by having a 9 yo covering a murder topic will sure gather social media buzz ….. Brilliant,. …..and dare I say it, maybe national news and talk show fame …. oh please oh please

        What’s that? Is that “Good Morning America” calling?

        this family screams …. look at me ….. LOOK AT ME

  • Mark Barbato
    April 11, 2016 at 1:40 pm

    Awesome! Simply Awesome!

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