This Bloated Goothpoon Glutmuffin Begging For Money Online So She Can Continue Living In A Motel With Her “Emotional Support” Cat Is A Shining Example Of So Many Reasons Humanity Is Probably Doomed

This Bloated Goothpoon Glutmuffin Begging For Money Online So She Can Continue Living In A Motel With Her “Emotional Support” Cat Is A Shining Example Of So Many Reasons Humanity Is Probably Doomed

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I’m going to get nostalgic for a moment, and reminiscence on one of the very first reasons I ultimately fell out of my left-wing crowd: welfare. I don’t love it. The idea that people too lazy to work can live an entire marginal lifetime off the scraps the government throws at this has always seemed counter-intuitive and demeaning to all parties involved to me. If you were to myopically look at the population of social welfare entitlement recipients, I believe you would find the closest thing in America to a modern day communist hell – hardworking families who just don’t earn quite enough, single mothers going through a transition and members of the workforce who were legitimately pushed out by disability are all regulated to struggling even with assistance to allow for useless gutterslugs to live their entire lives in complacent abject poverty. And everything is shit. If that’s not the picture of a broken system, I don’t know what is. There is no excuse for systemically enabling these people. There’s no excuse for being one of these people. We don’t have a social “safety net” – it’s a dredge and anchor.

Anyway, as much as I hate the current welfare system, something has emerged that I actually find more disdainful: Gofundme. At least with welfare you are expected to fill out some forms and get your ass of the couch to get some stamps to mail them back, or to a fax machine, at least once a year. You’re asked qualifying questions you are legally expected to answer honestly, and once in a while the state might even check on those answers. But Gofundme is the most shameless display of helpless ineptitude to ever exist. It’s panhandling, without the exposure to the elements and disapproving glares. From the comfort of your very own ass-molded indent in your Mountain dew stained couch, you can beg for money from unsuspecting strangers armed with nothing more than your cheeto dust stained fingertips and whatever insane, sad sack tale pops into your head. It used to be you’d see a shivering junkbox clutching a cardboard sign in the middle of a busy intersection in January, look at his blue, snot covered lips and think “Nope, I do NOT want to be that.” Now you can do the same essential thing; but warm, comfortable and with a great looking filter on your mug. People are going to defend you. Welfare has finite limitations in it’s funding – Gofundme is a wonderland full of potential, with seemingly infinite stupid, gullible strangers willing to get out their credit cards and donate to the downfall of American work ethic, productivity and dignity.

Gofundme is where shit like this doesn’t just exist, it fucking thrives.

“I really don’t like putting my personal life on the internet….”

But here you are, putting your personal failures right out there.

“My mother has been stretching her funds to try and keep me at the Baymont Inn and Suites….”

I’m sure she has zero regrets in her own life.

“Due to my mental and physical health a shelter is really not the ideal situation for me….”

But due to your current financial situation, it is.


Jesus H Christ. The fact that this chick does not acutely see the shame in being an apparently able bodied, no more than 30 year old woman who is temporarily living in a hotel room on her mother’s dime (to the detriment of her mother’s own life, at that) with no long term plan outside of collecting SSI, with a fucking CAT in tow enough to not publicly admit it, disturbs me. And the entire plea for help just drips with “No judgement, please.” Pro tip, you homeless heifer – If you don’t want to be judged negatively, either grow up and be a productive member of society or shut the fuck up already. Really. Look at what we’re dealing with here.



But God forbid Mcheartattack with fleas has to go to a homeless shelter! I mean, there are people literally starving to death in shithole third world countries who fully understand that clean drinking water isn’t a basic human right, just because they lost the geographic and genetic lottery at birth. No other reason than that. But we should all feel bad for this sad cow

Because her feelings make it hard to bag groceries for $12 an hour. Seems legit. And as an added bonus, she’s one of those “I need my service animal” slugrakes, too. Right next to my hatred of welfare sits my hatred of that fucking scam.

Why does anyone get a pet, if not for the companionship and emotional support they offer? Do you really thing that mongoloid tub of fat and feeling said to herself, “Oh, look at this thing”:

“I have always wanted to spend a shitton of money on vet bills, food, grooming and preventative medications. I have always wanted to clean another creatures shit out of a box/the yard. This alone would make me truly happy.”

No. You saw the cat, thought it was cute, and decided you wanted it to fill that remaining sliver of a void chocolate cream pie and cheese whizz does not. Most people probably don’t like you all that much, but this creature literally has no other resources to feed itself other than your sorry ass, so it tolerates you. Therefore you feel “supported”. That is a pet. Because you feel entitled to that pet, property owners be damned, you figured out your way around a system that literally does not care about the actual merits of your claim soas to stay woke and “inclusive”. You love that no one is legally allowed to scrutinize your claim to “need” this pet, because at your core you too know it’s bullshit.

You get a two for one special with an ESA, too. It’s validation that you are indeed, “disabled”. Not so disabled as to prevent you from the enjoyments of life to which you feel entitled, of course. Just too disabled to work or assume any adult responsibility. And who am I even kidding? This broad surely is not providing all of the aforementioned necessities to that animal. She can’t even support herself.

That is the face of a creature wondering how the hell it’s life turned out the way it has. Tough break, kitty.

Not only is this shit entitled, scummy and self victimizing, it’s also pretty shitty to the cat. Pets are kind of like children – they rely on whoever assumes dominion over their lives for literally every aspect of their survival. Can you imagine trying this shit with children? “I can’t take care of myself in even the smallest scope of the concept – I need my emotional support child.” That’s a loss of custody, not a goddamn certificate to keep them no matter what.


And with this emogoon cryface, I couldn’t even venture the extent of her relationship with that cat because from the outside it looks pretty fucking weird. Definitely does not appear to be helping her overall stability.

But, anyway, gutterskunk, this is my open letter to you. I won’t be donating a cent to your vagrant fund, but let me give you a tip – No amount of online donations or social security checks is going to buy you the life skills you need to actually survive in this world. Though I am sure once your stupid online attempts tank you will scramble to get your greasy sausage mitts around whatever government cash you can grab, in the long run, you’re losing. You and so many other of your “special”, “struggling”, entitled friends will never know the pride in getting through a full 24 hours on your own two feet, not owing anything to anyone. You will never have the dignity that comes with offering more to society than you take away from it, or even really breaking even. You have relegated your own life to a level of degradation that others would find soul crushing, and you have accepted this thus far. You are but one of many, but today you are the star; because you so clearly show an internal distinction that separates the wanting from the willing – instead of cleaning up and climbing out of the mess you have created for yourself, and maybe even learning something in the process, you roll over and lay out crying in your own shit.


The only thing I have any sympathy for here would be that cat – and I don’t even like cats. But he’s forced to migrate from scum motel to scum motel with this face


And that’s fucking tragic.


36 Comment(s)
  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    November 29, 2018 at 1:47 pm

    Ditch the smartphone and lose about 150lbs or so. Then she’ll be on her way with some extra cash. How can anybody with a BMI of 50 think they can be taken seriously?

  • Clee Torres
    November 29, 2018 at 1:01 pm

    Enough is enough with these Emotional Support pets running around every supermarket, mall and bank you set foot into nowadays. It’s bullshit cockamamie disabilities like these that take away resources and attention that should instead go to people with real problems like blindness, epilepsy, or immobility. 3-4 times a week I’ll see a different lumpy middle aged woman walking around a bank or store with her dog and making a spectacle of herself while people are trying to conduct business.

    A Service Pet and a “Support” Pet are two entirely different things – the former is protected by the ADA, while the latter has NO rights under the law. Businesses can tell people who want to buck the rules by claiming they need their emotional support dog to make a withdrawal or buy a gallon of milk can be told to go piss up a rope.

  • Seneca
    November 29, 2018 at 10:19 am

    How about this? Swap out welfare for GoFundMe.

    All welfare is, in any event, is GoFundMe…with the government pointing a gun at the taxpayers to force them to cough up.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      November 29, 2018 at 1:40 pm

      Cut out state welfare and give every taxpayer Gofundme “dollars” and make everybody who wants a handout create a Gofundme request. Then we can support the people we want.

  • Whoa Nellie
    November 29, 2018 at 10:07 am

    Eh, I am a true turtle riding fan but this was over the top.
    Subtlety is the best way of getting your point across.
    I work, and hate slothy welfare scammers as much as the next guy but this was like kicking a ….kitten.
    Try harder next time or take some lessons from one of the other writers.

    • HarDo
      November 30, 2018 at 10:32 am

      …like kicking her fursona? Gimme a fuckin break.

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    November 29, 2018 at 10:00 am

    She’s a very sad person.
    But, hey, piling on makes us all feel superior now doesn’t it?

  • Frank Rizzo
    November 29, 2018 at 9:07 am

    Bristol you really had it goin” on this one! Are you single? This one lives in the same motel that small engine repair axxhole does. Small world huh?

  • want a visit
    November 29, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Stop the acting and get a job. Contribute to SS like the rest of us to support ourselves during retirement. Do not take that money because you don’t feel like working. I may just drop by the Baymont and visit for a chat.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 29, 2018 at 7:46 am

    Her nickname is ‘Battsy’

    Because she’s batshit nuts

  • WeAreFukd
    November 29, 2018 at 7:45 am

    Since none of us are doctors who have had the pleasure of actually diagnosing her, I think we are assuming she is just fat and lazy. Maybe she’s just that.

    Maybe she’s mentally ill. I mean like really crazy. I can’t tell 100% from Facebook posts. Can you?

    Tattoo’s are one of the first signs of mental illness I can see in her. (Hey tat lovers, sorry, but look it up. 90% of you are getting tattoos for what you think is one thing, when indeed it’s another you are totally unaware of.) Overweight = obesity = mental illness. I could go on & on. This girl isn’t right. The medication (tats, cats, pizza…) she is on isn’t working.

    Remember back in the early 1900’s when we didn’t understand mental illness and we just built huge hospital for all the wack-jobs? Well we still don’t understand mental illness. This blog could just as easily be about the perfectly normal appearing veteran with severe PTSD who can’t work because everyone in his platoon blew up and pieces of their brains were all over him.

    Mom… get her help.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      November 29, 2018 at 1:52 pm

      It’s the type of mental illness that a job and regular execise can cure.

  • z
    November 29, 2018 at 7:33 am

    Shame can be a learning tool. The lack of it can result in this. Being ashamed is the 1st step in realizing that “This isn’t working out for me. It really isn’t a good life strategy”

    Use it as a constant reminder that you don’t want to feel that way anymore. Don’t embrace it and wallow in it. Then you become a joke and you end up here being ridiculed.

    It is a lot better to say “I was that” instead of wearing this “I am this, so there!!”

  • Velvet Jones, Flesh Rental Agent
    November 29, 2018 at 2:11 am

    She could be an earner.
    At least bobbing for baby batter.
    I got some select clientele that like them big with no holes barred.
    The goth look might bring an extra few bucks with all that dark makeup getting tear streaked.
    Wouldn’t even have to get her hooked on the junk. A few Happy Meals and some cat food will be enough to get things going.
    Her mom would probably thank me.

    • I wanna be a ho
      November 29, 2018 at 8:48 am

      She could be a cam girl. There’s a niche market that caters to dudes who like to watch fat women eat. Swear to god. Since she’s a fury she could dress up as a bison and eat salads all day or something. 

      • Let me up, I've had enough
        November 29, 2018 at 2:26 pm

        BWHAHAHAHAHAHA. Fucking Awesome.

  • jamalkhashoggi's severed cock
    November 28, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    If you feed stray cats you get more stray cats. Fuck her , filthy scum. She could be a pecker checker at some gay bath house (like the Massachusetts senate offices) fucken whore, Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa to that halfwit Randall Gay (fucking imbecile)

    • Y
      November 28, 2018 at 11:03 pm

      Randalllllll doesn’t even deserve a Happy Kwanzaa…s/he does every one of my black friends, along with every other POC I know, a giant disservice.
      The blacks don’t want shim, trust me.
      Every ethnicity I know can’t stand that fuck-bag; they all tell me s/he must be a lesbian Subaru driver from Vermont, but I’m not sure, as s/he’s said (repeatedly) s/he’s from various places, such as Shrewsbury, Ohio, etc. (typical).

  • MrSmiley
    November 28, 2018 at 9:42 pm

    Bring back natural selection. Fuck carrying this freeloading tubogoo. Can afford ink, hairdye, is she eating the catfood?? Naaah let it become a bridge troll. People have no dignity or self respect anymore. Homeless used to mean no pets, 1 set of clothes, no phones, no food, on literally last penny… Heck people are stapling signs to telephone poles hiring for positions. Get a GD job and slave like the rest of us.

  • Judge dread
    November 28, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    Oh for fucks sake she had to post furry art? Wasn’t goth so like 1996?

    Create a fake goth night, lure her in, and turn this fat dumb bitch into soap… Sell it to hot topic.

    She is probably but hurt cuz she was ostracized by her polyamarous fat crew. Here’s an idea for you: go live with your mother. Otherwise the beatings will continue until your moral improves.

    • Y
      November 28, 2018 at 10:56 pm

      Oh my Goth

  • Lipstickhippie
    Lipstick Hippie
    November 28, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    Hold it…isn’t that bag of dicks Kevin Ribiero staying at the Baymont? She should hit him up and see if he’s willing to share some of the cash he’s stealing from people.

    • crazycats
      November 28, 2018 at 9:24 pm

      This is the third TBS story involving a Baymont recently.

      Baymont is starting to become the unofficial hotel of TBS…remember the story about the owner of a Manchester, CT Baymont, who was arrested for attempted child sex trafficking?

  • z
    November 28, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    Joining the military would make a real woman out of her and would put hair on her chest.
    Grow up, rub some dirt on it!!!!!!

    Seriously, she’s pathetic and knows it. Unfortunately, she doesn’t want to do anything about it. It’s easier to exist and drown in your tears. I think most of the money would go to black lipstick and non-natural hair coloring. Then, on those days when she gets off her ass and looks for a job she can bitch that no one will hire her because she’s a non-conformist.

    • Hugh-Bo Mont
      November 29, 2018 at 1:56 pm

      Yup, “I’m here for the job” neck or face tatoos are next.

  • Dale Grady
    November 28, 2018 at 7:10 pm

    I am on the road 100 nights a year. generally speaking Baymont is out of my price range, lady the Motel 6 takes pets. secondly I live near Burlington North Carolina you can’t walk outside and throw a tennis ball without hitting three job opportunities she could have a job tomorrow if she wanted one. SSI won’t hardly pay rent in that area so what is her actual okan?

  • Privatize Welfare
    November 28, 2018 at 6:03 pm

    I’m going to disagree. I think that all able bodied people unwilling to work should rely entirely on gofundme and direct private donations. The welfare system is very corrupt. San Francisco spends more than $40k per homeless person so obviously there’s some serious leakage in that program. Gofundme allows people to put their money where there mouth is. If you want to sponsor a vagrant here’s your opportunity just don’t expect me to waste my money too.

  • Skeptical
    November 28, 2018 at 5:36 pm

    Jeeezus Christ, another ridiculously long blog from you Bristol about absolutely nothing.

    How do we know anything you write is real or fabricated anyways?

    • itsjustme
      November 28, 2018 at 7:18 pm

      It’s real because this scum put everything on the internet for all to read, begging for money because she is too lazy to work. You also didn’t have to read it.
      I don’t think it was long enough. She left out the part where her mother would rather pay for her daughter to live in some scummy motel than let her move in with her.

    • Sir Wilfred Death
      November 28, 2018 at 7:54 pm

      I agree generally with the critique of GoFundMe.

      However, this was so over the top that it hurts BTC’s credibility. Way overdone. We get the point. But kicking someone who obviously is screwed up over and over and over is just cruel. For fuck’s sake, get a sense of proportion.

      • Make it right, BTC
        November 29, 2018 at 2:28 am

        Bristol Trailergirl is trying too hard to get some distance between her and that hit piece abortion of an article wrongfully trashing a retired Correction Officer’s reputation that she wouldn’t fully atone for.
        Like we should expect any better from anything out of Bristol County.
        It doesn’t look good for the rest of the turtle crew, either.
        I’m sure she has some redeeming qualities. For instance, I have it on good authority that her uncle says she’s the best kisser in the whole trailer park.

    • Ebenezer Screw
      November 29, 2018 at 12:55 pm

      Oh shut the fuck up. She wanted attention, now she’s getting it.

  • DJ
    November 28, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    And her reason for NOT getting a fucking job is what??? She looks able to work somewhere. I mean why on earth do these scumbags think its ok to beg strangers for money. She obviously has money to eat a lot so where dies she get money for food? She is just a weirdo with a cat its not a cat to help her its just a cat. Clearly this piece if shit is just another ratchet trying to live their version of the American dream, which is sucking off the government got and begging strangers to support her fat, lazy excuse of a life. Fuck out of here.. I wouldn’t give this bag a shit one penny. Get a job loser.

    • crazycats
      November 28, 2018 at 8:24 pm

      “She is just a weirdo with a cat its not a cat to help her its just a cat.”

      Since she is now self-identifying as a cat (“furry community”), that cat may indeed be more than “just a cat” to her.


  • Travis Rearick
    fellow sea creature
    November 28, 2018 at 5:06 pm

    Aren’t they usually dead when they wash up on the beach?

  • Y
    November 28, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    She must be friends with that thing Sir Isaac the Cat or whatever the fuck it identifies itself as today.

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