Social Justice Warriors

This Fake Muslim Chick Told The Most Amazing Viral Lie We’ve Ever Seen On Social Media About A Rainbow Coalition Fighting Klansmen Who Attacked A Muslim Girl

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We’ve seen a lot of “Trump emboldened racist people to do really racist things” that have all turned out to be hoaxes since the election ended. But the latest viral Facebook post from some Muslim chick in Columbus is probably the most AMAZING (now deleted) tall tale of all time:


Let’s start from the top. This chick’s name is Cynthia Ubaldo. Her ancestors are Mexican. She is American. So… the hell did she become a Muslim? This is her in social situations:





And this is her in political situations:



Oh look, she’s only Muslim when the cameras are rolling and politics is involved. I wonder why? Oh yea, because she converted to Islam JUST so she could be a victim. That’s literally the only reason why a Mexican chick from Columbus is ever attracted to Islam.  If she had an abusive Chechen husband, that would be one thing. But she’s a single Mexican-American chick from Ohio. Single Mexican-American chicks from Ohio don’t convert to Islam.

But notice in her Facebook post how she proudly tells everyone how she has some sort of symbiotic kinship with every other Muslim girl in town:


Oh, and her Spanish came in handy too. Ya never know when you’re gonna see a group of Latino dudes coming out of the all you can eat seafood buffet who can help a 16 year old Muslim chick getting her ass kicked by three white guys for absolutely no reason.

She continued…


Oh. My. God. How dumb do you have to be to believe this? First the racist guys start kicking the shit out of a Muslim chick for absolutely no rason other than Islamophobia. Then the Latino guys start throwing down and it’s pretty even. Next thing you know a group of black guys and two more Asians come out, nearly completing the SJW rainbow coalition, and they totally start kicking the white guy’s asses. The only thing that was missing from this story was Caitlyn Jenner finishing them off with the people’s elbow.

Oh, and even though these guys just got their asses beat in a gigantic parking lot race war in broad daylight, it didn’t stop them from starting an impromptu Trump chant before they left in their Japanese car. Ya know, because Trump is famous for wanting to make America great again while outsourcing jobs overseas. I’d love to see the tape from one of the dozens of onlookers, but even in the era of cell phones not one person was able to record or photograph this gigantic brawl. Yup, this story definitely checks out.

Anyway, this chick has some pretty vivid details. She knew the make and model of the car, and she made notes of all of their races and voting preferences, so I’m sure she got the license plate then, right?




She also failed to mention any streets she was near, stores, or any other details that would make this story confirmable. Because she knows the first thing Turtleboy would do is call the Columbus PD to see if anyone called them. Luckily the girl was OK because she’s not real and no one attacked her. And naturally Cynthia had to take a parting shot at the cops for not doing their job and stopping this imaginary hate crime gone wrong.


It was on Ohio plate? In Ohio? Well then, you’ve cracked the case!!

But despite the fact that you’d have to be a complete fucking idiot to believe this story, so many people jumped on board because it fit their agenda to believe it:


Love trumps hate, right Cynthia?


Oh. Guess not.








Of course the white people who witnessed this imaginary event did nothing to stop it. Because all white people are racist and we like to see 16 year old Muslim girls get beat up by rednecks. If only I was born Chinese, black, or Latino. Then I’d be brave enough to do the right thing. Makes sense. After all, according to Cynthia white people are the only people who can be racist.



Translation – you reacted EXACTLY how she hoped you would react. You blamed this imaginary event on Trump. Because you know that in your heart of hearts nothing has really changed. Muslim chicks aren’t getting attacked for no reason. But you kind of want them to so you can have something to complain about. So when it doesn’t happen you just have to make it up. SJW 101 stuff.


Except he denounced them on 60 Minutes over a week ago. Unlike Hillary and Obama who have urged the “peaceful protesters” to keep protesting blocking highways and burning shit, because they don’t like the results of a fair and democratic election.


Thanks Asaf. It wasn’t easy for Cynthia to concoct a story so perfect, but it was all worth it to see you kiss her ass on social media.

Cynthia has been a diehard Hillary supporter since Bernie sold out before the convention. She actually went to the Democratic National Convention in Philly. But instead of being a grown up and paying her own way, she started this GoFundMe so everyone else can pay for her vacation instead. Just a reminder that Turtleboy also went to the DNC to protest a variety of injustices. But we paid our own way instead of begging our followers to chip in. Ya know, because we’re adults and all.

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Anyway, Cynthia Ubaldo is the face of the “tolerance” crowd. She wants Americans to come together and respects people who think differently than she does:


She thinks a lot about what it would be like if Trump was assassinated:


She is EXTREMELY witty and hilarious with her meme game:


She wants Muslim women to remain peaceful in the face of all this fabricated Islamophobia:


Oh, and it’s totally not the first time something like this has happened:


What a coincidence that she just happened to be in the parking lot where this anti-Muslim attack occurred. What are the odds?

Anyway, in case you haven’t figure out yet, none of these hoaxes are real. And I mean NONE of them. Not one single incident has been documented with anything other than an unconfirmed anecdote. Every single one of these stories is either completely made up or a hoax perpetrated by anti-Trump dooshnozzles who can’t stomach the fact that he’s the next President. If you fell for any of them, you’re obviously not very smart. But that’s OK. This is why you read Turtleboy. Because someone has to open your eyes and show you the light.


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54 Comment(s)
  • Pllfatttt
    November 22, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    It is interesting how she lists the country of origin of EVERYONE (except the white guys) in the story…seriously, what is she, a census worker?

    AND…was the man associated with the buffet REALLY Chinese, or is she just lumping all Asians together?

  • Mayoress Morse (Princess of Holyoke)
    November 22, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    Oh how sexy!! It took four black, three hispanic and two asian men to beat up three white men to get me aroused. GROWWWWL I wish I was in the middle of this fruckus.

  • My Left Nut
    November 22, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    It’s awesome that you’ll cover every protest and SJW event that happens, but you’re totally ignoring all the documented Nazi bullshit that’s been going on by the “alt-right”. Impartial journalism, my anus; it’s totally fine to call out the protesters for violence, but it’s a two-way street. Hang it up, Turtleboy; you won’t denounce it because you agree with it. The cast of Hamilton were SO OFFENSIVE, but people actually heiling Trump isn’t worth the coverage? You’re an opportunistic creep pushing an agenda.

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      November 22, 2016 at 5:34 pm

      Simple. The media is already giving that nazi trash plenty of attention. They aren’t covering the SJW BS.

    • Turd Burglestein
      November 22, 2016 at 6:00 pm

      Funny how nearly every hate crime reported by SJWs turns out to be a hoax huh? But it’s mighty convenient to make those sensational headlines, but brush everything under the rug once the hoax is revealed. Remember this simple fact…SJWs always lie.

      • BobnMic
        November 22, 2016 at 6:04 pm

        Well being the President of the Fiesty Latino Queen Wreaking Rican fan club you and her ought to know everything there is know about that now wouldn’t you.

        • lAquisha Queen
          November 22, 2016 at 6:29 pm

          Well now you know Bob you aint know nothin! On the A.M. me an Laquisha gonna be in line fightin ’bout what baby am get most benefit and we do it again EVERY FUCKING DAY!!! Da fat guard Charlie who stand by the rope am our bitch lol…..word! You aint play this game! There ain’t no wait your turn when I lookin’ for my great Granson benefits bitch!. I’m loudf and I’m proud, I ain’t never worked but white people and straights owe me a bank account!

    • KimberlyS
      November 23, 2016 at 9:25 am

      Why cover it? Trump denounces them, and all the MSM are doing is making them seem more important than they are. And why are the MSM denying the fact that he has denounced them, anyway?

      President-elect Donald Trump on Tuesday said he did not want to “energize” the alt-right movement and denounced the conference held over the weekend where white nationalists cheered his election and used Nazi-era terms and salutes.

      “I disavow and condemn them,” Trump said at an on-the-record session with New York Times reporters and columnists when asked directly about the meeting.

      He also said he didn’t believe that he had energized such groups.
      “It’s not a group I want to energize,” Trump said. “And if they are energized I want to look into it and find out why.”

      Source – “The Hill” – 11/22/2016

      • True Reality Speaks
        November 23, 2016 at 12:31 pm

        Sorry if that denouncement rings false when he installs the guy who invented the alt-right in his cabinet. Hmm, could that be why they’re “energized”? Trump loves to do this crap: loudly whip up a whole bunch of people with emotional rhetoric, then quietly stand back and issue a one-line statement all “just kiddin guys, jeez, can’t believe you took that seriously. Aw, shucks, it’s not MY fault, I would NEVER condone this behavior.”

        • KimberlyS
          November 25, 2016 at 11:55 am

          Is that Progressive Talking Point #12, or #13? I get them all confused.

  • Reality Truly Speaks
    November 22, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    You tell em TB!!! This is America, where Mexicans are only allowed to be Catholic! IT’S in the friggin first amendment! If you go confusing things by being muslim, how will we know where to deport you to?

  • Justice
    November 22, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Sounds very racist to me. CYNTHIA IS THE RACIST. SHE HATES WHITE PEOPLE. (Oh wait…UNJUSTIFIED hatred toward white people can’t be racist. My bad.)

    What a fucking fraud liar. TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dave Lind
    November 22, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    Bobbing on Dick = uselessness. You should know that meaning all too well loser. When will u ever get the hint and fuck off?

  • Duke Westwood
    November 22, 2016 at 11:04 am

    Jesus… That dead tooth… jumps right out at me… Gah! She needs one of them full face burkas…

    • Mike
      November 22, 2016 at 2:05 pm

      yeah! deport all the ugly chicks back to uglistan!

      • No fat chicks
        November 22, 2016 at 5:01 pm

        And don’t forget the fatties… Not the cute lil chubsters… The big ole blue whale fatties!

  • The Wall
    November 22, 2016 at 8:28 am

    I’m sorry, I do think the “Laughlin Kennel likes Nickelback” poster is hilarious

    • BobnMic's Tiny Penis
      November 22, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      I would rather be stuck in an elevator with Nickelback on an endless loop than have to see another moronic post by either BobbinonDic or his gay lover Lars Paulson.

      • Future History
        November 22, 2016 at 3:13 pm

        History behind the History

        The death of Vladimir
        Unbeknownst to Jacques Philippe Villere XIV,  his prize poodle and stud of the ages, Vladimir, had developed a peanut allergy. Vlad was very large for a Standard Poodle, weighing in at 90lbs, a tanish-yellow color, and coiffed like a lion, a tradition started by his great grandfather, Jacques Philippe Villere. Anytime there was a peanut butter party on the agenda, he was at the front of the line. He wasn’t called Vlad the Impaler for nothing, but I digress.
        Presumably Vlad cultivated the allergy subsequent to the raucous goings on the night that later became known as “The Penetrating of Paul Larson”, after extirpating Peter Pan from a cavity, as he was trained to do. Of course, Paul Larson was delighted with the attention from Vlad. It was at this time, Jacques became incensed, flew into a jealous rage and the ensuing hissy fit resulted in Paul’s grievous injuries from the repeated blows of the Frenchman’s “Baton Violet”. It was only a short time later that Vladimir was chasing a squirrel through a park, when the squirrel shat a bit. Mere seconds after the great Vlad the Impaler inhaled the pellet, he was no more. That my friends, was a sad day, and Paul wept.

        • Devils Mouthpiece
          November 22, 2016 at 5:25 pm

          Quite the imagination. Amusing, yes. Entertaining, yes.

          • BobnMic
            November 22, 2016 at 5:37 pm

            Being an asshole YES

          • Future History
            November 22, 2016 at 6:27 pm

            What? That shit happened for realz. It was told to me by Vlad’s vet’s assistant’s assistant in charge of expressing… and she would know. It’s a nasty business, but somebody’s got to massage the anal glands like BobnMic

        • BobnMic's Gerbil
          November 22, 2016 at 5:54 pm

          BobnMic never uses peanut butter during our sessions. Just those dried up hartz treats he buys at Big Lots.

          • Future History
            November 22, 2016 at 6:30 pm

            Damn, so no tiny tongue for his tiny penis. He must be afraid you’d bite it off Mr Gerbil

  • Misti Iorio
    November 22, 2016 at 8:21 am

    TB– we’re due for a “Free My Boi”/Webster ratchet kind of story!

  • Joshua Odam
    November 22, 2016 at 8:16 am

    You mean to say that a couple of Negro/Negress/Negrx folks jumped in to help

  • Independent Thinker
    November 22, 2016 at 8:06 am

    Just another example of the leftist progressives trying to pit everyone against the whites.

    It seems they’re disappointed that the only thing they can complain about is how much it costs to protect Trump, but that’s true of any President. They are also complaining about having to protect Trump’s son at school, but nobody was complaining when a secret service agent had to stand outside the door of Chelsea’s dorm room.

    • leftist progressive
      November 22, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      actually we have a lot to complain about, you just refuse to listen.

      • RIP Hillary
        November 22, 2016 at 1:08 pm

        Fuck off

      • KimberlyS
        November 22, 2016 at 1:44 pm

        Oh, we hear you. We just find your complaints banal and insipid.

        Need a safe space?

        • leftist progressive
          November 22, 2016 at 2:04 pm

          If I needed a safe space, I wouldn’t be in the comments section of Turtleboy. Do you realize that “safe spaces” and “political correctness” exist on the other side of the political spectrum, too? They just use different buzzwords.

          • KimberlyS
            November 22, 2016 at 2:10 pm

            No, I’m pretty sure “safe spaces” are a completely leftist construct.

            “Politically Correct” used to be called ‘being polite’, or ‘being respectful’ – but it’s gone so overboard now because of “microaggressions” and “cultural appropriation” that it’s amazing some people can ever leave their homes without fear of offending someone.

            While I have no desire to be deliberately offensive to anyone – it’s not the way I was raised – I’m not going to bend over backwards and censor my words or thoughts on the off-chance I might offend someone who can’t handle it.

          • Bill P.
            November 22, 2016 at 4:51 pm

            Like someone said earlier… fuck off.

  • Bill P.
    November 22, 2016 at 8:04 am

    Me, her, a gallon of baby oil and a hardwood floor.

  • fordsnharleys
    November 22, 2016 at 7:27 am

    She left out the part where they grabbed her pussy.

    • KimberlyS
      November 22, 2016 at 9:40 am

      Well, that goes without saying.

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    November 22, 2016 at 6:29 am

    Just more proof liberalism is a mental illness. Take that dried up old prune of a bigot old ballz, he worships Louis Farrakhan. Need I say more?

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    November 22, 2016 at 5:37 am

    This is what happens with such technology at our fingertips… every whacko can become their own journalist… kinda like Brian Williams, who was TOTALLY shot down y’know!

    If the pros do it, why not the amateurs too?

    • hqyq
      November 22, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      oh the irony…

  • Wwy
    November 22, 2016 at 1:44 am

    Trump just ripped the Jewish owned American media for lying for 30 years, Ron Paul listed fake Jewish “journalists” Blitzer,Tapper etc. classic. Bastards lie us into wars.

    • BobnMic
      November 22, 2016 at 2:17 am

      I am lovin’ Trump ripping the media. Just loving it. Nothing but liberal propaganda that he is ripping no different than Nazism. Never the whole story just only one side. This is where the internet becomes useful other than porn and assholes like Fiesty the fake lawyer ghetto rat Latino Queen.

      She falls in that category of uselessness and porn from her comments…

      • The Philistine
        November 22, 2016 at 4:56 am

        What broke you?

      • You suck at life
        November 22, 2016 at 9:37 am

        Way to keep it on topic!!! Keep “counter-punching” you sucker punching grundle duster. Another unprovoked escalation. You’re vile.

        • Turd Burglestein
          November 22, 2016 at 2:39 pm

          What is a grundle? Is it balls by any chance? Because I can totally see BobnMic being a ballduster, using that little pube farm on his chin he tries to pass off as a goate.

          • Merriam Webster
            November 22, 2016 at 2:45 pm

            Tain’t quite the balls… Tain’t quite the asshole… On a woman, it is commonly known as the chinrest…

            Grundle Noun. (plural grundles) (US, slang) The area between anus and scrotum in a male. The prime piece of real estate located conveniently between Scrotumburg and Anusville.

            ie.. BobnMic lives in a quiet house down on the grundle.

          • Turd Burglestein
            November 22, 2016 at 3:09 pm

            Fascinating…I always thought it was called a gooch.

      • BobnMic's Gaping Anus
        November 22, 2016 at 1:31 pm

        You can tell that Trump ripped me a new asshole too. Just look how YUUUUGE it is.

        • BobnMic
          November 22, 2016 at 1:50 pm

          Very mature. You do realize that teenaged kids read this blog right? All F bombs aside, what is it exactly that you are trying to prove with your disgusting avatar?

          People – welcome to Fiesty’s crew. A guy infatuated with his own shit with some dude ripping apart his ass. Excellent crew you got there Fiesty Latino Queen. Top notch.

          Losers following losers I suspect. Boy – for a ghetto slimy trash Latino Queen – you do have a following that is a force to be reckoned with. Hahahahahaha…

          • Grump
            November 22, 2016 at 1:58 pm

            Bob, you do realize that it’s mostly teenaged kids leaving these comments? if the level of discourse is anything to judge by. But then what do you expect from a blog who hosts ads from a company that will send anyone’s cell phone a “barrage of dick pics”?

          • Turd Burglestein
            November 22, 2016 at 2:32 pm

            Hey fagitron…when you gonna make good on your empty threat 9f pedaling your tricycle on over to my house in SW Worcester and give me that asskicking you’ve been bragging you’d do to me if I didn’t stop? I figure your man-jawed wife Nic hole keeps your tiny raisin balls in a thimble. So come on tough guy, stop being a keyboard cunt and come tango with the Turdman. I’ll knock you the fuck down and take a big nasty shit right in your mouth before I kick your meth mouth dentures down your cum yodeling throat.

            As the slogan goes…

            CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???

            Well can you bitchboi?

          • Turd Burglestein
            November 22, 2016 at 4:55 pm

            Psst… BobnMic…Imma let you in on a secret. Every teenager who has been on the internet has seen the goatse and micro peen pictures long before they graduated to reading this blog. But I know it pisses you off to no end and I hear from the 9 other posters I keep in touch with say it’s quite amusing, so its purpose is dual serving.

  • RIP Hillary
    November 22, 2016 at 1:27 am

    Every time a story like this comes out, especially when shared by
    social media/Facebook, I try to find the police report.
    I know how to access criminal complaints and I usually always find a way to get
    any type of report.
    95% of the time in these “hate crimes” I can’t find any record.
    Yes, some are legit, bad crimes committed by lowlifes, but most ARE MADE UP.
    Shame the media can’t be honest and have “updates.”

    • Cocomom
      November 22, 2016 at 3:01 am

      The police report AND the video. This broad describes a free-for-all, there is NO WAY it wasn’t caught on video. IT DID NOT HAPPEN. Reminds of the SJW female on the Red Line train who came to the aid of innocent black kid who was singled out by transit police..That too, was an exaggeration of mega proportions.

  • Shackleford
    November 21, 2016 at 11:38 pm

    Fucking love Turtleboy. Love the fact that you stay with these stories and update us. That’s something the mainstream media never does.

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