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We’ve seen a lot of “Trump emboldened racist people to do really racist things” that have all turned out to be hoaxes since the election ended. But the latest viral Facebook post from some Muslim chick in Columbus is probably the most AMAZING (now deleted) tall tale of all time:
Let’s start from the top. This chick’s name is Cynthia Ubaldo. Her ancestors are Mexican. She is American. So…..how the hell did she become a Muslim? This is her in social situations:
And this is her in political situations:
Oh look, she’s only Muslim when the cameras are rolling and politics is involved. I wonder why? Oh yea, because she converted to Islam JUST so she could be a victim. That’s literally the only reason why a Mexican chick from Columbus is ever attracted to Islam. If she had an abusive Chechen husband, that would be one thing. But she’s a single Mexican-American chick from Ohio. Single Mexican-American chicks from Ohio don’t convert to Islam.
But notice in her Facebook post how she proudly tells everyone how she has some sort of symbiotic kinship with every other Muslim girl in town:
Oh, and her Spanish came in handy too. Ya never know when you’re gonna see a group of Latino dudes coming out of the all you can eat seafood buffet who can help a 16 year old Muslim chick getting her ass kicked by three white guys for absolutely no reason.
Oh. My. God. How dumb do you have to be to believe this? First the racist guys start kicking the shit out of a Muslim chick for absolutely no rason other than Islamophobia. Then the Latino guys start throwing down and it’s pretty even. Next thing you know a group of black guys and two more Asians come out, nearly completing the SJW rainbow coalition, and they totally start kicking the white guy’s asses. The only thing that was missing from this story was Caitlyn Jenner finishing them off with the people’s elbow.
Oh, and even though these guys just got their asses beat in a gigantic parking lot race war in broad daylight, it didn’t stop them from starting an impromptu Trump chant before they left in their Japanese car. Ya know, because Trump is famous for wanting to make America great again while outsourcing jobs overseas. I’d love to see the tape from one of the dozens of onlookers, but even in the era of cell phones not one person was able to record or photograph this gigantic brawl. Yup, this story definitely checks out.
Anyway, this chick has some pretty vivid details. She knew the make and model of the car, and she made notes of all of their races and voting preferences, so I’m sure she got the license plate then, right?
She also failed to mention any streets she was near, stores, or any other details that would make this story confirmable. Because she knows the first thing Turtleboy would do is call the Columbus PD to see if anyone called them. Luckily the girl was OK because she’s not real and no one attacked her. And naturally Cynthia had to take a parting shot at the cops for not doing their job and stopping this imaginary hate crime gone wrong.
It was on Ohio plate? In Ohio? Well then, you’ve cracked the case!!
But despite the fact that you’d have to be a complete fucking idiot to believe this story, so many people jumped on board because it fit their agenda to believe it:
Love trumps hate, right Cynthia?
Oh. Guess not.
Of course the white people who witnessed this imaginary event did nothing to stop it. Because all white people are racist and we like to see 16 year old Muslim girls get beat up by rednecks. If only I was born Chinese, black, or Latino. Then I’d be brave enough to do the right thing. Makes sense. After all, according to Cynthia white people are the only people who can be racist.
Translation – you reacted EXACTLY how she hoped you would react. You blamed this imaginary event on Trump. Because you know that in your heart of hearts nothing has really changed. Muslim chicks aren’t getting attacked for no reason. But you kind of want them to so you can have something to complain about. So when it doesn’t happen you just have to make it up. SJW 101 stuff.
Except he denounced them on 60 Minutes over a week ago. Unlike Hillary and Obama who have urged the “peaceful protesters” to keep
protesting blocking highways and burning shit, because they don’t like the results of a fair and democratic election.
Thanks Asaf. It wasn’t easy for Cynthia to concoct a story so perfect, but it was all worth it to see you kiss her ass on social media.
Cynthia has been a diehard Hillary supporter since Bernie sold out before the convention. She actually went to the Democratic National Convention in Philly. But instead of being a grown up and paying her own way, she started this GoFundMe so everyone else can pay for her vacation instead. Just a reminder that Turtleboy also went to the DNC to protest a variety of injustices. But we paid our own way instead of begging our followers to chip in. Ya know, because we’re adults and all.
Anyway, Cynthia Ubaldo is the face of the “tolerance” crowd. She wants Americans to come together and respects people who think differently than she does:
She thinks a lot about what it would be like if Trump was assassinated:
She is EXTREMELY witty and hilarious with her meme game:
She wants Muslim women to remain peaceful in the face of all this fabricated Islamophobia:
Oh, and it’s totally not the first time something like this has happened:
What a coincidence that she just happened to be in the parking lot where this anti-Muslim attack occurred. What are the odds?
Anyway, in case you haven’t figure out yet, none of these hoaxes are real. And I mean NONE of them. Not one single incident has been documented with anything other than an unconfirmed anecdote. Every single one of these stories is either completely made up or a hoax perpetrated by anti-Trump dooshnozzles who can’t stomach the fact that he’s the next President. If you fell for any of them, you’re obviously not very smart. But that’s OK. This is why you read Turtleboy. Because someone has to open your eyes and show you the light.
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