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We’ve gotten so many requests from turtle riders to do re-runs of our greatest hits, so we decided to add a new category – This Day In Turtleboy. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits that happened on around this day in Turtleboy. 

Meet Lee-Marie Pastore from Everett:

As you can see, the savage life chose her, and thus she is a stripper at the Squire Lounge in the steaming pile of debauchery and traffic known as Revere. Her stripper names are Faith and Boston, and she recently made one of the most ratchet, racially confused videos of all time. It takes place in what appears to be the dressing room at work. And until now I didn’t realize you could have bare titties on Youtube. But since Turtleboy Sports is a family feminist blog, we will not be posting the FULL video, complete with two of the saggiest floppy jalopies you’ve ever seen. You can only find that version on Youtube. I’m not saying you can watch it by clicking here, but if you did click on that link, your ratchet quota for the day would be fully satisfied.

Anyway, we edited the video a little bit, so you can still see and hear this soursnatch kid in all her glory, without having to subject yourself to seeing her north shore flapjacks:

As you can see, she is celebrating her latest accomplishment:

“I just whooped your ass bitch.” 

Not sure who she’s referring to, but I think it’s safe to say that this fight began when both of these glorious creatures tried to take out the last copy of Crime and Punishment at the Revere Public Library.

Then she taunts her opponent some more:

“How’s your hair bitch? You gotta fuck mad n words to be where you need to be, bitch!!”

It’s true. We all can’t rags-to-riches success stories like Lee-Marie Pastore, who started off at Dunkin Donuts and grow up to be strippers at the Squire Club.

Some people can’t advance that far in life based solely on their merits, and thus they are forced to “fuck mad n words to be where they need to be.” The American dream is a myth

This was the mic drop:

“At the end of the day I’m a real ass bitch. I pop pussy. I sell drugs. I do what the fuck you can’t do my n word.”

Question – does this look like a fake ass bitch who DOESN’T pop pussy, sell drugs, or do what other competing ratchets can’t do?

Didn’t think so. That chick there pops pussy and sells drugs like it’s going out of style.

She even had one of her coworkers set her up with a softball question:

“I heard you fucked up four bitches?”

“Four bitches, not one. But four my n word.”

So obviously Lee-Marie Pastore has accomplished a lot in life. She’s also capable of magic:

“I don’t even have a dick bitch, and I just fucked your throat my n word.”

I didn’t even know that was possible, but I guess when you’re in Revere all bets are off.

Oh, and she cooks:

“I got that sauce, I got that marinara. Bitch just got fucked by a n word who don’t have a dick. She should’ve told you not to fuck with a real one m n word.”

Although I’m pretty sure you don’t want any sort of sauce that comes out of Lee-Marie Pastore’s meat wallet.

If you get a lap dance from her I’d highly recommend a quick run through the car wash afterwards. Just sayin.

Anyway, we hope to hear back from Lee-Marie when she inevitably reads our blog, and we’d love to have her on the Turtleboy Live show Friday night so she can regale us with more of her urban adventures!!