Turtleboy Investigates

This Slovakian Ali G Just So Happens To Look Exactly Like The Guy Who Stabbed 2 Random People In Everett, Killing 1 Of Them


Update: This is NOT the guy who stabbed the dude. He just has the misfortune of looking exactly like the stabber. We are keeping this up because the police have not announced this publicly, and this guy’s face was already being spread around the Internet, so this blog officially is letting the record know that it is NOT him.

The Everett Police are on the lookout for a guy who randomly stabbed a complete stranger this week, killing the 54 year old man in the process. Last week this same man stabbed another unsuspecting victim, who survived. This is the sketch they put out:

Must’ve used his go-go gadget knife.

Well as it turns out there is a guy in neighboring Malden who happens to look exactly like that sketch.

Boo-ya-ka-sha. His name is Peter Smatana, and he is either a crazy person who stabs innocent people and is still at large, or he has the misfortune of having one of the most identifiable faces in the history of police skethces. He’s self-employed, claims to have studied at Salem State, and is originally from Slovakia.

And quite frankly the fact that so many people have commented on his wall, and so many people are talking about this, but yet he hasn’t responded to anything or been like, “I don’t stab people,” isn’t helping his cause in the court of public opinion.

We will see what comes of this, until then be careful if you live in the Everett or Malden area.


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25 Comment(s)
  • Colt Fourty Five
    March 30, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    Someone needs to blow a hole in that asshole’s head.

  • whatevuh
    March 30, 2019 at 11:55 am

    If that’s not him, you better get ready for another lawsuit, what a stupid thing to do ! You are so fucking hard up for a scoop on any story !

    • Julie the Jarhead
      March 30, 2019 at 12:26 pm

      “We are keeping this up because the horses have already escaped from the barn, but we’ll feel better closing the barn door …”

      Fixed it for you.

    • Crispy C
      March 31, 2019 at 8:35 pm

      “BAG Men: Feds Seek This Duo Pictured at Boston Marathon”

  • Diversity Experiment Failure
    March 30, 2019 at 11:12 am

    At least Everett has stores where normal people can shop and normal restaurants. An enormous casino and supposedly a golf course. Malden couldn’t even get an Applebee’s to stay in the city

  • Ghetto Ted Bundy
    March 30, 2019 at 10:38 am

    With any luck the serial killer will stab those retards that stole the Red Sox banner and all their friends. Think of the savings to the taxpayers. TBS should do an update on those jerkoffs and their brilliant social media rants. They truly believe they’re celebrities and Amaral is one step closer to his gender reassignment surgery. At least that’s what I’m told

  • Crikey New t Many if Those Around These Parts
    March 30, 2019 at 10:33 am

    That Eastern European import is an endangered species in that section of the wild. I’m sure he’s federally protected. He could get a job sticking his head down drains looking for lost jewelry.

  • Escape from Malden Part 2
    March 30, 2019 at 10:28 am

    Malden might be the most overbuilt city near Boston. Brand new high rise buildings full of people from every other country that can’t drive worth a shit. Junkies,crackheads and illegal aliens make it a liberal paradise I don’t think Malden has a single store to buy anything other than a Walgreens and CVS every other block. Nothing boosts a local economy like welfare offices, a social security office and dollar stores. What a poorly run shithole

  • Independent Thinker
    March 30, 2019 at 9:37 am

    If he didn’t do it, he’s better off saying nothing. Just ask any good attorney. Keep your mouth shut. Stay off of social media, and KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid).

  • Jim Henson
    March 30, 2019 at 9:35 am

    That’s not a person that’s a muppet.

  • Sgt. Salami
    March 29, 2019 at 10:58 pm

    HOLY CRAP!!! He didn’t do it…..he is friends with Milica Tripkovic on facebook. I have started my travel plans to a beautiful little town called Novi Beograd….

  • Maldoomed
    March 29, 2019 at 10:44 pm

    Malden is like a bloated tick ready to pop. So overcrowded with assholes and the best the third world has to offer. Why is a city so close to Boston with property values the way they are so shitty?
    Probably because the majority vote for Dems

  • Big Wick
    March 29, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    Short, sweet, to the point… and DAY-UM, that there is the most accurate police sketch I’ve ever seen… but, hey, best not jump to conclusions, nudge nudge, wink wink.

  • meep
    March 29, 2019 at 9:39 pm

    Oh man he looks like j-rock! Ira!!

    • Cheeseburger Fuck
      March 29, 2019 at 11:18 pm

      “No’m sayin sayin?”

      • Travis Rearick
        I am the liquor
        March 30, 2019 at 8:07 am

        What are you from the department of no’m sayins??? Taking a no’m census?

  • Randall Guy
    March 29, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    I swear that isn’t me; when is the next train to Mexico.

  • Ali G
    March 29, 2019 at 8:17 pm

  • god
    March 29, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    Wow! The sketch artist did a great job. Hope this fucker rots for eternity in the pen

    • Buds
      March 29, 2019 at 10:30 pm

      I actually went to high school with him. I will send this along!

      • Buds
        March 29, 2019 at 10:31 pm

        I went to school with the sketch artist. Not the fucker. Lol

    March 29, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    Maldonian Maldoons are violent.
    Malden has been a third world shit hole for years. Is Malden even considered to be part of America anymore?

    • The Palace circa 1999
      March 31, 2019 at 2:14 am

      Diamong Girl is a classic, and The Palace was a the best in 90’s entertainment. Where else could you drag a girl from Maine out to the parking lot, and bang her in the back of her pick-up truck? Or have a single mother from Lynn bounce on you in the backseat of her Plymouth Neon next her sleeping children that she locked in the car so she could go drinking? Without The Palace I would never have known there was a trailer park in Peabody when I gave a ratchet a ride home in exchange for a blowie. Drunk chick your dancing with doesnt speak a word of English? No problem. She can stay at your place for a week until she escapes when your’re nice enough to go get her some rice and beans. Good times.

      • Bill Costa
        March 31, 2019 at 9:07 am

        Tha Palace or it’s other name The Officers Club was a North Shiore staple. Route 1 in Saugus had more ghetto attractions than a cocaine Disneyworld. The only remaining signs that this existed are Mixx 360 which used to be called the Town Line Lounge. They have retro bands like LA Guns and Brett Michaels and Expose and Bel Biv Devoe. That’s always a good time right?

    • Vito
      March 31, 2019 at 7:33 pm

      I used to flex to the girls when Diamond girl played in the late 80s. My gold chains and late model vette really turned the gumbas on. I was also real smooth singing the roof the roof the roof is on fire We dont give a fuck let the mother fuckerburn burn motherfucker burn.

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