Great News: No One Got Shot Today At Everett High School, And Angelo Carbone Is Suing Us For Millions For Talking About His Facebook Post
Great news everyone – no one got shot at Everett High School, or any other high schools in Massachusetts…
ALL CAPS Co-Parent Announces He’s Not Sending His Crotch Fruit To Everett High School Because Someone Shitposted About School Shooting On Bathroom Door
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No Justice: Charges Dismissed For Somerville’s MC NoShowerz Accused Of Beating 13 Week Puppy So Badly It Nearly Lost A Leg
The courts have failed to bring yet another alleged animal abuser to justice, as charges have been dismissed against this…
Juicy Jasiel Correia Was Blowing Cash On $50 Blackjack Hands At Encore Casino This Weekend And His Smashpiece Girlfriend Wasn’t Happy About Being Seen
Encore Casino opened in Everett this week and it looks like Everett’s meatball mayor Sweatuccine Alfredo wasn’t the only…
Everett Mayor Sweatuccine Alfredo Smears Two Businesses On Facebook For Towing Cars During Graduation Because He Was Too Dumb To Figure Out A Parking Plan
This is Carlo DeMaria. After giving up the dream of becoming an extra who pisses off Tony Soprano and…
This Slovakian Ali G Just So Happens To Look Exactly Like The Guy Who Stabbed 2 Random People In Everett, Killing 1 Of Them
Update: This is NOT the guy who stabbed the dude. He just has the misfortune of looking exactly like…
Everett Cabbage Snatch Skids Won’t Let Cops Do Wellness Check For Traumatized 4 Year Old, Cop Ain’t Having It, Hoodrat Blair Witch Cop Block Tryout Video Ensues
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Gutless Malden High School Principal Chris Mastrangelo Cancels Football Game Against Everett Because Kids Might Get Boo-Boos Against Better Team, But Everett Never Forfeits Soccer Even Though They Can’t Beat Malden
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Hummus Hardo Accurate Collision Owner Adam Haddad Scams Customers And Insurance Companies, Threatened And Assaulted Insurance Appraisers, Doesn’t Pay Taxes, While Living In Shrewsbury Mansion
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Peabody Pube Rag Beats Girlfriend’s 10 Pound Dog To Death And Somehow Gets Released On $150 Bail
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Everett Oxygoblin Steals Donation Bin From Malden Burger King Parking Lot Intended To Support Local Schools, Forgets That It Won’t Fit In His Car, Drives Off With It Anyway
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Hoodrat Protesters Film Their Assault On Police And Laugh About Killing White People Like Nat Turner Because They Think They’re Woke AF But Are The Real Racists Here
These are just some more of the protesters from Saturday. Proud? Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected]…
This Revere Stripper From Everett Just Made The Most Ratchet, Racially Confused Video Of All Time Where She Brags About Selling Drugs, Whoopin Ass, And “Pussy Poppin”
This Revere Stripper From Everett Just Made The Most Ratchet, Racially Confused Video Of All Time Where She Brags About…
Another Rodent Rumpus At Chuck E. Cheese In Everett, 10 Shots Allegedly Fired After Skirmish
As Uncle Turtleboy so poignantly declared in his last Chuck E. Cheese write up in February, “I’d Rather Bring Turtleboy…
High School Team Dominates Opposing Teams And Parents Run And Cry Because Generation Of Wusses
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Tour de Turtle Bone Ride: Cambridge, Somerville, Medford, Malden, Everett, Chelsea, Revere, Winthrop
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