All-Star Criminals

North Shore Penis Pinata Uses Crotch Fruits To Steal Items From Strangers She Meets On Facebook Yard Sale Pages Despite Not Having License Due To Hit And Run And Tons Of Evictions


This is Michelle Bedard from Everett, Salem, Peabody, and pretty much every town in the north shore with a high concentration of affordable housing and ratchets.



She’s a local spunk receptacle who has unfortunately fired out several snatch rockets who are technically her children, and who she now uses as accomplices to steal packages from victims they target on Facebook yard sale pages.

A number of people from across the north shore have come forward with similar stories – Jizznado messages victims to buy something, says she’ll leave money at their house, and then sends one of her semen demons to grab the package and run. It’s happened a number of times and there is video.

Of course when confronted about it she swore she left the money.

But when you watch the video you can see a kid running away and jumping into a car filled with ratchets who are laughing about their latest haul. Based upon her Facebook pictures it looks like the oldest can’t be much bigger than 12 or 13.

Then again, committing crimes while driving around with a car full of crotch fruits is pretty standard behavior for Jizznado. Although at least now she’s not plowing into people and leaving the scene of a crime.

With her three children in the backseat, a 30-year-old Everett woman was arrested for a hit-and-run at Bishop Allen Drive and Norfolk Street after allegedly striking a pedestrian and driving off, according to police. Michelle Bedard, of Everett, was arrested June 26 on the charges of driving with a suspended license and fleeing the scene of personal injury.

According to police, around 8:50 p.m., several witnesses saw Bedard strike a pedestrian with her car and drive away. When questioned, Bedard said she had just got off the phone with 911, but her phone history reportedly showed no call had been made. Bedard later told police the man had walked into her car and had booze on him. She told police he was walking on the passenger side of her car and tumbled over her hood. Police did not observe any damage to the passenger side, but found two large dents on the driver side and that the windshield had shattered on the lower driver side. The car was also missing its driver side rear hubcap. After looking at Bedard’s registration, it was found her license had been revoked and was non-renewable. A family member took Bedard’s children into custody before her arrest.

Good thing four years later she’s still driving around and appears to have enough custody of her children that she can train them to be accomplices in crime sprees.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody she’s also been evicted a million times and has a whole bunch of judgments against her because she doesn’t show up for court and has no plans to pay any of the judgments anyway, because you can do that in Massachusetts.

Sources tell us that she also has a tendency to pretend to be in the hospital during some of her benders, in which she leaves the out of control poon polyps at home to cause trouble on their own.

Guys, I’m beginning to think that this woman might not actually be enrolled at Harvard Medical School.

The moral of the story here is that this penis pinata has ruined her own children’s lives already, predestined them towards a career in ratchetry, harmed countless individuals, and should be locked up because she is a menace to society. If you see her in any yard sale groups you should immediately warn others, because skanks like this don’t change their stripes.


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35 Comment(s)
  • Uncle Peckerhead
    December 29, 2020 at 5:09 pm

    What a fucking meat whistle!

    • @@@
      July 15, 2021 at 7:08 pm


  • Get em while their young
    December 29, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    Its about time those kids are pulling their own weight. She didn’t have kids to take care of she had them to build her junkie empire. Those kids don’t know the alphabet but they know resale values. They can only count in increments of $40 just like mom.

  • New North Face down jacket it still has tag $45.
    December 29, 2020 at 7:00 am

    Michelle Bedard I’m leaving the North Face down jacket in the middle of the Welcome-mat stretched over a 8 foot pit filled sharp spikes.

    • Joe's Leg Hair
      December 29, 2020 at 10:57 am

      Michelle. There’s a free pile of Northface jackets with cash and Fentenyl stuffed in the pockets, outside on the stairs. Pay no attention to the harmless chrome lined piece of pipe cunt level

  • Said Nobody
    December 29, 2020 at 1:16 am

    She’s a peach

  • Can't Jemima
    December 28, 2020 at 8:28 pm

    “But when you watch the video you can see a kid running away and jumping into a car filled with ratchets who are laughing about their latest haul.”

    Hahahaha, great stuff TB!

  • Lauren Pespisa
    December 28, 2020 at 6:57 pm

    coal burning fat dirty cunt

  • Jack Mehoff
    Jack Mehoff
    December 28, 2020 at 5:38 pm

    Is it my imagination or is this douchebag putting on 40 lbs per year? No need to worry because she will probably explode or die of a heart attack any day.

  • Oogabooga
    December 28, 2020 at 4:17 pm

    TB….lets hear the lowdown on the aspiring rappers shootout while filming the latest ooga booga video in lynn. Hopefully theres live video of one catching full metal jacket.

    • Goosey
      December 28, 2020 at 5:24 pm

      Shut yo muthafckin mouff bitch

    • I got the scoop on the Lynn shooting
      December 28, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      I know this is going to difficult for someone of you to believe, but I have it on good account they were arguing over who had the better college dissertation, square biz.

  • randiguy2006
    Rayla Campbell
    December 28, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    White people SUCK at crime.

  • BucketNutz
    Resembles Amy Schumer
    December 28, 2020 at 1:40 pm

    On a good day.

  • Richard Ramirez
    December 28, 2020 at 1:22 pm

    The poster girl for brown eye fisting.

  • Harry Balz
    December 28, 2020 at 1:13 pm

    There once was a tramp named Michelle
    Whose life was going to hell,
    To give her kids a chance
    She had them steal sweatpants
    They’re now wearing them in their jail call

    • Art Flaherty
      So close...
      December 28, 2020 at 1:25 pm

      Typo on the last word, makes it funnier!

  • Ted Bundys VW
    December 28, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    I like her choice of arm slings.

  • Go Chicago Boons Go
    December 28, 2020 at 12:32 pm

    Twenty-seven primates were shot, seven fatally, over another violent weekend in Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s (D) Chicago.

    ABC 7 / Chicago Sun-Times reports the first fatality occurred Christmas Day at 2:30 p.m., when a 57-year-old APE was shot multiple times “in Grand Crossing.” He was taken to a hospital where he THANKFULLY died.
    The weekend’s second fatality came at around 8:35 p.m. Christmas Day when a CHIMP was pronounced dead after being found lying “in the 900-block of East 82nd Street” with a gunshot wound.

    The third fatality occurred less than an hour later–at 9:20 p.m.–when a 20-year-old GORILLA in “the 3300-block of West 52nd Street” was shot multiple times and THANKFULLY killed.

    A robbery FILTHY APE suspect was shot and killed Saturday night in a cellphone store “in the 3200-block of West Chicago Avenue.” Breitbart News noted the suspect was shot by white racist HERO, a 29-year-old concealed carry permit holder. The suspect was transported to a hospital where he THANKFULLY died.
    At 10 p.m. Saturday night another fatality was discovered when a violent felon CHIMP with a gunshot wound was found in an alley in Englewood.

    A 24-year-old female CHIMPANZEE was shot about 3:35 a.m. while sitting in a car giving $5 blowjobs Sunday “in the 8300-block of South Paxton Avenue.” She was taken to a hospital and THANKFULLY pronounced dead.

    A male APE thought to be 17 to 20-years-old was shot and THANKFULLY killed about 9 a.m. Sunday while “AIMLESSLY SMOCKING CRACK and standing in the 5500-block of South Archer Avenue.”

    The weekend violence came days after the Chicago Tribune released data showing some 4,049 primates were shot across the city January 1, 2020, through December 22, 2020. The disturbing statistic is slightly less than 800 were killed which makes for an abysmal kill ratio.
    Lori Lightfoot was pleased with the results and said defund the police

    • Calm WhiteDad
      December 28, 2020 at 2:46 pm

      Good update as always. Nice to see the boons are getting more accurate. Too bad there isn’t a bonus box of ammunition for them in the new Marxism Stimulus Package.

      • Fat Air Force MSgt
        January 4, 2021 at 10:36 pm

        You’re a dirtbag. Not funny and your shiddy passive writing blows. I bet youre a former POG ass FOBBIT that tells war stories and never left the FOB. POG ass POG.

    • John Wypyszinski
      Primate Research Inc.
      December 29, 2020 at 7:34 am

      Kill ratio is piss poor because they haven’t figured out how to properly aim at their target. Those things on top of the piece aren’t decorations, stupid chimps. Holding a weapon all gangsta style might look cool, but it guarantees shit marksmanship, dumbass. Learn how to shoot better, you’ll save money… mo’ money’s good.

  • BucketNutz
    Porch Piracy by Appointment
    December 28, 2020 at 12:19 pm

    Why would you trust anyone (a) on Fakebook & (b) in urban areas? No offense but the sellers deserve it in a perverse, cynical way.
    Also, this ain’t like backwoods Maine/NH, where it’s a 10 minute hike to most front doors.

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    December 28, 2020 at 12:15 pm

    Your life must be really shitty if you’re involved in either the buying or selling of used sweatpants on FB marketplace.

    • The Battle Of Aéropostale
      December 28, 2020 at 12:36 pm

      how dare you

    • Even better
      December 28, 2020 at 7:24 pm

      when your mother lets the world know that you’re only selling the old ones so that you can afford the new ones. what, they $600 sweatpants?!?

    • Guinea Geisha
      December 28, 2020 at 9:48 pm

      I know, right? I’m genuinely curious about the chain of events that would have to transpire in a person’s life in order for them to willingly find themselves in someone else’s sweatpants. On second thought… maybe I’d rather not know.

  • BucketNutz
    Step it up, TB
    December 28, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    Lots of low hanging fruit out there, including:
    – The Worcester brick-throwing punks
    – The fake “hate” crime stabbing & requisite Go Fund Me in Southie.

    Let’s go kid. Vacation is over, time to get back to work

  • Ray Patriarcas Consigliere
    December 28, 2020 at 12:08 pm

    The Boss asked for me to pass this along.

    “What a cunt!”

    • Ray Patriarca
      Ray Patriarca
      December 28, 2020 at 1:01 pm

      Thank you !!

      • Ray Patriarcas Consigliere
        December 28, 2020 at 1:48 pm

        Hope you had a Merry Christmas Boss. Wishing you a Happy New Year
        Atwells style!

  • Idgaf
    December 28, 2020 at 11:49 am

    Burn her and run

  • Who was the 5th landlord who had to evict her? Ever heard of a background check?
    December 28, 2020 at 11:38 am

    Goodness gracious, what a train wreck. Hopefully someone in that family is stepping up and trying to be the adult support those kids need to end up as halfway decent adults themselves someday.

    • North of the Border
      December 28, 2020 at 4:12 pm

      Which is why the lefties want to make little things like credit and background checks for renting property illegal.

  • Hulk
    December 28, 2020 at 11:30 am


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