All-Star Criminals

Everett Oxygoblin Steals Donation Bin From Malden Burger King Parking Lot Intended To Support Local Schools, Forgets That It Won’t Fit In His Car, Drives Off With It Anyway

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Move over Muffbuffer – you’ve got competition for most Malden’s most ratchet…..

And the best part is he did it in broad daylight while parked in a handicapped spot. Although his plan seemed to backfire when he couldn’t close the door because donation bins full of clothing don’t bend:

But it sure didn’t stop him from making a clean getaway with the door wide open like a beat up pair tuna flaps:

There’s crackheads, and then there are people who do steal charity donation bins. Then again crusty oxygoblin might as well have “You got OC’s?” tattooed on his forehead.

Here’s my question – if you’re gonna steal a large object full of shit that doesn’t bend when you put it in your car, why not just steal an ATM? Da fuq are you gonna do with a bunch of Malden hand-me-downs? Pawn Turtlboy Jr’s soiled onesies for crack money? Gonna take a long time to get high on whatever you find in that bin dude.

Then again he lives in Everett. Chances are he grew up wearing Malden hand-me-downs anyway. Probably just reliving his youth.

Of course the oxygoblin has his fair share of Google trophies, all of which seem to involve him violating court orders:

So it’s not really beneath him to steal a charity donation bin while parked in a Burger King handicapped spot.

3 Comment(s)
  • Citypoint
    June 26, 2018 at 6:20 pm

    Why not open the back hatch,put the seats down and stuff it in the back?
    I know doing drugs is not conducive to rational thought but c’mon,the whole square peg round hole theory applies.

  • Lee Kingsnatch
    June 26, 2018 at 4:34 pm

    Theres still wypipo that live in everett?

  • Mike Hunt
    June 26, 2018 at 3:58 pm

    roll tide

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