Top 10 Hampton Beach Turtleboy Hate Comments

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Hampton Beach is a dump. Everyone knows that. It’s where Lawrence and Haverhill’s finest go to show off their new tattoos and drive around in a never ending circle of traffic. But you just KNEW that the Hampton defenders would come out of the woodworks after we wrote our blog on Hampton Beach the other day. There was a shit ton of blowback in the comments section, which more often than not are more entertaining than the blogs themselves. And a Hampton Beach blowback is quite the site to see. On that note, here are the Top 10 Hampton Beach Turtleboy Hate Comments….

10. You sound like a cunt just writing this article.

I don’t know who this person is, but he or she is so Hampton Beach it hurts. I guarantee this person has been in an almost-fight over a parking spot many times before. Because no trip to Hampton Beach is complete until you see some of New England’s finest white trash argue over a parking spot.


9. Did you even go to the beach? I didn’t see any picture of that. I’m pretty sure it was rated in the top 10 cleanest beaches in America. Why didn’t you just stay home. It seems to me that just like any other media outlet with an small minded opinion, you only presented the facts that supported your perception, not the whole truth.

Yea, Hampton Beach is definitely one of the top 10 cleanest beach in America. Definitely. It was even on this random slideshow I saw on the Internet one time. Because when I see images like this


the first thing I think is “clean.”


8. Wow….u just sound like an uptight judgmental doosh that can’t have fun anywhere without acting like gorden Ramsey…maybe u should have just stayed home so your wife could have had a better time without having to walk around with her wet blanket the entire time.

Oh Turtleboy can definitely have fun, but is has to be at fun places. Sure I could pretend that wading through a sea of Jerry Springer rejects and navigating my car through a maze of souped up minivans is a good time, but people read TBS for the honesty. Oh, and believe me, there is nothing more I wanted to do that day than stay home.




7. Who ever wrote this article is a clown. Taking pictures of people with tattoos really buddy your a joke. I could only imagine what you look like haha!!!!

There has never been a picture taken at Hampton Beach in the history of photography, that has not captured at least one person covered in tattoos. It’s literally impossible.


6. I stopped reading as soon as I saw your Grammar— Her and I?? Speak correctly and then you can bash Hampton Beach. I go there 3X a year and more if I could. Free concerts, sand sculptures etc.. Please get a real life. Mr Blogge

Hampton Beach puts up with a lot of crap. Fights, ludeness, never ending noise pullution from the Hampton’s Angels, back alley abortions, etc. But if there’s one thing Hampton Beach doesn’t tolerate, it’s poor grammar!!


5. Well I am Grannie, have a grandchild and have a tattoo. I have been coming to Hampton since I was about 9 years old. I would not pass up one memory I have had and continue to go year after year. I did not read a single word about the beach only the people,to be fair I did not read more then a couple paragraphs because I know way more about it then you already. I dislike your article very much.

This is the most honest and mature smackdown Turtleboy has ever received. She clicked on the blog hoping to get a little nostalgic with tales of salt water taffy and romantic walks on the boardwalk. But instead she found nothing but Hampton Beach debauchery. I honestly feel like I let this poor woman down. Well, at least some of the dudes at Hampton are still wearing the same bathing suits that they did back in the 40’s.


4. Bunch of pussies, don’t like it don’t go…I’m pretty sure thiers a white oppressed beach where the weather is a perfect 80 degrees and doesn’t change also every man looks like a old 80s film petofile and the women look like there miserable and would take you behind the dumpster for 5 bucks…lmao I never have any of these problems wen I go maybe yoi went on bad day considering it was over 90 degrees and knowing your shit of a wife forces you to go or you’d be in the dog house and your life is so miserable that all yoi can do is socially destroy everyone else descion that has lead with them all goin to the beach at the same time which I’m sure if I went to 10 different beaches I could 90% of the things you mentioned

This is the most glorious Hampton Beach thing I have ever read.

3. The guy the wrote this article is a worthless piece of shit. Go back to taxachusettes where the roads suck, bridges are falling, people can’t drive

Believe me, when I go to Hampton Beach the entire time all I can think about is going back to Massachusetts. Unfortunately when you go to leave this is what you see:


Now you’s can’t leave.


2. Best memory of Hampton Beach was going out there with some friends when we were 18 or so. Brought a handle of capt morgans and a 2 liter of warm coke. Saw my friend dig a hole in the sand right next to his towel. He then proceeded to flip over on his belly, piss into the hole, and then flip back over on his towel to drink more piss warm swill. We then cat called a bunch of fat pink tattooed hotties on the strip. Had some Burger King, then drove home, while making a pit stop to diarrhea in the woods and wipe with an old sock found in the back of the car. Ahhhh the memories.

Everyone who has ever gone to Hampton Beach before turning 21 can related to this story.

1. To the 7-11 of journalism – Sorry about your small penis, Turtle Boy! How many tennis players did you have to take in the ass to earn that sweet name? Next time you come to the “Wal-Mart of beaches ask your Mon for some cash so you can park your Pinto and finger bang your certainly miserable wife. While your on your way to purchase your “I’m with stupid” tee-shirt, help yourself to one of the many syringes covering the landscape and jab it in your fucking eye.

Ummmm, let me see. I believe the answer is 14. I had to take it in the ass from 14 tennis players to earn the name Turtleboy. You know, because of the small penis and all. I have no idea who this guy is, but I guarantee he’s just mad at Turtleboy because he met his 4th wife at Hampton Beach.


Never change Hampton. Never change.

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12 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    July 27, 2015 at 1:12 am

    Was #1 written by someone from Hampton, or Buffalo?

  • Wheelwright
    July 24, 2015 at 5:06 am

    Funny replies! Some shit on you about your grammar. They need a copy of Strunk and White and all need a spell checker.

    Hampton Beach is actually taken seriously? That’s the funniest thing of all!

  • oneopinion
    July 23, 2015 at 9:14 pm

    Hilarious. The sand in the haters vagina just turned into a pearl.

  • Evezter
    July 23, 2015 at 8:14 pm


  • Just Stating the Obvious
    July 23, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    So, to recap, nothing but white trash flocking to Hampton Beach. Only Jerry Springer rejects see the Hampton Beach charm. And, in case you missed the first installation, it’s Mrs. Turtleboy’s most favorite place in the whole world. That’s all you need to know. BOOM!

  • fireball
    July 23, 2015 at 5:06 pm

    I don’t know how a beach sometimes referred to as the world’s largest ashtray can be considered one of the top 10 cleanest beaches. Although it is one step up from Salisbury.

  • COB
    July 23, 2015 at 1:18 pm

    I tongue-punched some chick’s fart box in a Hampton Beach alley back in the mid-’90s. When I went to the McDonald’s bathroom to clean up, I realized the joke was on me. I had a chocolate goatee like you wouldn’t fuckin’ believe! 🙁

  • PettyPullsPuddy
    July 23, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    I remember going there in my late teens early 20s for a cheap easy piece of ass. Then I got married and had kids. 🙁

  • Frogshit
    July 23, 2015 at 12:15 pm

    HEY!!! You keep writin’ bad shit about Hampton and I’ll never read your shitty blog again! Plus I’ll sue you!!!!
    BTW… #4 is fucking priceless!

    • Frogshit
      July 23, 2015 at 12:16 pm

      Headed up for a week next Friday!

      • Frogshit
        July 23, 2015 at 12:16 pm

        I’ll send photos!

  • Erica
    July 23, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Hampton beach is for hippies. Turtleboy is wonderful.

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