Top 10 Hate Comments From The TBS Chatham Shark Blog

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We’ve written blogs before that have been somewhat controversial, but we’ve NEVER seen anything that approached the backlash we received for our satirical blog about the shark that was stranded on a Chatham beach yesterday. Basically our take is that natural selection had chosen this shark for death. Clearly it is not smart enough to stay in the water, and the human beings who put it back into the water were fucking with nature. When you go on a safari and you see a lion eating a warthog you don’t save the warthog. Because that warthog was not put on earth to live for very long. Just as this shark was clearly supposed to die. Haven’t you people seen Final Destination?


Just for the record, obviously we would not have let the shark die. Obviously. We just thought the whole thing was kind of funny. A shark that got close enough to land to go sun bathing was put back into water where there are children playing. We apologize if dead shark jokes crossed the moral indignation line.


Look, the point of Turtleboy Sports is satire. The blog started off by saying that the cameraman should be fed to the sharks. Obviously we do not really believe that. Because it’s a joke. But for whatever reason people were FIRED UP about this blog like we’ve never seen before. On that note, here are the Top 10 Best Comments About The TBS Shark Blog. (P.S. If your comment appears on this blog, don’t worry, we can still be friends.)

10. Sharks go to Chatham to eat seals, seals are protected and there are a lot of them. Sharks don’t go after humans, they go after things in the water splashing around that could be a meal. They usually take a bite of a human and keep on moving, must not really like the taste.

Oh, well since they’re only taking a little chomp out of human beings, no big deal right? I mean, it’s just a shark bite. 

9If the shark is meant to die it will..in the meantime we can’t go around killing them…they are too important to our ecosystem….keep saving them….

Yea, no shark can ever die. Ever. Because of the ecosystem. If this shark died, or ANY shark for that matter, the oceans would cease to exist and the world would end. Here’s a question for ya – what if this shark washed ashore at night, died, and then was found in the morning? Would the world end because one particular shark died?

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8. The ocean is his home!!! How about someone come to your house and just kill you?!! Use your brain!! They are dangerous but you are taking that risk going into THEIR HOME

TBS agrees – the ocean is their home. That’s why he should’ve stayed in the ocean. When we go into the ocean and get bit by a shark, we can’t blame them. Because like you said, it is their home. But the land is our home. And when you come on the land, don’t expect us to bail your dumb ass out. 

7. Tb, your hiding behind a blog refusing to say a name, and your going to trash talk a shark??? Did a dumb turtle relative get eaten lately? This is a disgusting low for you. Might be time to throw out the TB shirt i bought

This stuff again? The ol “you’re hiding behind a blog” routine? Come on people, that’s a hippie move. Be better than the hippies. We’ve written thousands of blogs. If you don’t like this one, just read another one. You can throw out the shirt if you so please, but more than likely you’ll end up regretting that one. 


6. Ignorance is bliss tb….Im gonna to unfollow you if you continue to put these kinds of posts because its becoming clear to me that I really dont like your point of view on too many things.You have a very skewed and shallow stance on many things and it bothers me

Ahhh yes, the old “I’m gonna unfollow you unless you write blogs that I approve of ” shpeel. We’ll tell you the same things we’ve told countless people before you – you’re not going anywhere. You know that, we know that, everyone knows that. Because if you do, then what are you going to do to fill that void in your day? Read the Telegram? LOL. We all know that you’ll be back riding the turtle the moment you need a hot take on the Big E or the Brockton Fair. Because at the end of the day, you’re here because you wanna watch the world burn. 

5. Ha. Yeah, Turtleboy, when your kid drowns or gets hit by a car I’m gonna remind you of the fact that he was clearly too dumb to swim or dodge cars. Moron.

He seems nice. Because as you all know, a human life has the same value as a gigantic man eating fish. 

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4. Yes! Sharks belong in the ocean. It’s a living creature, just like you. If you were dying, I’m sure you would want someone to help you. Nobody says you have to swim in the ocean. You take the risk every time you leave the beach.

If I were drowning in the ocean, or being pulled out to see by the currents, you know who wouldn’t help me? A shark. 

3. I don’t agree. It’s an animal and has more right to be there than us. It was here before us..

So sharks have a right to the ocean because they were there first? Let me know when you’ll be packing up and moving back the country your ancestors came from. After all, Native Americans were on this land first. They have more right to it than us. 


2Honestly what the fuck is wrong with you people???!!!! So you see a defenseless creature be it a damn shark gasping for air to breathe so you just stand there watch it die! Assholes!!!! I will make sure to stand over each everyone of your beds as you gasp to breath….fucking douches!!! Do you think a shark knows the difference between a fish and you….I don’t think so. You all probably purposely hit animals that cross the street too!!!

That seems like a reasonable response to a satirical blog written by a boy on a turtle. But no, none of us hit animals as they cross the street purposely. I’ve hit them accidentally before. And guess what? The ones I’ve hit obviously were too dumb to survive. That’s how Darwinism works. No one thinks we should go around trying to hunt sharks to extinction. But the dumb ones who can’t figure out how to stay off the beach? That’s on them.

1. thats why 65% of the people voted to put it back in the ocean, thats what a real perswon would do….unlike you, you gutless piece of shit that hides behind a turtle. you south high nutless piece of shit . you are a total cocksucking phedophile. and a total coward. the kind of guy who backs up chuck lidell in a bar fight but the first time an animal is in trouble he runs like a bitch. im calling your bitch ass out “turtlebitch”. what a terrible thing to say!!!

So much fantastic hate packed into one beautiful English rant. Look pal, if you wanna fight one of us you’re gonna have to call up our secretary and get penciled in just like the rest of you. Whitco is only open for so many hours, and our schedule is pretty full. We’ll try to fit you in sometime if there’s a cancellation. 

We just thought all this shark love was hilarious. When bears and coyotes start showing up on Main Street in Rutland, is everyone just gonna be COOL with this?  Yes, sharks have been here for thousands and thousands of years, but so have mosquitos? Should we stop killing them too? And where’s all the love for the seals? Because that shark has probably killed a few adorably cute and delicious seals since it’s been saved.

And like we said, at the end of the day, we obviously would’ve helped save the shark. We just thought the concept of tossing a dangerous animal, that obviously comes dangerously close to the shore, back into the water where kids are playing, was kind of funny. But apparently sharks have joined the list of things that the PC police has not approved for satire.

The good news is that this proves once and for all that the critics who say that you people blindly agree with everything Turtleboy writes, were dead wrong. When you don’t agree with TBS you call us out for it. And we love you for that because it keeps us on our toes. And quite frankly, sometimes TBS hate is more fun than TBS love.

P.S. Guess who said it bonus comment – I would have taken a “shark selfie” and buried my knife in its skull…..

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45 Comment(s)
  • IsWhatItIs
    July 19, 2015 at 10:59 pm

    I just got around to catching up on my TB reading and glad I did……best laugh I’ve had in a while….loved your reply to commenter 1. Still laughing…. #sharklivesmatter

  • Confused?
    July 16, 2015 at 1:31 pm

    I have never in my life seen more concern for an animal over a human being in my life, I read TB everyday, and the level of hatred sent his way over a shark is absurd. I am all for a saving a species but lets worry about saving ours, humans. I guarantee the same people concerned about the sharks welfare are the same people throwing their beer cans and chip bags into their habitat! CHEERS to that!

  • Frogshit
    July 16, 2015 at 6:53 am

    Comments one and two were indeed winners! You gotta’ keep diggin’ in to these people though TB… It gives me somethin’ to do!

  • coffeemate
    July 16, 2015 at 4:46 am

    Tb is right. I forget what it was, but something was written where I wasn’t impressed and hung up the tb towel. I was back! I didn’t stay away for long. I got back on the turtle and started riding again!

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    July 15, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    I love all sharks, but particularly blue sharks, they are quite tasty on the grill!

    • Finnish Goalie
      July 15, 2015 at 3:53 pm

      Give Hákarl a try, if you feel brave.

      • Devils Mouthpiece
        July 15, 2015 at 8:48 pm

        I hear that shits pretty nasty. I know someone that went to Iceland and tried it. Took days to get rid of the taste. No thanks!

  • WormtownorBust
    July 15, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    Poor shark probably just wanted a hug.

    Seriously. I love sharks. I got the joke. Lighten up dooshnozzles.

  • GoneWest
    July 15, 2015 at 1:33 pm

    How long would these people wait before getting back in the water after saving them? If you’re not willing to dive right in then shut the fuck up

    • WormtownorBust
      July 15, 2015 at 1:39 pm

      I love watching the guys with the buckets throwing water on it, the won’t get within 5 feet. Like it’s going to suddenly find a way to stop floundering in the sand and bite their legs off.

    • Finnish Goalie
      July 15, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      When a bear is released after injury, should the naturalists and game wardens go for a stroll?

      • GoneWest
        July 15, 2015 at 6:33 pm

        If they were there for recreation, such as hiking, then yes.

  • Finnish Goalie
    July 15, 2015 at 1:09 pm

    • WTF..Worcester
      July 16, 2015 at 11:43 am

      The sharks that attacked the Indianapolis were Oceanic Black/White tipped sharks, not Great Whites. Good example though, best monolgue ever.

      • Finnish Goalie
        July 16, 2015 at 2:52 pm

        True. Oceanic Whitetips are probably one of if not the most dangerous species as they live in open ocean and won’t pass up anything edible that comes their way.

        • WTF...Worcester
          July 16, 2015 at 3:05 pm

          They are also pack hunters. Great White sharks are solitary, where Whitetips swarm in groups on their prey, often accidently eating each other in a frenzy. Great Whites have the scare factor, but Oceanic Whitetips are listed as the most deadly, since the Indianopolis has them listed as the killer.

  • Jill
    July 15, 2015 at 1:03 pm

    I like “trainable” creatures. Husbands, cats, dogs, maybe a bunny. I don’t like shit that scurries, flies or lurks in water. Sorry, but you wouldn’t have caught me within eyesight of that fucken thing. I would probably had made a phone call and let a PROFESSIONAL determine what the fuck happens next, but HELL NO am I trying to save a goddamn fucken shark! I also step on ants, kill bee’s cause they sting, set out mouse traps if I think I hear one, would shoot a bear if it were in my yard being a dinkus (and yes, I had one in my yard, but he wasn’t fucken with us). But I love my Boxers and my two cats and I even enjoy my husbands company…

    • Finnish Goalie
      July 15, 2015 at 1:10 pm

      C’mon now, honey bees?

      • Jill
        July 15, 2015 at 1:11 pm

        No-just the stinging ones. Please, I’m not a savage, just kind of a pussy with things like that ! 🙂

    • GoneWest
      July 15, 2015 at 2:15 pm

      Aaron Gouveia and the Daddy Files will have a problem with what you said about training husbands.

      • Jill
        July 15, 2015 at 2:32 pm

        So perhaps I should rephrase that to “my husband and I cross train one another”. I still kills bugs though

    • BobnMic
      July 15, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      I’m on board with you Jill. I was a trainable husband. Not a good one at first because I was kinda like a COB at first. No offense to COB but my tongue almost fell off because so many many fart box punches. The fucking neighbors could hear them back in the day. It sounded like a “Goosh and then a hehehehe” kinda thing.

      Actually still in constant training however. So many mistakes and so little time. But I stay true to my love and drink lots of water before massive massive beer consumption as instructed. Or directed. Or just plain yelled at. Many may think that that is being a pussy at unimaginable levels but I call it making it work. That’s just me. Thank you.

      • Jill
        July 15, 2015 at 7:03 pm

        This is all you get for a reply because I’m on the floor laughing. Amazing response. No words. Awesome

      • Jill
        July 15, 2015 at 7:04 pm

        My favorite word picked up from TBS is fartbox. And I’m supposedly a classy chick. I love not being classy on this blog.

        • BobnMic
          July 15, 2015 at 7:48 pm

          OMG COB this is your turn. Seriously though Jill thank you.

          • Jill
            July 15, 2015 at 8:06 pm

            I can’t even stand the fun. I wanna buy you all a beer. Does aunt Dots serve beer?

        • BobnMic
          July 15, 2015 at 9:58 pm

          Now MAYBE stupidly enough I actually like Auntie Dot’s Pizza. Especially those big huge bad boys. I don’t know what the problem is over there but those party pizzas do not suck.

          And Jill you ARE a classy chick but put a lock on that fart box. A crazed blogger may invade said box. But don’t worry I will put on my cape and fly to your rescue. And then all will be well. End of story.

  • Maggie the Cat
    July 15, 2015 at 12:23 pm

    The shark was tagged before it was released. I wonder how the “shark-savers” would feel if that shark takes someone’s life in the future., if that death is traced to this shark.

    • BobnMic
      July 15, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Maggie I was thinking the exact same thing. Think of the liability to the town not to mention the potential of serious injury or loss of life from this predator. These are no good rotten creatures and if you were in a boat that sunk out to sea would they leave you alone? Fuck no they would eat your ass. Sharks suck.

      They don’t even taste good. I found a restaurant down in Florida years ago that served some sort of shark so I thought – hey what the hell I’ll try it. They love to eat us so why not return the favor. I LOVE seafood but this was not really all that good. And I don’t think it was the restaurant’s fault. The meat was tough an no where near like an awesome Maine lobster.

      • Devils Mouthpiece
        July 15, 2015 at 8:35 pm

        BonnMic – they must have served you some shit meat. Blue shark is good eats, enough that I fish for them. Most sharks piss through their skin and taste like crap, but not blues. If they are not prepped correctly after the catch they can taste like crap too. Kinda like an unkept fartbox…. They have to be prepped right before serving too, or they taste, like,,,,

        • BobnMic
          July 15, 2015 at 10:36 pm

          I would love to see fartbox on a menu. Definitely would have to get the wife’s permission however to order said fartbox or that could be a problem.

          Without consent that could create an incident. And a very confused waitress. Not knowing what to do with said readily available fartbox would be disturbing I would imagine.

          • BobnMic
            July 15, 2015 at 10:53 pm

            I can’t remember what kind of shark that was Devil. But I’ve had grouper fish down there as well and that was just ok. I think I’m just spoiled with the quality of fish what we get up here.

            Nothing like a strong Margarita by the beach down there however with some beach fries and you can say fuck the fish.

            And then before you know it, you are speaking fluent Spanish. Or so we think. It could be fluent slurrrrrrrr.

          • Devils Mouthpiece
            July 16, 2015 at 6:22 am

            Awww cmon, what to do to that fartbox would come naturally. I have faith in ya bro!

    • Finnish Goalie
      July 15, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      Figuring the number of tagged sharks out there, and the limited number of attacks?


      The Whites have been here for years now, and there’s been one attack I believe they link back to them?

      • BobnMic
        July 15, 2015 at 5:10 pm

        One attack is one too many.

        • The Philistine
          July 15, 2015 at 6:34 pm


    • WTF..Worcester
      July 16, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Ok, I have to add my two cents.

      1) The tag is designed follow the shark, learn their mating habits (which no one knows about with great white sharks), and also to warn the beach if the shark is in the area. Cape Cod has set up a tag system, thanks to the WHOI that will ping a warning if the shark swims within a certain distance of the tag bouys. That ping notifies the people at the beach that there is a shark near the beach, therefore giving off a warning system to beach goers to get out of the water before anyone is eaten/bitten/nibbled, etc,…

      2) When it comes to comments that were made, I admit, I got a bit upset and the blogs need to point out how nice it would be a kill a shark. But the facts are that the reason there are so many seals was because so many were being killed by PEOPLE that they were added to the at risk/endangered species list. This prevented them being killed, and over the last 30+ years, they have grown their numbers and returned to their breeding grounds (the Cape). This brings the sharks. This happened 200+ years ago before free fishing/killing of the seals, and will continue to happen.

      3) An average of 5 people a year die from shark attacks. FIVE. Sharks are killed at about a 100 million per year average. That is 20 million sharks for every killed person. And most of the time the Great White is NOT responsible for the attack. The most common attack is from a Bull shark or a Tiger shark. Great Whites just have a bad rep thanks to Jaws.

      Long story short, it is a blog. Facts are facts, blogs are blogs. Get over it, enjoy the reading, and ignore what you don’t want to read (I personally ignore the sports blogs, because I don’t like them).

  • Devils Mouthpiece
    July 15, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    i voted to save the shark, but found your response to #8 quite funny. For fucks sakes, lighten up people. Some of you need some serious help.

  • July 15, 2015 at 11:30 am

    Bears, coyote, and fisher cats regularly sighted within 1/8 mile of Main St. in Rutland regularly. We just know better than to bother ACO with them. They were here first.

  • Anthony Rozevicius
    July 15, 2015 at 11:17 am

    Guess who said it? My man, Bret! Best Turtle rider EVER!

  • crocodile dundee
    July 15, 2015 at 11:11 am

    I’m gonna take a wild guess and say that Brett that comment

  • Shit on Sharks!
    July 15, 2015 at 11:10 am

    The guy threatening to throw out the t shirt should fashion a noose out of it and do all of us a favor! Fucking pussy! Go hang out with RBG and the circle Jerk, because you’re obviously not a true turtle rider! Dick rider yes turtle rider not so much!

    • TurtleBoySpurts
      July 15, 2015 at 9:45 pm

      Hey, how are you? 🙂 I’m not backing off. Kiss, kiss…

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