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We’ve written blogs before that have been somewhat controversial, but we’ve NEVER seen anything that approached the backlash we received for our satirical blog about the shark that was stranded on a Chatham beach yesterday. Basically our take is that natural selection had chosen this shark for death. Clearly it is not smart enough to stay in the water, and the human beings who put it back into the water were fucking with nature. When you go on a safari and you see a lion eating a warthog you don’t save the warthog. Because that warthog was not put on earth to live for very long. Just as this shark was clearly supposed to die. Haven’t you people seen Final Destination?

Just for the record, obviously we would not have let the shark die. Obviously. We just thought the whole thing was kind of funny. A shark that got close enough to land to go sun bathing was put back into water where there are children playing. We apologize if dead shark jokes crossed the moral indignation line.

Look, the point of Turtleboy Sports is satire. The blog started off by saying that the cameraman should be fed to the sharks. Obviously we do not really believe that. Because it’s a joke. But for whatever reason people were FIRED UP about this blog like we’ve never seen before. On that note, here are the Top 10 Best Comments About The TBS Shark Blog. (P.S. If your comment appears on this blog, don’t worry, we can still be friends.)

10. Sharks go to Chatham to eat seals, seals are protected and there are a lot of them. Sharks don’t go after humans, they go after things in the water splashing around that could be a meal. They usually take a bite of a human and keep on moving, must not really like the taste.

Oh, well since they’re only taking a little chomp out of human beings, no big deal right? I mean, it’s just a shark bite. 

9. If the shark is meant to die it will..in the meantime we can’t go around killing them…they are too important to our ecosystem….keep saving them….

Yea, no shark can ever die. Ever. Because of the ecosystem. If this shark died, or ANY shark for that matter, the oceans would cease to exist and the world would end. Here’s a question for ya – what if this shark washed ashore at night, died, and then was found in the morning? Would the world end because one particular shark died?

8. The ocean is his home!!! How about someone come to your house and just kill you?!! Use your brain!! They are dangerous but you are taking that risk going into THEIR HOME

TBS agrees – the ocean is their home. That’s why he should’ve stayed in the ocean. When we go into the ocean and get bit by a shark, we can’t blame them. Because like you said, it is their home. But the land is our home. And when you come on the land, don’t expect us to bail your dumb ass out. 

7. Tb, your hiding behind a blog refusing to say a name, and your going to trash talk a shark??? Did a dumb turtle relative get eaten lately? This is a disgusting low for you. Might be time to throw out the TB shirt i bought

This stuff again? The ol “you’re hiding behind a blog” routine? Come on people, that’s a hippie move. Be better than the hippies. We’ve written thousands of blogs. If you don’t like this one, just read another one. You can throw out the shirt if you so please, but more than likely you’ll end up regretting that one. 

6. Ignorance is bliss tb….Im gonna to unfollow you if you continue to put these kinds of posts because its becoming clear to me that I really dont like your point of view on too many things.You have a very skewed and shallow stance on many things and it bothers me

Ahhh yes, the old “I’m gonna unfollow you unless you write blogs that I approve of ” shpeel. We’ll tell you the same things we’ve told countless people before you – you’re not going anywhere. You know that, we know that, everyone knows that. Because if you do, then what are you going to do to fill that void in your day? Read the Telegram? LOL. We all know that you’ll be back riding the turtle the moment you need a hot take on the Big E or the Brockton Fair. Because at the end of the day, you’re here because you wanna watch the world burn. 

5. Ha. Yeah, Turtleboy, when your kid drowns or gets hit by a car I’m gonna remind you of the fact that he was clearly too dumb to swim or dodge cars. Moron.

He seems nice. Because as you all know, a human life has the same value as a gigantic man eating fish. 

4. Yes! Sharks belong in the ocean. It’s a living creature, just like you. If you were dying, I’m sure you would want someone to help you. Nobody says you have to swim in the ocean. You take the risk every time you leave the beach.

If I were drowning in the ocean, or being pulled out to see by the currents, you know who wouldn’t help me? A shark. 

3. I don’t agree. It’s an animal and has more right to be there than us. It was here before us..

So sharks have a right to the ocean because they were there first? Let me know when you’ll be packing up and moving back the country your ancestors came from. After all, Native Americans were on this land first. They have more right to it than us. 

2. Honestly what the fuck is wrong with you people???!!!! So you see a defenseless creature be it a damn shark gasping for air to breathe so you just stand there watch it die! Assholes!!!! I will make sure to stand over each everyone of your beds as you gasp to breath….fucking douches!!! Do you think a shark knows the difference between a fish and you….I don’t think so. You all probably purposely hit animals that cross the street too!!!

That seems like a reasonable response to a satirical blog written by a boy on a turtle. But no, none of us hit animals as they cross the street purposely. I’ve hit them accidentally before. And guess what? The ones I’ve hit obviously were too dumb to survive. That’s how Darwinism works. No one thinks we should go around trying to hunt sharks to extinction. But the dumb ones who can’t figure out how to stay off the beach? That’s on them.

1. thats why 65% of the people voted to put it back in the ocean, thats what a real perswon would do….unlike you, you gutless piece of shit that hides behind a turtle. you south high nutless piece of shit . you are a total cocksucking phedophile. and a total coward. the kind of guy who backs up chuck lidell in a bar fight but the first time an animal is in trouble he runs like a bitch. im calling your bitch ass out “turtlebitch”. what a terrible thing to say!!!

So much fantastic hate packed into one beautiful English rant. Look pal, if you wanna fight one of us you’re gonna have to call up our secretary and get penciled in just like the rest of you. Whitco is only open for so many hours, and our schedule is pretty full. We’ll try to fit you in sometime if there’s a cancellation. 

We just thought all this shark love was hilarious. When bears and coyotes start showing up on Main Street in Rutland, is everyone just gonna be COOL with this?  Yes, sharks have been here for thousands and thousands of years, but so have mosquitos? Should we stop killing them too? And where’s all the love for the seals? Because that shark has probably killed a few adorably cute and delicious seals since it’s been saved.

And like we said, at the end of the day, we obviously would’ve helped save the shark. We just thought the concept of tossing a dangerous animal, that obviously comes dangerously close to the shore, back into the water where kids are playing, was kind of funny. But apparently sharks have joined the list of things that the PC police has not approved for satire.

The good news is that this proves once and for all that the critics who say that you people blindly agree with everything Turtleboy writes, were dead wrong. When you don’t agree with TBS you call us out for it. And we love you for that because it keeps us on our toes. And quite frankly, sometimes TBS hate is more fun than TBS love.

P.S. Guess who said it bonus comment – I would have taken a “shark selfie” and buried my knife in its skull…..

Want to have your business advert seen by over 500,000 people per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

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