Sports

Top 10 Ways The Patriots Cheated To Beat The Jaguars And Win The AFC Championship

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The Patriots are going to yet another Super Bowl. Tom Brady’s 8th trip to the big show in 16 years of playing professional football. And obviously no one can have this level of success without cheating. I know this because I listen to Max Kellerman bitch and whine and assume everything he says has to be true. After all, Brady is really, really old. Old people don’t slice up defenses like Jacksonville on the up and up. So we reviewed the game tape and have discovered 10 ways the Patriots and refs cheated to win the AFC Championship…..

 

10. The Patriots paid the Steelers and Chiefs to lose

The Steelers were 13-3 this year and almost beat the Patriots. The Chiefs murdered the Patriots at home in Week 1. Coincidentally they both lost to crapbag teams at home (Jags and Titans). That only happens when the Patriots pay money to refs to make sure they get the easier matchup. These creampuff teams are not a coincidence. They also paid off the Vikings, Saints, and Falcons to lose, all of who would’ve given the Patriots a bigger challenge in the Super Bowl. The fix is already in.

#Payoffgate

 

9. The Jaguars taking a knee wit a minute to go in the first half. 

It literally never happens. Obviously the Patriots did something. Not sure what. But this doesn’t just happen on its own. Maybe they fucked with the clock and made them think there was only 10 seconds left. Maybe they paid off Doug Marrone. Who knows. Bottom line is they cheated because when teams make dumb decisions against the Patriots it’s never their fault.

#Kneeldowngate

 

8. Jaguars take delay of game penalty on first down to put them in field goal range

https://twitter.com/Fumb_Ducks/status/955187110956359680

How obvious does it have to get? Do you think a brilliant tactician like Blake Bortles would ever fuck up the clock like this? Nope. Obviously the playclock that he saw inside the stadium was different from the one on TV. The refs likely did this on purpose just to fuck them over. Were it not for this the Jags would’ve likely driven down for a touchdown, taken a commanding 21-3 lead into half and the game would’ve been over. Because the Patriots have never come back from a 21-3 halftime deficit. Ever.

#Clockgate

 

7. The Patriots made Jalen Ramsey guarantee a Super Bowl victory

“We going to the Super, AND we gon’ win that bitch.”

Do you think it’s a coincidence that teams insist on giving the Patriots bulletin board material every time they’re about to play a big game? Obviously a mature and grounded product of Florida State like Jalen Ramsey would have the self control to avoid saying something so stupid. What likely happened is that Belichick’s henchmen had his mom tied up in a basement somewhere and would not release her until he made a guarantee that the Jags would win. No other explanation as to why someone would do something so dumb.

#Wogonwindatbitchgate

 

6. Danny Amendola 3rd and 18 catch

Amendildo was a non-factor all season. One or two catches a game at most. Then all of a sudden in the biggest moment he makes insane catches to keep the Patriots alive in the 4th quarter on 3rd and 18. What happened here is that Amendildo masks himself as a 5’9″ 180 pound white guy so that no one will take him seriously. Then he sucks all regular season so that no one game plans for him. As a result they don’t bother covering him and he gets wide open and catches a bullet like this to keep a critical drive alive.

#Amendildogate

 

5. Amendola illegal grundle tuck on TD catch

Again with this guy!! Are you kidding me? No way a 5’9″ 180 pound white guy makes a catch like this. It’s physically impossible. He’s literally standing on the edge of the end zone and can barely get the first foot down:

His momentum was forcing him out of bounds, and there was no way in hell he was getting that second foot in:

Next thing you know he’s doing the illegal Irish grundle dance to complete the catch:

Notice the grundle area. The only way to pull this off is to tuck it in between your legs before the game, thus allowing your testicles to remain in tact. It’s also known as cheating.

#Grundlegate

 

 

4. Stephon Gilmore breakup to seal the game on 4th down

Have you seen this guy play all season? Remember when we all complained about how much he sucked and what a waste of money he was? Now all of a sudden he’s making insane plays and sending the Patriots to the Super Bowl. Newsflash – sucky players don’t make superstar plays unless they’re cheating. Gilmore was in the air for an eternity because he was using the matrix to defy gravity and make a play he had no business making.

#Matrixgate

 

 

3. Gronk faked a concussion

Gronk was nowhere to be seen in the first few drives. He simply didn’t have it in him. But he knew that Cooks and Amendildo were better options. So obviously he faked a concussion and took himself out of the game because he knew that staying in hurt the Patriots chances of winning, because he would take targets away from Amendildo.

#Concussiongate

 

2. The Patriots gave them hope

They do this all the time. They know they’re gonna win, but they let you get up early, likely because they know the NFL will make up some bullshit about deflated balls and use it as a way to take away draft picks if they win by too much. Remember in 2014? The Patriots beat the Colts 45-7, which they easily could’ve done to Jacksoville if they wanted to. After that they concocted “deflategate” and the rest was history. The only way to keep the NFL from taking away Patriots draft picks is to give the other team hope by keeping it close when they don’t have to.

#Hopegate

 

1. Tom Brady had steroids in his thumb stitches

How is no one talking about this? His running back coincidentally hits his thumb in practice, forcing Brady into the training room with his witch doctor Alex Guerrero. No one from the NFL is present when this happens except for Patriots personnel. He gets 10 stitches, which somehow doesn’t affect his play AT ALL!! If anything he was sharper than ever and carved up the best defense in the league like they were a wedge of cheese. Obviously something was in those stitches and the whole thing was scripted. It also forced the Jaguars to waste valuable time preparing for Brian Hoyer when they could’ve been planning how to not get a delay of game in a critical situation.

 

#Thumbgate

Can’t wait to see how they cheat to win the Super Bowl. Life is unfair because the Patriots win all the time, and instead of just recognizing their greatness we must blame the refs and figure out ways in which they cheated.

18 Comment(s)
  • Owen
    January 23, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    I have to say man, I have never met a more salty person in my life. Your bitchass says that the Amendola catch at the end was impossible. How in gods name would they cheat to make a guy catch a ball? If they faked it, the fans would see and Jacksonville would be in on it. Second of all, that ref was smiling. SMILING.. I am guessing why he was was because Jacksonville has made a dirty late hit before that. Also, we have zero idea of the conversation that goes on in the huddle, with the refs, on the sidelines etc. Beside that, you think that the patriots fucked with the clock. Don’t you think fans would have noticed that, maybe taken a screenshot? See this is why I hate patriots haters like you. They think of the most bs way on why the patriots cheated and pass it off as true. You sound like Julio Jones with the Super Bowl on how the patriots set off fireworks so that the falcons couldn’t see, when that would be stupid considering they PLAY ON THE SAME GODDAMN FIELD. I think you know how irrelevant your remarks are just to piss off patriots fans. Fuck you and your opinion.

    • Patsalltheway!
      January 23, 2018 at 8:06 pm

      This was sarcasm! What is wrong with you people?

  • Jim in NYC
    January 23, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    For some reason, I don’t share in the near-universal hatred of the Patriots.

    Maybe it’s because I’m a Giant fan.

    #BradyHasFiveRings #NotSeven

  • Peter Frasca
    January 23, 2018 at 11:31 am

    Instead of just recognizing their greatness……get some real proof of your conspiracy bull, and stop your crying!

  • Spankster
    January 23, 2018 at 7:46 am

    For the record. The Pats DID NOT pay the Steelers to lose. They mearly paid Mike Tomlins salery. He did what he usually does on his own.

  • Wwy
    January 23, 2018 at 12:46 am

    They have a kike owner kikes run Vegas. Tel aviv terrorists vs American Eagles. The kike will win. Jewmerica.

  • Brian Albrecht
    January 22, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    It took you this FUCKING LONG to write this piece of shit blog?!? no wonder this site isnt going anywhere. Worcester trash. Straight white trash junk boxes. I’d destroy any Faggot from worcester. LETSSS FUCKING GO!!!!!!!!
    #FUCKYOU
    #BRIANALBRECHT
    #WEYMOUTHRISEUP

  • Jason L Brown - UMMC
    January 22, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Get in line, Boyler. I got dibs on any/all BBC (but don’t tell my partner).

  • Hugh Jass
    January 22, 2018 at 6:01 pm

    Big, tough TB. Always blustering about that big FB lawsuit. Yet doing nothing. And DeDe Delgado and her SJW cohorts have pretty well bottled up TB’s business plan, or so he says. TB is more turtle than boy, it seems.

    • January 22, 2018 at 6:27 pm

      One two three.

      Please touch me where I pee!

      Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hugh jass is a racist. What say you?

      • I Wear a Mask When I Cosplay
        January 22, 2018 at 7:13 pm

        Evan Boyler doesn’t discriminate when it comes to sucking dick. I bet he’s got Hugh Jass on speed dial.

    • Don Dewey
      January 23, 2018 at 5:48 am

      HJ, watch what you say about Tom Brady, bitch!

  • Troubled Nostrils
    January 22, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    I’m a Cowboys’ fan since birth, but I otherwise root for the Pats because I admire Brady and because Danny Amendola is a fellow Texas Tech Red Raider alum (as was Welker). Now go whup the Iggles and their criminally obnoxious asshole fans!

  • Vladimir PutInAss
    January 22, 2018 at 3:47 pm

    I Bet a Lot of ButtHurt Pats Fans Guna be defending them on this blog. Good Job TB btw

    • Cynner69
      January 22, 2018 at 4:00 pm

      I’m guessing you are not fluent in English… butthurt applies to teams that LOSE. Here is an example, the Jag’s are butthurt because they couldn’t hold onto a lead and stopped playing in the last minutes of the game. Butthurt

      • Earl Wallingford
        January 23, 2018 at 10:17 pm

        Butthurt about this blog you stupid bastard. You’re not fluent in reading you prick. – butthurt Jags fan 🙂

    • Kat
      January 23, 2018 at 5:35 pm

      Methinks you missed the sarcasm…

  • Nancy
    January 22, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    OMG. This was great. Nice job!!

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