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Top 20 Seinfeld Side Characters In Honor Of The 20th Anniversary Of Final Seinfeld Episode

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Wanna feel old? Today (May 14, 2018) is the 20th anniversary of the final episode of Seinfeld. I feel bad for kids these days who didn’t grow up with this show. I’m a huge fan of The Office, Modern Family, Family Guy, and The Simpsons. But nothing compares to Seinfeld. Mainly because the side characters were so good. I think we can all agree that the four main characters go in this order:

1. Kramer

2. George

3. Jerry

4. Elaine

And there’s obviously a huge gap there between 3 and 4. Despite what SJW rags like Rolling Stone will tell you, because they think pretending Elaine is funny makes them woke.

But where do the other characters rank? In honor of the 20th anniversary of the day when Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer were sentenced to a year in jail in Latham, Massachusetts, here’s the Top 20 side characters form Seinfeld….

 

20. Lt. Bookman

“Yeah ’71, that was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abby Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don’t judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the New York Public Library, fella.”

 

 

19. Lloyd Braun

Serenity now, insanity later.”

 

18. Mickey Abbott

“I offered him cigarettes, but his stupid mother is hanging around. She won’t let him have any.”

 

 

17. Hop Sing takeout guy

“She named name.”

 

 

16. Alton Benes

“We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. There’s nothing funny about that!”

 

 

15. Bob Sacamano

“My friend Bob Sacammano came in here for a hernia operation. Oh yea, routine surgery. Now he’s sitting around a chair by the window saying, “My name is Bob.”

 

 

14. Rebecca De Mornay

“Mr, we’re trying to help the homeless here. It’s bad enough we’ve got some nut out there strapping them to a rickshaw. You get your toilet book out of here and I won’t jump over this counter and punch you in the brain.”

 

 

13. Jack Klompus

“What d’you think? I’ve never ridden in a Cadillac before? Believe me, I’ve ridden in a Cadillac hundreds of times. Thousands.”

 

 

12. Kenny Bania

“Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it round tine. That’s gold, Jerry! Gold!”

 

 

11. The Seinfelds

“Cheap fabric, and dim lighting. That’s how you move merchandise.”

 

10. J. Peterman

“I know what you’re going through. I too once fell under the spell of opium. It was 1979. I was travelling the Yangtzee in search of a Mongolian horsehair vest. I had got to the market after sundown, all of the clothing traders had gone, but a different sort of trader still lurked about. “Just a taste,” he said. That was all it took.”

 

 

9. Izzy Mandelbaum

“If you want to live in a butcher shop, I’m gonna treat you like a piece of meat.”

 

 

8. Steinbrenner

“Well, Buhner was a good prospect, no question about it. But my baseball people loved Ken Phelps’ bat. They kept saying “Ken Phelps, Ken Phelps.”

 

 

7. Newman

You see my dear, certified mail is always registered, but registered mail is not necessarily certified.

 

 

6. Soup Nazi

“Bread, $2 extra.”

 

 

5. Uncle Leo

Arrested? Come on! I’m an old man. I’m confused! I thought I paid for it. What’s my name? Will you take me home?

 

 

4. Mr. Kruger

According to our latest quarterly thing, Kruger Industrial Smoothing is heading into the red…or the black…or, whatever the bad one is. Any thoughts?

 

 

3. The Costanzas

“This is Frank Costanza. You think you can keep us out of Florida? We’re moving in lock, stock and barrel. We’re gonna be in the pool. We’re gonna be in the clubhouse. We’re gonna be all over that shuffleboard court. And I dare you to keep me out!”

 

 

2. Jackie Chiles

“You better believe it. Jackie’s cashin’ in on your wretched disfigurement. Your face is my case.”

 

 

1. Puddy

“Yeah, I saw Jerry wearing his. He looked like a bit of a dandy. Check it out! 8-Ball! You got a question, you ask the 8-Ball.”

Who’d we miss?

16 Comment(s)
  • That's right I'm a fucken Marine Biologist
    May 14, 2018 at 2:52 pm

    Kramer? Kramer is #1 in your list?

    No way….Constanza made that show and second was definitely Elaine….

    Jerry and kramer could go either way

    • They’re Real...and they’re spectacular
      May 14, 2018 at 11:09 pm

      Bob Cobb – The Maestro

  • Hughbo Mont
    May 14, 2018 at 2:18 pm

    Love the Costanzas!!! Last year I rewatched all the episodes. George has to take off his shirt to take a dump… LOL

  • Great Chow
    May 14, 2018 at 2:17 pm

    No Dr. Tim Whatley? Classic Brian Cranston.

  • z
    May 14, 2018 at 1:08 pm

    “el diablo”.

    John Voight’s car.

    • z
      May 14, 2018 at 1:10 pm

      Russell Dalrymplem, the president of NBC who joins Greenpeace to impress Elaine

  • Drylaw
    May 14, 2018 at 12:57 pm

    What about the creepy Pagliacci clown or the dude who was in love with Elaine and had her manikin?

  • Atty. General Eric Schneiderman
    May 14, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    What about the moyl, and the rabbi? Those guys were way more memorable than Alton Benes or the chinese food guy.

  • BeantownBuck
    May 14, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    How about the Mohel?

    …..the Jewish circumciser.

    • BeantownBuck
      May 14, 2018 at 12:44 pm

      …..also, the Matre’d at the Asian restaurant.

      “Cartwright…..Cartwright!!!!”

      • BeantownBuck
        May 14, 2018 at 8:19 pm

        ….also, Babu.

        • BeantownBuck
          May 14, 2018 at 8:23 pm

          …..’Crazy Joe’ Lovollo….

  • z
    May 14, 2018 at 11:52 am

    What? No bubble boy?

  • TortugaNino
    May 14, 2018 at 9:02 am

    am I the only one who thought Elaine was just hot and slutty enough to ignore her humor…?

  • Any Town USA
    May 14, 2018 at 5:34 am

    Good list, Jerry’s dad stealing batteries, George’s dad “you trying to keep us out of boca vista?!”. You are absolutely correct, Elaine wasn’t very funny, Newman took the 4th spot from her.

    • Linda
      May 14, 2018 at 8:47 pm

      Del Boca Vista

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