Top Comments From Angry St. Bonaventure Fans, Fake UMass Fans On TurtleBoy Blog


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TurtleBoy Sports recently published a blog about the losers at St. Bonaventure who stormed the court not once, but twice. Apparently everyone there is so unfamiliar with the concept of winning that they didn’t realize the game isn’t over until there is no time left on the clock. I merely pointed out how incredibly idiotic it was to rush the court after beating a team that you’re two point favorites over. Act like you’ve been there before, even if you haven’t.

I honestly don’t know anything about this school because they’re completely irrelevant. If you don’t follow Atlantic 10 basketball then you’d probably think they’re some kind of prep school. Turns out they’re an actual university with books and professors and everything. They’re somewhere in upstate New York. I have no idea where. I knew it was around Buffalo somewhere. Doesn’t really matter where though since upstate New York is a completely irrelevant part of the United States of America. That’s why God just dumps a shit ton of snow on it every year. He doesn’t want anyone living there on account of it sucks so bad.

I’m not sure exactly how it happened but apparently the blog made the rounds up there. Got like 10,000 hits. That’s about five times the size of the University’s enrollment, which means basically every alumni that’s still alive read it and got pissed about it. There were 140 comments on it, most of which reminded me what a terrible writer I am and how weak my upstate New York geography skills are. Well, the comments are just so darn entertaining we decided to put some of the better ones on here for you to enjoy. Beware of the foul language of these wonderful religious people.

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So in the original blog I pointed out how Buffalo folk use the “fa**ot” word as freely as we say wicked round here. Kenny Mann decided to prove me wrong by calling me a “f***ing fa**ot.” Well played sir. Well played.

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So Yanella sent me this exact same post in an email as well. Luckily she’s pointed me in the right direction for some research on St. Bonaventure. I mean, I wanted to find out about him, but I just have never heard of these “google” or “wikipedia” things before. Now I know where I will do all my St. Bonaventure research from now on.

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According to that “wikipedia” site which Yanella introduced me to, “The school’s programs are known as the Bonnies, and colors are brown and white.” Jessica brings up some really good points too. What gives me the right to say bad things about St. Bonaventure or Buffalo? The Constitution or something stupid like that? Not really. The First Amendment lets you say what you want, as long as its not something mean about St. Bonaventure. They even put that in the Bill of Rights. And apparently everyone at St. Bonnies is nice? Hmmmm, apparently calling people a f***ing fa**ot is a sign of affection in upstate New York.

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You can say what you want about me, but don’t you dare talk about my blowup dolls. Jessica must’ve forgot to tell Mr. Superfan that joking about me blowing up at the Boston Marathon isn’t very nice.

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I don’t know who ProudMinuteMan is, but there’s just no way that a massive toolbag like this went to UMass. No way possible. Maybe he went there for a semester and transferred because people gave him too many swirlies, but it’s just not possible for someone who is this much of a herb to last four years in Amherst. I would’ve loved to be a fly on the wall in the room where this nudnik and his “fiends” got together and discussed ways of forcing me to take this blog down. Like, what exactly is their strategy? Post in the comments about the meeting they just had? Apparently it would be really “smart” if I took this blog down. Because this anonymous guy on the internet said it was.

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Does this guy know the Hartford Whalers skipped town 15 years ago? I’m not gonna lie, Al here really opened my eyes to what a dumbass I am. First thing tomorrow I’m calling up my high school and yelling at them for failing me. They didn’t even educate me about the intricacies of upstate New York geography. That’s like the basics right there. Addition, subtraction, phonics, upstate New York geography. What else is there to learn?

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You can say what you want about me Kelly Webster, but don’t you dare talk about my verbiage!! And Kelly, I’ve been to Buffalo close to ten times. If there’s an immersed homosexual community there I pray to God they don’t ever wear a Tom Brady jersey in public. Maybe it’s just the sight of seeing a metrosexual that they can’t beat which brings out their inner steelworkers. But I really appreciate you thanking me for landing this sweet writing position at TurtleBoySports. I’ve always hoped that they’d hire me and now my dreams have come true!!

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Hawaii, Bermdua, Bahamas, Aruba. Those places all suck. St. Bonaventure is the REAL best place on earth. Because who doesn’t want to live on the Alleghany River in upstate New York? It’s only an hour and a half from the great metropolis of Buffalo, and three hours from Cleveland!! What else could a fuck boi like me want?

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Yea you liberals from UMass don’t know shit about upstate New York geography. Why don’t all you massholes go drown yourself in a sea of Obamacare.

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It’s quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Plus, no one from St. Bonaventure is even from Buffalo. No one.

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Is this like a thing up there in Olean, NY? Fuck boi?

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Newsflash dude, none of those players are your friends. None of them. You pay an inflated and overvalued tuition fee to attend school there, after which you will be drowned in debt and working for some kid who went to State. And your “friends” from the basketball team are all going to school for free. Well, not really actually. Your tuition pays for theirs. And this guy can’t possibly be serious when he starts bragging about St. Bonaventure’s five congressman right? I mean, is there any group of people that’s more disliked than Congress? Did he miss that whole government shutdown thing? They’re literally the most incompetent group of boobs in the Western Hemisphere. Gotta love these grammar Nazis who can’t figure out the whole “to” “two” “too” thing. Hopefully my UMass education can help me get my facts straight.

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Ole, ole, ole, ole……..

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This is my favorite comment by far. St. Bonaventure has a phenomenal reputation by the people who actually know what the school has to offer? Wait…what?? Ummmm, isn’t a reputation something that people are familiar with who didn’t go to school there? Well, I guess AfroBonnie makes a good point. They do have that psychology professor that everyone in the nations knows. You know, old “what’s his name?” He’s the best. I was just reading some of his writings on the throne the other day.

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If you didn’t like my grammar, then you’re gonna HATE my prose!! You don’t chastise an entire region over a basketball game. Because that’s too entertaining and humorous. You have to be serious all the time and never make jokes. Ever. If this impostor actually went to UMass he definitely lived up in Orchard Hill. If he lived in Southwest we would’ve thrown this kid out of the 19th floor of JQA the next time one of our teams wins a World Championship. Which usually doesn’t take that long.

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Apparently Bear missed the 128 other comments about geography.

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Poop is funny.


Feel free to share your comments. Especially if you’re a St. Bonnies fan. The meaner the better, so bring it on ladies!!

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11 Comment(s)
  • Juju
    February 13, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    First, you spent way too much time on this, relax. Game over Bonas won get over it. Also find a life, blogging to bash kids that had fun at a bball game because they love their team and school doesn’t sound like much of one. And Bill, it was 10 years ago and no one cares anymore except people like you soooo stfu, fucking loser.

  • Bunchy Carter
    February 4, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    DO A BLOG OF PPL DEFENDING YOU in the conmment section TURTLEBOY!

    • Bill Swain
      February 5, 2014 at 8:20 am

      He doesn’t need to, I’ll defend him here. The Bonnies suck. How do I know? Because I had to cheat to try and get the school I ran to be good at anything. Once I got caught in the b-ball welding scandal, I offed myself because I wasn’t able to get away with it. But hey, any top notch university out there should be accepting welding certificates over associate degrees, right?? You fucking losers.

  • Joey G
    February 4, 2014 at 5:44 pm

    Yanella!! Where are you??? Please mail me your underpants!!

  • Jackson Steve
    February 4, 2014 at 11:57 am

    Go U!

    • Joey G
      February 4, 2014 at 2:11 pm

      GO BONERS!! And where is that Bonaventure girl who was supposed to send me pictures of her in her underpants??

      • Bill Swain
        February 4, 2014 at 6:54 pm

        She is in a welding class…

  • mike
    February 4, 2014 at 11:48 am

    I live less then a mile from St. Bonas and have
    Enjoyed years of pleasure and dis-pleasure from Bona althletics. I also was born in Buffalo and realize the shit hole that it is. I love the campus and the quality education it provides. When I first saw your article, yep I was pissed and wanted you hung from your testicles in front of campus. But shit, now I’m a fan of yours and look forward to the shit that’s still to come!

    • Blong
      February 4, 2014 at 6:52 pm

      Glad to have ya along for the ride!

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