Turtleboy Investigates

Turns Out The South Shore Manbunned Assquatch Is Turtleboy Repeat Dalton Bermingham, Kingston Rapper Who Threatens To Deflower Children, Fight Elderly

Turns Out The South Shore Manbunned Assquatch Is Turtleboy Repeat Dalton Bermingham, Kingston Rapper Who Threatens To Deflower Children, Fight Elderly

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.







A few minutes ago we posted this blog about a rare sighting of the south shore manbunned, grundle grabbing assquatch, who was seen on a hunting stand camera aimlessly walking through the woods around Plympton and Carver.

Well within three minutes we had a name, and it turns out he’s a Turtleboy repeat customer. Shocking, I know. What are the odds that a guy walking through the woods in his underpants would’ve previously been featured on Turtleboy? That’s easy money right there.

Someone sent us this screenshot, in which a young lady named Danielle Bermingham expresses her lack of shock that her brother Dalton is apparently Assquatch:

Who remembers Dalton Bermingham? He was featured on Turtleboy in January of 2017, as the aspiring Kingston rapper not only elected to defend three trashbags who forced a 16 year old Fitchburg girlfriend into sex slavery the previous weekend, he also threatened to rape children and assault the elderly:







We all knew Dalton Bermingham’s manbun would make reappearance on Turtleboy, we just figured he’d have pants on. I figured with his hacking IP skills he’d have taken the turtle down by now:


The only thing I’m shocked about here is that sister seems normal. When this is your brother:


And this is your father:


And this your mother:



Odds are that you too will one day make an appearance on Turtleboy, and it won’t be because you found a cure for cancer.

So there you have it. The south shore grundle grabbing manbunned Assquatch is none other than aspiring Kingston rapper Dalton Bermingham, who apparently likes to have a nice acid breakfast in Kingston, head due west and wander through the woods half naked all day while wiping his ass with poison oak. Mystery solved.

15 Comment(s)
  • Mrs. Teasdale
    November 6, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    Kingston? Really? He talks like a Hoodrat.

  • Demarco Rubio
    October 31, 2017 at 11:17 am

    Yikes he looks like the main character from the current season of American Horror Story

  • Mom’s Basement
    October 31, 2017 at 10:12 am

    It appears that he’s searching for an escaped victim

  • True Reality Speaks
    Dorchester Dude
    October 31, 2017 at 9:20 am

    I’d have this little twat licking his own bald scrote while I banged his Mom and made his pussy Dad watch. I hate f’in poseurs.

  • Kim Wescott
    October 31, 2017 at 9:12 am

    Doesn’t look like the same guy as in the mugshot

  • Keir Darcey
    October 31, 2017 at 7:50 am

    Turtleboy can’t just go around misattributing every boy that’s accidently run out of heroin and crapped their pants. Good heavens, where are your journalistic standards?

  • KingstonStrong
    October 31, 2017 at 7:29 am

    Dalton was probably scurrying out into the woods for a little rough man love. He has a reputation in Kingston as a bottom who has a great affection for “bears” (hairy homosexual men).

  • Dalton for President
    October 31, 2017 at 7:20 am

    “And I have no problem beating up an old man who thinks he can still hang with young boys.” LMAO

  • The Wall
    October 31, 2017 at 7:12 am

    Sorry, I missed it in the story

  • The Wall
    October 31, 2017 at 7:08 am

    Haven’t you blogged about this guy before???

  • Kevin Lynch
    October 31, 2017 at 6:15 am

    Man buns are sooooo sexy!

  • whatevuh
    October 31, 2017 at 5:32 am

    I’m guessing he was scouting houses to rob . . . police better go speak to this ass-wipe before something happens . . . .

  • turtles gullable
    October 31, 2017 at 1:51 am

    thats not daltan lol she just messaged me saying it was a joke because hes so stupid it wouldnt be a shocker for him to be the assquatch lol, turtleboy i love ya but you gotta know when people are joking around, you can clearly see its not him lol

    • guess he is gullable
      October 31, 2017 at 1:56 am

      lol at least you had all those pictures saved, lol i cant believe you thaught that was dalton hahaha he has not had the man bun or hair for a few months

    • First Time Caller
      October 31, 2017 at 3:49 am

      Give it up, Dalton. Turtleboy got you; no hiding now.
      Now go put your fucking Garanimals pants back on, fuckboy.

Comment on this Post


Who Are Worcester’s Top 5 DUI (OUI) Attorney’s?
Best Show Of All Time: True Detective, House Of Cards, The Wire, Sopranos, Or Breaking Bad?
I Figured Out What Happens To Tony Soprano In Final Scene But It Still Sucks; Here Are The Top 10 Funniest Scenes In Sopranos History