Turtleboy NFL Recap, Watching The Hearts Get Ripped From The Falcons Will Never Get Old, The Colts Are One Of The Worst Teams In Football, And The Jets Choke, What A Time To Be A Pats Fan

Turtleboy NFL Recap, Watching The Hearts Get Ripped From The Falcons Will Never Get Old, The Colts Are One Of The Worst Teams In Football, And The Jets Choke, What A Time To Be A Pats Fan

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New England 23, Atlanta 7:

Well, there is no question now. Atlanta is completely dead, Pittsburgh is leaning towards marginal, the Seahawks aren’t dominant anymore – and the Chiefs have come back to this planet. The Patriots are back to being the best team in football. The defense has taken a complete 180 from mediocre, back to good. Tom Brady is playing some of his best football ever. Jets fans, Giants fans, Colts fans, and everyone in between had a nice little run talking about how the Patriots are done.

That bandwagon lost a wheel now and it’s totaled. The Falcons would have never even scored if Julio Jones, who is like 6’6″ got Butler 1 on 1. I said this last week, the Falcons were clearly seconds away from dying when they lost to Miami and Buffalo. Coming to New England after that brutal stretch is the nail in the coffin. Once again, I will never understand why they use their running backs so badly. They gave Mohamed Sanu almost as many targets (10), as Devonta Freeman got carries (12). Freeman took 12 carries, and took them for 72 yards, and Atlanta still uses him like shit. They haven’t changed from the super bowl.

Buffalo 30, Tampa Bay 27:

Bills Mafia was literally on fire to start the day, and clearly that torch was passed on the field with Buffalo putting up a 30 spot on Tampa. Buffalo is actually pretty good so far this season – while Tampa Bay continues to be a fraudulent surprise team. It’s actually fucking embarrassing how bad Doug Martin was. Martin had 20 carries for 49 yards. One of those carries was 11 yards, if you take out the outlier, he had 19 carries for 38 yards which is around 2 yards per carry. That’s so bad it makes fat Eddie Lacy look like the NFL MVP. Jameis Winston is definitely a good QB, leaning towards star once he can get into the playoffs. But, Literally nothing has clicked since Jon Gruden left. Everyone thought the Bucs had a franchise QB when Josh Freeman went 10-6, but two years later they had Mike Glennon and Josh McCown and went 2-14 in 2014.

Never forget.


Jacksonville 27, Indianapolis 0 

Seeing that goose egg right there is one of the most satisfying stats from week 7. Something tell me whining about deflated footballs has REALLY worked out well for them in the long run. It’s also hilarious that they needed our third string scraps in order to have a quarterback with a functioning arm. Now, Brissett is throwing red zone picks and OT picks to lose them games. If you need any stat to prove how this Colts season is going, Blake fucking Bortles threw 330 yards in this game and had a passer rating of 124.7. To make matters worse, Leonard Fournette didn’t even play in this game. TJ Yeldon and Chris Ivory combined for 26 carries for 169 yards and 2 TD’s. Backup running backs and shitty QB’s have career games against the Colts – and we forget to point out this is the Jaguars.


Seattle 24, New York Giants 7:

I bet this wasn’t what CBS was expecting when they got Giants/Seahawks in a 4:00 game. This was probably the worst game of the weekend outside of the Titans/Browns – and that’s a REALLY low bar to clear. If you’re having trouble falling asleep lately, you should have put this game on DVR, that will do the trick. On a serious note, Eli just needs to retire. He can barely throw 200 yards now and he’s blowing a great defense that the Giants have. He’s just dead weight at this point.

As far as Seattle goes, they aren’t a dominate team anymore. That reign the “Legion of Boom” and all that dominance has washed over. Seattle is 4-2 right now, but they beat Indy, the Giants, and the 49ers. Those barely count as wins. They still have to play Atlanta, Philly, Washington, Houston, and Dallas. Wouldn’t surprise me if they went 2-5 in those games.

If you live outside of New England, god clearly hates you. Every single team that has crossed the Patriots in a negative manner has officially crashed and burned. Tom Brady is fucking 40 and he’s an MVP candidate. Those two Giants super bowls honestly don’t sting anymore. Especially when Brady gets his sixth, nobody will remember the Giants ever won a super bowl.

Miami 31, New York Jets 28:

The battle of the worst – and of course the Jets found a way to blow a 14 point lead and lose in OT. The best thing about this Jets team is that they won a string of games, which gave Jets fans hope. Then Brady came in, brought them back to earth, and now they are back to being the worst. Jay Cutler being under center is the best possible situation for any opposing team. Cutler gets hurt, and Matt Moore comes in and throws 2 TD passed in the final 12 minutes to bring Miami back. Then, Josh McCown was playing great, but he was due for his 4th quarter INT. He delivered, and threw a pick in the final minute which led to a game winning field goal by Miami. It’s way better to give Jets fans hope, then crush them in a matter of seconds.

Chargers 21, Denver 0:

The Denver Broncos are a bunch of frauds. I don’t know what to make of this team anymore. One thing is for sure, they have no chance of beating the Chiefs or the Patriots. It doesn’t matter how good the Broncos defense plays – if they have to be on the field all the time because they have shitty QB play, fatigue is a problem. They didn’t just lay a goose egg, they laid it against the fucking chargers.  The Broncos leading receiver was AJ Derby, if i’m not mistaken, the Patriots cut that guy quickly.

Every one of these Patriot enemies takes scraps from the Patriots hoping to get dirt or emulate, and it backfires. Nice. They have to play their next two games on the road in Kansas City, and then Philadelphia. Then they get a home game, but it’s against the Patriots. I don’t see any world where they win one of those games, if that’s the case – cross them off the Patriots hit list.

Rams 33, Cardinals 0:

I’m convinced the Rams are elite now. I’m not saying they will win the NFC or a super bowl, but it’s more probable than not that they win the NFC West. They still have to play the Seahawks, but that game occurs after Seattle has a brutal stretch of games. They have to play Atlanta, Houston, Jacksonville, and Philly before they play the Rams. Russell Wilson is going to be fresh meat to that DL and especially to Aaron Donald. As far as Arizona goes, they have to give the QB job to Drew Stanton now for likely the remainder of the season. Arizona says Carson Palmer will only miss 8 weeks, but Carson Palmer is a billion years old. Wouldn’t surprise me if he missed an additional two weeks. It’s probably time for Palmer to hang them up.

It also looks like Adrian Peterson came back to earth. That bandwagon filled up so fast in a span of two days, and it’s blowing up. But, when a team has more than a couple days to gameplan for a washed up running back – chances are they will prepare accordingly. Peterson took 11 carries for an astounding 21 yards. His first game was a huge outlier.


Eagles 34, Redskins 24:

I don’t want to be all in yet, but Carson Wentz looks like he could own the NFL in 3-4 years (depending on Tom Brady’s status). His run to start the 4th quarter was the David Tyree equivalent for QB’s:

But yet, the Skip Bayless’s of the world still insist Dak Prescott is the better QB because he made the playoffs. Ouch. The Eagles are absolutely legit and will probably win the NFC the way they are playing. Wentz has thrown 17 TD’s and only 4 INT’s so far this season and the Eagles are 6-1. On top of throwing 4 TD’s Wentz led the Eagles in rushing. The only teams that I can see challenging Philly are the Rams, Cowboys, and (maybe) the Seahawks. When I say challenge, I mean keeping the game within 10 points. I do not see any of those three teams beating Philly in the playoffs.




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2 Comment(s)
  • Kevin Lynch
    October 24, 2017 at 8:40 pm

    TB is fortunate that his mother pays the cable bill so he can watch the Numbnut Fucking Losers protest the National Anthem. Did she nuke pizza bites in the microwave for a halftime snack for you or were the animal crackers good enough?

  • TortugaNiño
    October 24, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    Cant help but notice the coverage hiatus you took when they lost those two games. I love TB but u cannot possibly fanboy any harder for brady, and if your as die hard a fan as u claim i would expect you to not be afraid to show your support when things are not all sunshine and rainbows. Missed oppurtunity to say “told ya so” at the very least, and we all know how much TB loves that.

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