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Turtleboy’s Top 11 Ghettoest Liquor Stores In Worcester

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Where do you go to buy booze in the Woo? Mass Liquors and State are Turtleboy’s two most common spots. But there’s a lot of packies in Worcester that you might not be as familiar with, unless you’re looking for some cold malt liquor to soothe what ails you. After all, Tracy Novick’s finest have to go somewhere to get their fill, and on that note we’ve decided to compile the official list of Turtleboy’s Top 11 Ghettoest Liquor Stores In Worcester.

11. Harrahy’s

Located on Ward Street in the lovely Vernon Hill neighborhood, in a part of the city where you’d only end up if you got lost, Harrahy’s has some major qualifications of a ghetto liquor store – 1) money orders, 2) a working pay phone, and 3) can redemption.

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10. Grafton Hill Package Store

Grafton Hill’s finest have to booze somewhere, and if they get priced out of Olympic Liquors or Plaza Liquors, there’s always Grafton Hill Package Store. With a name like that, you’re only going to attract he finest Worcester has to offer. It’s a great place to stock up before you next big Grafton Hill rap video!!!

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9. All-Star Liquors

A lot of All-Stars at this fine establishment on Lincoln Street. Who needs windows when you can just board up the windows with plywood instead?

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8. Belmont Liquors

Whether it’s blunt raps or Colt 45’s, there is a never ending supply of ghetto-fabulous vices available for rock bottom prices at Belmont Street Liquors. While you’re there take a slum sociable through Eastern Ave or Elizabeth Street and breathe in some of the beautiful culture that Worcester has to offer.

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7. McGovern’s Package Store

After a long day of panhandling at the Kelley Square 290 exit, Worcester’s titans of derelict deserve to treat themselves to a night cap. Or stop by in the morning, buy a liter of Poland Sering vodka, pound it, and go pleasure yourself under the Green Street tunnel instead. Whenever you decide to get blackout drunk, this is the place you want to stop first, located in the heart of gorgeous Green Island.

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6. Valley Liquors

You know you only attract the finest clientele when you have a giant Hennessey poster next to two bottle return machines and a barbed wire fence. Great Brook Valley has to get drunk somewhere and this is usually where they turn to.

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5. El Coqui

Back in the 90’s all you had to do was toss on a shirt and tie, walk into this place like you owned the joint, and buy yourself a nice frosty 30 pack of Natural Ice. I’m not sure if that’s still the case because I haven’t been here since turning 21. Located on Chandler Street, this is a great place to grab yourself some Olde English 800 in a brown paper bag and just see where the day takes you. Most likely it will bring you right back to El Coqui.

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4. Randell’s

Back in the 90’s this was the ultimate “hey mister” liquor store. And if you don’t know what a “hey mister” is, then you probably weren’t very much fun to hang out with in high school. The Canterbury Street area has a never ending supply of stumbling drunks who will buy you and all your friends all the booze you want, so long as they can keep the change.

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3. Main South Liquors

Unless you were looking for some cold Mad Dog 20/20 on a hot summer day, you’ve probably never stepped foot in this place. Located in the cultural district known as Main South, this place is everything you dreamed it would be and more!! After grabbing your medicine, feel free to walk around and explore historic Beacon Street and upper Main Street. It’s only a matter of time until your kid’s stolen bike blows by you with newly installed pegs on it!!

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2. Pennywise

You know you’re in a great neighborhood when the sign outside the store says “CHECK CASHING” on it. Seriously, the Pennywise has pretty much everything you can ask for in a ghetto liquor store – a laundromat, can redemption center, guys sleeping outside next to their shopping cars, money orders, and a place where you can pay your electric bill. Just don’t start trashing the place and attacking the cops when they come, because they will taze the shit out of you, and rightfully so.

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1. Kirsch

Obviously. What’s not to love? It’s got a functional payphone, check cashing, blunts, 40’s, Keno, Cisco, E&J, Hennessy, or whatever you could possibly need to start your ghetto fabulous day of walking around and not giving a fuck about anything!! If a car crashes into this place they WILL open the next day. That’s how dedicated they are to making sure you can get fucked up on a Tuesday afternoon.

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What did we miss?

 

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Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.

 

 

26 Comment(s)
  • Julie B
    October 24, 2015 at 5:20 am

    What about Gallagher’s Pub in Goldstar Blvd area? Place to go when you’re hungover and obviously need more drinks when you wake up but dont want to be seen by anyone you know. And you’re always the youngest one in there. Always.

  • Nanny
    October 23, 2015 at 5:49 pm

    These fine establishments are doing a vital service to their community. How dare you poo-poo the right to get shitfaced! These fine establishments do their part to assure the right to booze up is uninfringed by socio-economic-geographic-diversity upon which this nation was founded. God bless the right to get pissed. God bless America!

  • Chris
    October 23, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    What about One-Stop? Or was that the same as Pennywise, they just changed the sign?

  • loyalreader
    October 23, 2015 at 7:44 am

    Joe Petty has the face to be the clerk in every one of these establishments.

  • JayC
    October 23, 2015 at 5:15 am

    You could add Y&D as #12 to the list. A Grafton Hill rapper could quench their thirst for Hennessy and stumble across the street to grab greasy barely palatable food at Golden Pizza. A fine drinking and dining experience all around.

  • Common Sense Isn't So Common
    October 22, 2015 at 10:38 pm

    Pleasant cafe no fucking doubt worst dive bar!!

    • Jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
      October 22, 2015 at 11:02 pm

      Pleasant Café has the best crack dealers ever. I go there all the time, score, then I go on the computer and go to Turtleboy Sports and be the biggest douchebag that comes natural. I could actually be a douchebag without going to the Pleasant Café but I always like to be the biggest asshole that I can be. Call me an overachiever.

      • Jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
        October 22, 2015 at 11:04 pm

        Signed Jeffrey Neal

        • TurtleBoySpurts
          October 23, 2015 at 7:56 am

          In your best “third-grader” no less. I’m guessing that’s how old you were when the priest raped you. Explains your fascination with poopy sex. Are you a top or a bottom? I’m guessing, bottom.

          • mousy
            October 23, 2015 at 11:05 am

            Wow. You allegedly come here to protest the values of TBS, but you are pretty much the biggest bigot here. Homophobic much?

          • TurtleBoySpurts
            October 23, 2015 at 2:23 pm

            Aw, mousy, you’re the only one alleging I come here for that, old boy. And talking about gay sex doesn’t mean one is a homophobe, any more than talking about race means one is racist. That’s just silly Conservative bubble-speak you’ve got going on there.

  • Dat
    October 22, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    pakie Grafton hill

    dive bar: Hotel Vernon

    • BobnMic
      October 22, 2015 at 10:06 pm

      1. Pakie: Kirsh because of the newly revealed and very convenient drive through option and self serve feature,

      2. Dive: Hotel Vernon because I want to go downstairs and see that roaring 20s speakeasy that I hear is still there that Babe Ruth used to drink at.

      Boardwalk Empire fan.

  • TurtleBoySpurts
    October 22, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    Aww, censored by TBS. Did Mr. “Julio’s” call crying? What a fucking pussy.

    • Jeffrey Neal is a Giant Pussy and a Dangerous Person
      October 22, 2015 at 10:39 pm

      Hey Jiffy – Is there anyway possible that you could find the time in your busy schedule between reading Turtleboy Sports and reading more Turtleboy Sports to go fuck yourself?

  • Nikki
    October 22, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Can’t believe kelly square didn’t make the list 🙂

  • Nikki
    October 22, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Can’t believe kelly square didn’t make the list

  • juror seven
    October 22, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Are there no packies on the west side for this list? Pennywise has a wonderful sign around the corner on Main St. across from Hammond. Lists all services available. Every day I look up and there it is ,CASH WITH EBT CARD. Turtleboy send your crack photographer out to get a picture.

    • Smarty pants space
      October 22, 2015 at 7:12 pm

      Sighhh.. yes ebt cards hold snap benefits AND cash benefits in separate accounts on the same card. Pennywise will act as an ATM and give you your cash benefit.

  • titi ho
    October 22, 2015 at 4:49 pm

    Actually, the dive bar that used to be where Grafton hill package store is would have been number 1, and 50 ft away, the dive bar where Walgreens is now would be number 2, and the diamond inn across the street number 3.

  • BobnMic
    October 22, 2015 at 4:43 pm

    I’ll vote for Kirsh Liquors because recently they offer indoor parking and self-serve takeout…

  • Drunk and Sometimes Stupid
    October 22, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    ok ok ok ok hiccup ok. crest hickup I mean kirsh is the breast packie everrrrrrrrrr… becus they got the breast mad dog 20 20 in the hole worllllllldddd. hiccup. I could use a little crest hiccup. i’m voding fur Major petty in December. so thereeeeeeeeee.

  • Wabbitt
    wabbitt
    October 22, 2015 at 4:06 pm

    I feel like an alcoholic for knowing where all of these places are.

    Nice to see my old stomping grounds at number 11. When I was a kid I used to walk down there to buy my mother her newspaper. They used to have a myna bird in there yapping away.

  • Coffee Turtle
    October 22, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    My neighborhood packie comes in at 9. Right next to brooks pub.
    Knew hands down, kirsch would come out on top. That’s so ghetto.

    Top 10 dive bars needs to be done next. I vote for 3Gs.

    • GraftonHill
      October 22, 2015 at 3:35 pm

      The biggest Dive Bar in the city is Pleasant Cafe on Pleasant Street. Hands down.

      • Needles
        October 22, 2015 at 11:31 pm

        Uh clearly you’ve never been to Guertin’s Cafe

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