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The summer might be over, but things are just starting to heat up in Fitchburg……
That’s definitely gonna help property value. Let’s go to the tale of the tape.
More than likely this fight was either over who took the bigger half of the crack rock, or who would earn mating rights with Diego the friendly neighborhood fentanyl dealer. It starts off like any Fitchburg ghettobunny showdown would – with the mating rights hairpull:
Naturally neither of them elected to wear shoes because they enjoy the warm feeling of discarded hypodermic Fitchburg junkie needles against the soles of their feet.
Grimace McRatchet wisely decided to go topless for the rowdydown, assuming the mere sight of her champagne fupanova would scare her opponent away.
But she was wrong.
Initially she had the upperhand due to her 80 kilograms of girth advantage.
But Jennifer Hopez played it smart. She realized that gravity and science were not her friend, so she had to be nimble and tire out her opponent by playing hoodrat hide and go seek in the street…..
The crowd was clearly rooting for the underdog as could be heard by their chant, “Get that bitch. Get that bitch!!” But they had to keep an eye out for 5-0,
It appeared as if the section 8 sushi roll had the upper hand when she gave Jennifer Hopez the hoodrat helicopter into one of Fitchburg’s many vacant Main Street storefronts….
But what you couldn’t see in the tape were all the jabs Jennifer Hopez got in, which left the EBT-Rex bloodied and bruised….
Finally the guy in the wife beater who specializes in breaking up crackbunny fights on Main Street decided it was time to call the fight….
He took care of Jennifer Hopez while the guy in the Tommy Hillfigger shirt tried to calm down Jelly Rolls Royce. Unfortunately she wanted no part of the fight ending, and he wanted no part in the accidental contact with her layers of triglycerides.
Safe to say the winner was Jennifer Hopez, and she immediately celebrated by urinating on the sidewalk in order to establish her newfound territory. As for EBT-Rex, she’s moving onto Leominster to see if she if someone there is willing to exchange crack rock for lap sandwiches.