Does anyone remember the Church of End Times? It was this fake church run by these gypsy brothers out of their home in Uxbridge. It was basically a cult designed to steal money from dumbass 19 year old runaways. And it worked pretty well for the “Archangel” David Stanley and his #2 “half-breed” Dennis Stanley:
Sweet glorious Jesus. Those two are the most glorious creatures these eyes have ever seen. I mean, the dude has crucifix shows. Where do you even buy those? I can’t decide which one oozes machismo more. David on the left with his sweet vest and Dunkin Donuts ice water, or Dennis with his button downed shirt complete with overflowing hair chest. Eat your heart out ladies!!
Anyway, the church was also the same address as their business, “Driveway Corporations.” They had a solid grade of F from the better business bureau because they took your money and never did any work. Sometimes they would go door to door in places like Marlboro, asking people if they wanted their driveways paved, but you’re supposed to have a permit for that.
They had some really sick cars though:
And I love what it said on the side of the doors:
Call me. Personally. #69
Anyway, inside the church David Stanley was basically God. He went around northern Rhode Island and the Blackstone Valley looking for girls with loose morals who wanted to “find Jesus.” David was the self-proclaimed prophet and Dennis was the DJ. And this is the show they gave their legions of followers. It is one of the most epic videos ever uploaded to Youtube:
Good luck not having that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day. Of course it wouldn’t really be complete without the dancing:
And the plunge into the crowd of girls from Woonsocket with Daddy issues:
And you see those two kids sitting in the thrones behind him? One of them is his kid, and the other one is Dennis’ son. The kid on the right is named Garret Stanley, and it looks like he grew up to be exactly the dooshnozzle you thought he would be, and apparently looks to be taking over the family business:
Oh yea, and while this church was going on, they were pulling in chicks left and right. Just check out some of the testimonials from the Church of End Times Facebook page:
I’m telling ya, the Driveway paving/fake church racket is the way to go. I mean, some of these chicks are hot:
How’d you like to be that guy? “
Hey hunny, I went through this stage where I was a groupie for this gypsy in Uxbridge. I gave him a bunch of money and slept with him a million times. So where are we going out to dinner?”
Oh yea, and they also do exorcisms in case your body is inhabited by the devil:
Posted by The Church Of The End Times on Friday, September 7, 2012
That was some serious exorcism right there. If the devil wasn’t gonna come out this kid then David Stanley was gonna reach in there and pull him out.
The good times didn’t last forever though. Two girls were caught breaking into homes in Sutton. When they were arrested they listed the Church of End Times as their place of residence. Then the Stanley’s pissed off the neighbors because they were riding dirt bikes all around, setting off fireworks in the middle of the night, and there was a never ending parade of damaged 17 year olds streaming into and out of the house. Young Garrett Stanley also had a propensity to flash cash money everywhere and ride around doing tricks without a helmet on:
The problem with that is it can lead to this:
Don’t worry though, he vowed to continue to never wear a helmet:
Awesome parenting going on at the Church of End Times.
Oh yea, and they were both married. David’s wife seemed cool with it, but Dennis’ wife Beth didn’t like the fact that he was literally taking girls and bouncing them on his lap IN HER HOUSE, and bringing them to the point of orgasm. He also refused to let her sleep in their bed because he brought five or six girls to bed with him every night.
This happened in real life. In Uxbridge!!!
They had a pretty foolproof story if people ever complained:
“If I was against anything that they did I was demon possessed. You know, it was just so nuts,” said former member Beth Stanley.
It’s literally the Salem Witch trials. In Uxbridge. In 2012.
Eventually Beth Stanley got a restraining order against her husband. When they went to serve it Dennis refused to come out because he only recognized “God’s” authority. The girls in the house surrounded him and it was basically Ruby Ridge without guns. The standoff finally ended when David brokered a deal and he had his day in Uxbridge District Court.
Well, outside of the courthouse the groupies showed up and started doing shit to Dennis’ truck:
Bizarre, sexually-charged behavior played out right in front of FOX Undercover’s camera recently when some the female church members first left provocative notes on Dennis Stanley’s truck, then two of the women began rubbing their breasts and buttocks against the vehicle.
Fantastic. The best part was David’s explanation of the girls throwing themselves at Dennis:
“You realize Dennis is single. If I was single, I wish I could roll like that,” Stanley said.
“Were those church members?” Beaudet asked.
“Well, they were friends. Believe it or not, it’s nothing perverted. I know that seems hard to believe. But there is nothing. Dennis has never slept with any of the girls. It is all in fun. It really, really is. It is completely clean,” Stanley said.
Yup. Just friends. Just a bunch of horny 18 year olds in heat, rubbing their boobs all over your car in broad daylight outside of the courthouse for the cameras to see.
Dennis also denies that he had sex with the 6-8 girls who slept in his bed with him while he wife was forced to sleep on the couch:
“I’m friends with all the girls. We hang out — maybe give a massage; nothing sexual.”
Yea, no sex. Maybe a massage. Just a couple 18 year olds from Woonsocket who came here to give my hairy ass a massage.
Anyway, we thought of this all today because a Turtle Rider sent us this when he was driving down Route 16 in Douglas:
Someone apparently has drawn a penis at the point of climax, doing unspeakable things to the Driveways Corporation billboard. My question is, how is this billboard still there? And how awesome is that phone number – 1-877-24-7-PRAY? But seriously, is this just a free billboard the town of Douglas offers? We called all those phone numbers and none of them work anymore. Can anyone just put a billboard up on a major road like that and have it stay there indefinitely? Because that’s a pretty sweet deal if you ask me.
Anyway, I really wish these guys would come back, but it looks like the spirit of Christ no longer compels them. They no longer have a group of petitte horny women around them anymore. Dennis apparently has left his family for good and is breeding with this thing:
And David is still doing his thing as well:
Nevertheless, the legend of the Church of End Times lives on in the belt buckle:
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