Hoodrat Heroes

Video Of Lawful Arrest By Taunton PD Of Local Hoodbooger Leads To Outstanding Commentary From Ratchtacular Internet Lawyers And Jehovah’s Witnesses

Video Of Lawful Arrest By Taunton PD Of Local Hoodbooger Leads To Outstanding Commentary From Ratchtacular Internet Lawyers And Jehovah’s Witnesses

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.

 

 

 

One of my favorite ratchet past times is when some hoodbooger shares a video on Facebook, thinking that they’re “exposing” the cops or a school bus driver, but in actuality they’re just making themselves Internet famous for all the wrong reasons. That’s what this Turtleboy woke up to this morning when we watched this video at a home in Taunton in which a man named Ryan is arrested on warrants, and the fam is none too pleased:

So let me get this straight. The cops show up to her apartment in the projects with an arrest warrant out of Brockton for her boyfriend. She makes up the term “body warrant,” because apparently Kimmy Kim is an Internet lawyer who has determined that the cops must bring a physical copy of the warrant with them to arrest her latest sperm donor.

Then Ryan appears and tells the cops that he doesn’t have to go with them. Because hoodrat mentality dictates when a suspect can and cannot be arrested. And as was pointed out several times in that video, Ryan got into a car accident and his wrist has a boo-boo. Therefore he cannot be handcuffed. Yet he still miraculously had the power to violently resist arrest and refuse to put his hands behind his back before finally being dragged out of the rats nest he currently sleeps in.

I have no idea what Kimmy Kim’s real name is, nor do I know the last name of Ryan. But I’m willing to bet if I Google them the first thing that’s gonna come up are the courthouse records. And when that happens you might as well have a scarlet F tattooed on your tattooed on your head for “flaccid bag of penises.”

Anyway, this seems to be your typical Taunton love story. Two ratchets find each other. Take selfies, use a hoodrat Facebook filter,

flaunt the twins

take ghettofabulous middle finger selfies

and flaunt expensive looking jewelry in a vain attempt to show the world that you both are capable of maintaining legitimate employment.

Classic. Oh, and of course on her Facebook page you will find a litter of children. Because you’re limiting the amount of food stamps you can collect without a stable of children who are destined to grow up fatherless. Good thing they get to witness stuff like this on the regular.

The only thing better than the video itself was the brilliant commentary from the rest of the neighborhood Taunton Book Club, starting with Jessica Tucker:

It’s true. Having a warrant out for your arrest is not enough reason to arrest someone. Does this look like the kind of chick who DOESN’T know what she’s talking about?

With leggings like that you just know she’s won several Internet lawsuits in the past. Plus, she saved France from the terrorists:

 

Then there was BigGal Sav and Steph-Emma Keigan Santos de La Hoya, who had already begun filling out the paperwork for the massive civil lawsuit that will no doubt be delivered to the Taunton PD shortly:

BigGal Sav got her Internet law degree from the Salter School, so you know she’s not fucking around.

Neither is her co-counsel Steph-Emma Keigan Santos de La Hoya, who will make you want to settle the case with her deep, soulful looks:

I know that when I’m taking legal advice I always listen to the chick in leggings, sitting on Santa’s lap with a pack of Newports:

Plus, you know Steph-Emma Keigan Santos de La Hoya is legit since she can afford to take glamorous destination vacations to beaches all over the south shore’s post-industrial mid sized cities:

 

Then Jancie Hubbard, who turned out to be Ryan’s Momma, and whose section 8 apartment Ryan is currently staying in, told everyone how the cops were at fault for wanting to handcuff him:

Shocking that a winner like this would be living with his parents. He seems like he’s got life all figured out. Plus, criminals have the right to tell officers the manner in which they would prefer to be arrested. Everyone knows that.

Then she pointed out that this has been an ongoing issue with the Taunton PD:

If you ever find yourself in the position where you say that the cops are “stalking” you, it might be time to reevaluate your life choices. Just sayin.

Turns out Momma Ratchet is actually a Jehovah’s Witness:

Pretty sure they invented stalking and harassment, but what do I know? I just haven’t been introduced to the true lord. Hopefully when my doorbell gets fixed someone will show up unsolicited, and convince me that they have the answer to true salvation. Until then I’ll just prepare myself for the fires of Hell.

Then there’s the Harris sisters – Sabrina and Mo:

Oh look, they also have so many interactions with the Taunton Police that they feel like they know these particular officers personally. That’s normal. Sabrina brings up a good point though – these cops should really get a hobby. It’s not like it’s their job to arrest people with outstanding warrants. Like, get a life dude.

Turns out they are also Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Sabrina forces her child to lug around the “free literature” that everyone asked for as they go door to door saving souls:

 

 

Next up was Alicia Beard, who has has similar run-ins with Taunton PD:

“You sound like me yelling at them when they took in babygirls dad.” True that girl. I hate when that be happening. When the fuzz comes for baby girl’s dad you just gotta be yelling at them. Because that usually fixes things. This is a totally relatable scenario that plenty of normal people often find themselves in. Especially when they’re allowing a chudstuffer like this to go spelunking in their ratchet cave:

 

Joey Freitas believes the cops need more schooling so that they can be taught what their rights are:

 

Jovan Terrell and Ashley Dixon made their grand appearance and really elevated the level of conversation as well:

True that Javon!! Only a white person would be OK with a lawful arrest of such a law-abiding and upstanding individual. And if you don’t agree with that then Javon is whooping yo ass foo!!!

FACKS!!!

And with an ass that is essentially a hoodrat magnet, it’s shocking that Ashely Dixon would be drawn to winners like Jovan.

Does this look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t whoop yo ass for pointing out that his “I have court on Tuesday” chinstrap just screams, “She’s 16, but she’ll be 17 in September”?

With sexified poses like that you just know he means business.

And be warned – if you try to post any thing rational on that video, Ashley Dixon is roasting you with 100 emojis:

 

Finally Domunique Smith showed up and announced to the world that cops like this should be shot for doing their job:

And you know he means business because he used not one, not two, but three separate 100 emojis. FACKS!!

Domunique is an extremely busy man, who barely has time to ponder the really important issues going on in the world:

It’s true. I hate them wack ass hos who be dissin Henny. Everyone knows that Henny was not “soooo last year.” Henny is now and always will be the official nectar of the urban hoodrat.

Plus, he graduated from Taunton High School months before his 24th birthday, so you know he’s wicked smart:

Anyway, we reached out to Kimmy Kim for comment but no response. We’d love to know her real name though, and her baby daddy’s as well. Because I’m sure the rabbit hole for these two winners will lead us to magical places.

 

We urge you to support the following local businesses. 

Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-8-36-43-pm

4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

12 Comment(s)
  • Unreal
    August 19, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    People need to keep their facebook pages private. Sheeessh.

  • Dimples
    August 4, 2017 at 3:15 pm

    You know that ass is riddled with cottage cheese under those stretch pants. Yum! Barf!

  • Sonny's Mom
    July 28, 2017 at 11:44 am

    Far as I can figure out, a “body warrant” permits a body cavity search. But who know, I might be mistaken.

  • I like big butts and I cannot lie
    July 27, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    I’d like to know where I can meet Ashley Dixon? That ass is spectacular!

    • The 90s
      July 28, 2017 at 2:09 pm

      Even white boys got to shout!

  • Tim
    July 27, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    Great rack tho

  • Protein Monster
    July 27, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    The twins could use a nice coating or two of protein

  • Publius
    July 27, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    Hilarious post. Ghetto people are hilarious, they work so hard at it. We were never this funny in the three deckers back in the day. Oh wait even poor we had respect.

  • Mooch
    July 27, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    No fancy jewelry there! I got the same one on clearance at Kohl’s for like $3 but she does got herself an iPhone. That was a strange statement when the cop said he would use her phone as evidence. Of course, if the dude would have just gone quietly and did what the POs asked there wouldn’t be a video! Always the victim! Thanks for the always entertaining video. What a pathetic life.

  • John
    July 27, 2017 at 11:42 am

    Imagine dealing with this low life on a daily basis ?

  • Stunt Pennie
    July 27, 2017 at 11:18 am

    Holy shit that’s a huge ass Ashley. You need pair of yoga pants that say “JUICY” on the ass to wear!

    • JoeMomma
      July 27, 2017 at 12:02 pm

      And you could rent those pants out, I hear the Big Apple Circus needs a new tent.

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It