Warwick Sumo Ratchet Mom and Skank Spawn In Cookie Monster Shirt Blitz Attack Attic Stripper Twice For Giving Shriveled Old Dad a Lap Dance In Bed
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
This one took some work, but once I saw this video—poignantly titled “Nikki Fights a Nasty Stripper”—I just had to break out the PI skills and track down the ratchet stars in this segment of Hoedown Showdown: Rhode Island.
The cookie monster shirt was the icing on the ratchet pie.
C is for cunty and it’s good enough for me, ohhhhhhh cunty, cunty, cunty starts with C!!
Obviously this was a preplanned outbreak of ratchet mischief since the camera is already stationed for optimal viewing. Not even three seconds in and Cookie Monster is ready to rumble. I call her style the Walmart-on-a-Tuesday look. It’s not the traditional pajama pants, but the Cookie Monster tee is still a ballsy fashion choice. Clearly this Sesame St fashionista doesn’t give a fuck and is only here for battle.
I’m a little disappointed in her sportsmanship though. She goes straight for the sneak shots and doesn’t even let Strippy put her oversized Vicky’s bag down. That’s cheap. I don’t care who gave who a lap dance, there’s still a moral code in the hood.
Personally, I’m most interested in the identify of Cookie Mon so I can get the 411 on the whereabouts of those sweet shirts.
Her name is Nicolette Plunkett, she is a mother, or as she describes herself – one crazy lovable bitch.
Upon first viewing you may assume Nikki is fighting Strippy McGee over her own bae and baby daddy, Ralph. He makes a brief cameo as referee.
He really tickled my lady parts, so I could see why two women would be fighting over him. I think his parents probably came from the same womb.
Batter? Like cake batter with sprinkles? Sign me up, Ralphy, I get you.
Trouble in ratchet relationship paradise? Looks like no one wants to jump on that loopy eyed train.
What. A. Catch.
Turns out rabid ratchet was fighting this unidentified lady of the pole because she was giving a lap dance to her FATHER. Perfectly normal.
I really hope this chick got paid a boatload of cash. She denies the lap dance, but admits to lying in bed with him, which is something that most people can relate to. Who wouldn’t want to lay in the same bed with this wrinkly old walking ball sack?
I guess when you’re a stripper you don’t say no to cash-money, even when they’re attached to the meth lab crypt keeper.
So baby ratchet is apparently trying to defend the honor of her booze bear Mom, from this stripper who apparently gave her Dad a lap dance in bed. And Momma ratch is a straight up beauty. She looks like she’s been hitting the bottle since birth. And the bottle hit back. HARD.
She takes on a starring role in Part 2 of this Hoedown. Mom goes full on gorilla rage and attacks Strippy where she’s apparently living in the attic like a gremlin. Because, why wouldn’t she be living in the attic of this home that they all apparently share together?
Yea, so this is basically the Brady Bunch on crack.
Mom wakes up the sleeping stripper in attic who may or may not have given a breakfast and head to her husband. LOL “husband.” Mom starts punching the sleeping stripper. Stripper instinctively wakes up and slams Momma Ratch to the ground. Daughter then stomps stripper’s face. At this point the boyfriend Ralph comes up to break it up, or as he puts it, “let your Mom do it.” And of course Ralph gave us a little show while he was at it.
Just like her tramperoo daughter, Mom is all about the cheap shots and starts whaling on the poor girl as she’s sleeping. Then baby ratchet starts stomping her head. Apparently cheap shots run in the family.
I don’t even know what I would do if I woke up and saw this sumo-beast coming at me:
If that pic isn’t one for the spank bank, I don’t know what is. The tittoo on the flapjack really completes it.
Holy fuck those crazy eyes are going to give me nightmares.
Here’s the happy couple in better times.
Ah middle-aged heroin addict love. It doesn’t get any sweeter than that. If you squint real hard they actually look like an attractive couple. Nah, just kidding.
Mamabear is pissed. I might be too if I put some sewer rat’s name on my tit and he got frisky with a younger pre-track-marks-between-the-toes model. Sumoskank mom is an upstanding citizen with no lingering resentment against the DCF. Except that heroin and prescription pill arrest.
And those numerous issues with DCF.
And based on that video, she’s obviously done a tremendous job parenting. Because lots of normal Moms beat up the stripper living their attic while she’s sleeping.
DCF doesn’t investigate for fun. They do it because they actually care about the wellbeing of the children you can’t stop conceiving between jabbing a needle in your arm and stomping chicks your husband pays for physical contact. I mean she did a fantastic parenting job. When one of your skank spawn gets off on filming a cheap ass ghetto fight, pat yourself on the back, you’ve done your best.
I think the real victim here is the stripper. First she had the misfortune of letting grey pubes daddy cop a feel, then she’s getting her ass beat by baby tramp and mama ratch in the cheapest fight I’ve seen. I don’t know who she is, or how she ended up living in this house, but the craziest part is that she doesn’t seem like she has any intention of leaving. Welcome to Rhode Island.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.