Hoodrat Heroes

Washed Up Gangsta Henry Pills Said He’s Coming On Live Tonight, Said He’s Bringing His Muslim Friends On To Prove He’s Not Racist, Then Called Gupta Patel A Moulinyan And Said He’s Above It

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Turtleboy Live is back tonight at 10 PM on the Clarence Woods Emerson Facebook page, sponsored by our good friends at Garage Doors Plus in Quincy. Like them on Facebook to support the turtle.

Joining Uncle Turtleboy and Bret Killoran will be Matty Mo, and obviously we have a lot to talk about. Here’s the agenda….

Now, keep in mind, geriatric washed wannabe gangsta Robert Ciampi, AKA Henry Pills, vowed to come on the program tonight to explain why he’s not a racist despite calling for a KKK revival in Massachusetts.

But then he started changing his tune, saying that he wanted to meet up face to face first to talk “man to man.” We told him no dice, so then he said he’d go live if we called his restaurant where he would be with “20 of my friends coming and then Muslims are African Americans is Spanish so let’s see who the racist is it’s not me my friend so when you have that punk girl and all your fake makeup believes not one of them will give their real name…..”

Something, something, something. Not quite sure what any of that means, but it sounds like he’s calling up some of his imaginary token multicultural friends so he can prove that he’s woke like that.

Then he started telling Clarence to come down to his store to talk with him and his union thugs….

Or was he threatening our union thugs? Hard to tell.

Then he just ranted some more…..

Next thing you know he’s telling Clarence he’s gonna make a man out of him….


Then finally he said he was somehow above coming on our show, because we’d be using him since he’s famous and we’re not….

Meanwhile his page continues to be like a bootleg episode of The Sopranos. Especially when Wanda showed up….

“He might not make it out alive.”

These people think they are living in a bad mob movie. It’s fantastic people watching. This is what we’re dealing with….

The athletic ware, the virgin Mary in the background so they can pretend they’re religious, the haircuts…cliche city dodge.

Newsflash – no one’s scared of you greased up douchebags acting like mobsters. You’re heroin dealers. That’s it. And mobsters have hot wives, not the day shift employees at Sweaty Betty’s….

According to Wanda we’re gonna end up in the river….

Hey Wanda, you’re a wannabe mobster’s sidepiece. Your job is to get cheated on, maintain the household, and never talk back to your geriatric Guido. You don’t get to threaten to throw people in the river.

His boy Chico has connects with Salem PD who are gonna get the dirt on Turtleboy….

Here’s what you’re gonna find – an article written by a parody page called “Turtleboy Sporks” with some unsubstantiated stuff about sexually harassing high school girls. There, I saved you 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, Robert is still insisting how he’s going to prove to everyone that he’s not a huge racist:

And a good way to do that is to call Gupta Patel a “moullinyan”:

Actually that was his prison boy toy Danny D, AKA TJ Facks. But what better way to show the world you’re not an old Italian racist than by using the word Tony Soprano used to call every black guy that tried getting in Meadow’s pants? Seriously? Moulinyan? Try harder to be the walking stereotype you always wished you could be but never could. At the end of the day you run a shitty BYOB restaurant in East Boston, you went to jail for 5 years because you were the mob’s errand boy who got bagged delivering heroin from point A to point B, and you’re too chicken shit scared to come on the show.

Will he come on tonight? Doesn’t matter, because we’re calling him anyway. See you at 10 turtle riders.

12 Comment(s)
  • vee
    August 24, 2018 at 7:41 pm


    it is never the end of the world. I repeated the test in a well-known hospital. But, it came back positive again. Early this year i purchase Hepatitis B herbal remedy online from BEST HEALTH HERBAL CENTRE. They told me i will be negative after 4-5 weeks of usage of their Hepatitis B herbal remedy, which i believed and have faith. After 5 weeks of usage, I did another test my HBsAg came negative in routine checkup, so I have done all investigations for hepatitis B. My test reports are HBsAg negative 0.04 on 22/02/2018. I will never stop telling the world about BEST HEALTH HERBAL CENTRE good work in human life .

  • RITA
    August 2, 2018 at 4:09 am


    I was diagnosed with hepatitis b two years ago by the Department of Veteran affairs. I experience several symptoms that come and go after a couple of days. Early this year the symptoms came up again and I started Lamivudine, which didn’t help, So I decided to try natural supplements. Three months ago I ordered two bottles of hepatitis b herbal remedy from Best Health Herbal Centre, which I only used for six weeks and the result was extremely marvellous, all symptoms was terminated and my hepatitis b was completely reversed. Thanks to Best Health Herbal Centre, I will never stop sharing my testimony till the whole world know about this wonderful hepatitis b herbal remedy and Am so happy to see myself living hepatitis b negative.

  • LocalYokel
    July 30, 2018 at 11:17 am

    Maybe Henry Pill should take a look at a map someday…its as far from the west end of Sicily to Africa as it from the east end to Italy. See also the great Christopher Walken/Dennis Hopper scene in True Romance.

  • Turtle Rider
    July 29, 2018 at 10:59 am


  • Casino
    July 28, 2018 at 5:27 pm

    [about to have sex in a car behind his restaurant]
    Robert “ Nicky Santoro” Ciampi:

    “I fly stuff in fresh every day. I get bread from back home, I get fish from California, and you can always tell a great kitchen like ours ’cause of the milk-fed veal. That’s the secret. See milk-fed veal is pure white. Out here, they got that pink veal. Slide over, honey. Now pink veal, you can pound that shit for two days, and it’ll never ever get tender, you know what I mean?”

  • Jimmy the Greek
    July 28, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    What’s the over/under this guy loses it and starts attacking everybody at the station right before his sidekick busts in and helps him?

    • Jim
      July 28, 2018 at 5:43 pm

      Go armed

  • The Mooch.
    July 28, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    The Mooch thinks ol’ Bobby the Baby Diddler here has zero balls, was no doubt a snitch, and I’d be willing to bet hard capital that he’s had his manhole spelunked by his buddy TJ more than once. Wanda? I wouldn’t cast that roast-beef-labia-flapping-in-the-wind in a snuff film.

    And hey Chico Luti–you’re the type of closet case that’ll get busted in a public restroom with a cock in your mouth. What’s it like to use your “connections” to your cousin as a substitute for what you lack in dick size? You’re a fanook, and an insecure one at that.

  • Tony Orlando and the Lunch Lady.
    July 28, 2018 at 2:29 pm

    Mr. Mobster isn’t too smart, had he ignored the blog the story would already be forgotten besides who showed him how to use the internet show. The collection of douche bag tough guy wannabees hanging around his store must be amazing. The wife talking about “da river” you gonna end up in da riva with bolders (what river? do you even understand what you’re saying? ugly and stupid). Cops should wait for the entire crew to assemble then go in and arrest every one of them for aggravated stereotyping.

  • The angry taint
    The angry taint
    July 28, 2018 at 1:49 pm

    This is shaping up to be one hell of a show…..gold jerry… gold!

  • JJ
    July 28, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    I think you missed the boat on his liquor license. The whole reason for the BYOB arrangements is because they DONT have a liquor license.

  • Y
    July 28, 2018 at 1:19 pm

    As an Italian, I vote to move Robert “The Shrimp” Scampi to the North Korean Team. We don’t want him.

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