Hoodrat Heroes

West Warwick Wooly Slammoth and Sex Offender Sally Boyfriend Want To Give Your Children Free Fixed Up Bicycles, Nothing Suspicious Here At All.

I try to live my life by a few simple rules. First and foremost is to never drink the water in Tijuana. A close second is that if something sounds too good to be true, it usually is.

Earlier today I came across this post on the Wonderfully Majestic West Warwick, RI Facebook group. If you’re unfamiliar with that town, it’s a wonderfully dysfunctional section of that state, situated between Warwick and Coventry. It might actually be a part of Warwick itself, but I honestly don’t know and don’t care enough to check.


I must admit, this is a pretty cool idea and a nice gesture. It softened my shell for second. A few people quickly jumped in and offered to donate:


Well this had all the beginnings of a feel good story. Unfortunately, this is West Warwick we’re talking about. The Admin of this page began asking questions and shortly after, this post appeared.


!Dios mio! Nothing changes the tone of children’s bike giveaway quite like a sex offender registration.


Doesn’t seem to bother Mark all that much, though. Seems like a fine choice of sperm donors to inseminate you 6 months after meeting.

I’m sure he will make a great dad. Just ask his last two baby mamas:


The ideal mate for a tittooed EBTpotomus, for sure.



That is the face of a woman who looks a registered sex offender hoodbooger up and down, and says to herself, “This is the man I want to make me a single mother, sex crimes be damned.”

Naturally, the dindonuffin brigade showed up to offer up their very reasonable explanations as to why their boy Mark is like, totally a good guy, you guys.


Sometimes it’s best to just say nothing at all. This is one of those times if ever there were one.



Yeah, Sam seems great, she picked up a brand new sex offender daddy for her kids. Real classy doll.

I’d like to take a moment to emphasize that these are unconfirmed theories and stories. If it happened when he was a minor, it would make sense why it doesn’t appear on the RI criminal record search, since juvenile records are sealed. One fact remains through it all, though:


“Sexual Violent Predator”


Real good choice to raise your kids with, homegirl. Mother of the year everybody!


As expected, the comments were swift and mixed:


Only God can judge!!! 100 emoji!


You know who else can judge? The State of Rhode Island, and they’ve judged Mark a ton.


He started early in life, with a charge of Minor Transporting Alcohol:

Then came driving with an expired or suspended license:


Larceny and shoplifting:

Domestic Vandalism and Disorderly Conduct:


And violating a no contact order:


…among other charges.


No amount of free bikes in the world will make this douchecanoe less of a scumbag, despite what the “free muh boi” banditos might say. End of story.



Oh good god, Stephanie. Words don’t kill people. No mater what the Michelle Carter jury said, no one can MAKE someone else do something with just words. And who is really going to cry tears of sorrow over a violent sexual predator career criminal with hurt internet feelings? Not I. Free children’s bicycles from these two of Warwick’s finest?



The bottom line here is simple. If someone on a community page is looking for something for free, there is a better than average chance that their running some kind of scam. Maybe they’re sincerely trying to help and do something positive. Maybe Mark’s sexual offender status really is an unfortunate mix up and maybe it has nothing to do with a minor. But I wouldn’t chance the potential ulterior motives here, were it my crotch fruit.


There is only one thing about this story that is absolutely certain:

We got you, Megan.

35 Comment(s)
  • Z
    July 31, 2019 at 7:45 am

    can someone say DCYF ?

  • Nick
    July 29, 2019 at 1:58 pm


  • Judge dread
    June 16, 2019 at 8:03 pm

    Both of these individuals and predators should be exported to North Korea or China for organ harvesting. If the Asian organ traders do the whole thumbs down thing, then make them poke holes for their concentration camps.

    • Judge dread
      June 16, 2019 at 8:23 pm

      I would even say send them to Sudan so they can get weaponized AIDS/HIV (aka high 5). Once the holes aren’t tight enough, dump them into international waters or send them to another muzzle shithole. I’m sure the inbreed muzzies will love their stretch out assholes and what not.

  • xenonman
    June 15, 2019 at 1:03 pm

    I was able to get a registered sex offender in WI kicked out of MeetUp, when no one else that I knew was willing to lift a finger about him and his continuing sex-related misbehavior.

  • Ashlee
    June 13, 2019 at 11:48 pm

    Turtle boy! How could you forget to include that the last time mark tried selling or doing anything on line he beat the shit out of a 15 year old for sneakers!

    • Turtle Tryout
      June 14, 2019 at 12:41 pm

      Oh man, I wish I knew that before I wrote the blog! I’ve gotten a few messages about them after the fact. I think we can all agree they’re scummy people!

  • Robb
    June 13, 2019 at 5:29 pm

    Fuck! There’s no shortage of shit-heels out there. Between your site, YT, twitter, etc.. I’m more thankful each and every day that I was raised properly. So easy to get to the other side of the line..

    • Hartford
      July 29, 2019 at 2:05 pm

      Section 8 trash

  • Small World RI
    June 13, 2019 at 12:47 pm

    I thought it was bad that Kayla Osenkowski chick admitted to being related to the Almstroms, now she’s claiming a predator as a friend. Guess the criminal breed sticks together. Winners.

    • Who knows
      June 14, 2019 at 4:06 pm

      She also forgot to mention that she buys sams soboxens and her man buys sams sons adderal. Mind you sam is pregnant with marks kid. Samantha smokes mad weed infront of her son already. They are a match made in heaven.

  • George Zimmerman
    June 12, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    That tub of jelly should aim a little higher than this boy scout touching sicko. Even a black dude would just abandon the kid rather than diddle it like this fucking asshole

  • Randy Randerson
    June 12, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    Problem is fat, ugly chicks are relegated to scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to finding a dude. Fatties like this cunt are not gonna hook up with respectable dudes because, hell, take a look at her. A face that screams ugly, weighing in at 300 plus with visible tattoos on her nasty titties. Dudes like this shithead are the only dudes she stands any chance with.

    On another note, if you want to see just how much of a shithole West Warwick is, watch Live P.D. They cover the police in that dump and WOW!!! That place is filled with hood boogers and shitheads!!!

    • JoeMomma
      June 13, 2019 at 6:48 pm

      Actually, LivePD followed the Warwick Police, West Warwick makes Warwick look like Beverly Hills.

      • Randy Randerson
        June 13, 2019 at 7:25 pm

        Ahh, got it. Thanks for the correction.

  • Good Job Turtle Tryout
    June 12, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Good job on the article! It was important material but there were some lines that definitely had me laughing. If it weren’t for your signature I wouldn’t have known you were not a normal tbs writer.

    You know what gets me about these child predator cases is that they are always using the computer as a way to lure children. We need to pass legislation where these predators cannot use computers. I know, I know first amendment right? I say the First Amendment has to take a back seat in this case because guess what? If you can lose your right to vote or carry a firearm for being just a regular felon not a child predator, then you have to lose some First Amendment rights under a balancing act in order to protect the community from these Skinners.

    • Turtle Tryout
      June 12, 2019 at 8:45 pm

      Thanks for the feedback!

      In regards to the second half of your comment, usually convicted sex offenders aren’t allowed to use the computer or access the internet in any way for the duration of their parole or probation. I don’t know what the rule is after the probation ends. However, registered sex offenders are not allowed to have Facebook accounts, per their user agreement. You can actually report a sex offenders Facebook page.

  • Keep talk it tickles
    June 12, 2019 at 4:58 pm

    Yeah all we need is more of these children with no discipline, respect for authority or knowledge of traffic laws and disregard for their own mortality riding around on bikes. Shitheads if your reading this if I hit your moron kid I’m gonna sue the shit out of you and take dumps on your street corner memorial until you take it down. All those candles mean is that you were a shitty parent. And this article suck feces.

    • Fred Knessl
      June 12, 2019 at 7:13 pm

      So… you liked it?

  • Rockets Redglare
    June 12, 2019 at 4:28 pm

    This TB tryout was a success!

  • MrSmiley
    June 12, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    What I’ll never understand…. Is every time a ripper or diddler gets a picture taken they’re smiling?? How far has society fallen where these soul sucking shitbags smile on their way through the legal system!?!? Every step should be painful and embarassing and that’s being extremely polite.

  • z
    June 12, 2019 at 3:12 pm

    If he’s trying to make amends, donate the bikes to the Salvation Army or something. They’ll take them and he’ll get personal karma points for trying to do the right thing.

    The end result is the same but the transaction has a middle man.

    But, continuing the google trophies until the recent past makes that suspect.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      June 13, 2019 at 2:05 am

      Yes, because people in organised religions would never sexually assault a child.

      Oh, wait…….

      • z
        June 13, 2019 at 8:17 am

        It was an example.

        The point was, there are charitable organizations that you could donate through so your reasons for donating are met without you interacting with the recipient.

        • dowen0895
          Dick Scratcher
          June 13, 2019 at 10:51 am

          I agree with your point in principle.

          But let’s not let Catholic priest deliver bicycles to small children, eh?

          Leave to charities that haven’t got a history of sodomising choirboys.

  • wiseman
    June 12, 2019 at 3:10 pm

    maybe the girlfriend didn’t know. he dang sure didn’t register.

  • Massholio
    June 12, 2019 at 3:00 pm

    I actually had to go to West Warwick once. In downtown people are shouting at each other from open second story windows. Skeevy people filling the sidewalks. It was like Little Italy on crack. Like WTF?

  • Well, No Shit
    June 12, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    How do women get to the point where douchebag ex-convicts seem like an appealing option?

    Have their lives gone so wrong, or is their self-esteem so low, they the believe that ex-cons are the best that they can do?

    I actually feel kind of bad for these emotionally damaged women, and I definitely feel bad for their kids. They really get the shitty end of the stick, because they can’t choose who mommy brings home.

  • Mr. Dolan
    June 12, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    I need a new stepdaughter to go along with that bicycle

    June 12, 2019 at 2:21 pm

    Come he can’t be all that bad, No flat brimmed chi town hat….

  • Chip Striker
    June 12, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Dogs get euthanized for less.

  • Christopher Lettiere
    June 12, 2019 at 2:00 pm

    There is ZERO incentive to work these days, even when unemployment is at a 50 year low. Why work when you can pump out kids and get free benefits up the wahzoo, courtesy of the generous Democrats?
    You want benefits? Great, then pass a drug test and do community service.

  • Gash Basher
    June 12, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    At what point can these people be executed? This kid diddler has contributed 0 to society and keeps having kids that will live off the state their entire lives. All sex offenders should be required to have their dicks cut off at the very least

  • hartf811
    June 12, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    IF these fat chicks with no greater talent than tittoos and popping out kids for EBT money would stop financing their Thuglife Baby Daddies, Taxpayers would see great savings.

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