White Power Woody Wanker Convinces The Agawam Police He Was “Hacked” Before Writing Threatening Racist Posts On Facebook


Yesterday we published a blog about some racist chud from the West Springfield/Agawam area who was threatening to shoot black and Puetro Rican people in a series of Facebook posts.

All of a sudden today Turtleboy became the most widely read blog from Holyoke to the Bronx, because half the Puerto Ricans north of New Jersey ended up sharing the blog on Facebook. And they are NOT happy with this douchequeef.

Well, the West Springfield and Agawam Police must’ve gotten flooded with phone calls because they both issued a press release about it today on Facebook. The WSPD made it clear that he was Agawam’s problem.

One woman, who more than likely wanted to name her first born son Kaiden and calls him “my king,” blamed us for trying to ruin people’s lives.

I just assume when I see that that they were previously featured in a blog.

The Agawam Police on the other hand took a different route:

You can’t possibly be serious. Look, I respect the police, I really do. But if they fell for the ol’ “I was hacked” routine, they should probably start hiring some officers under the age of 35. The memes on that post are amazing, and I urge you to read them all.

I’m just honestly flabbergasted that the cops went to his house to ask him about this, and all he had to say was “I was hacked” before being fully exonerated. Uncle Turtleboy should try that the next time he gets sued.

Newsflash – “I was hacked” isn’t a real thing. It’s just something young people say to older people who don’t know how the Internet works when they get caught doing something bad online. No one really gets hacked. There are not an army of Chinese 12 year olds trying to frame random dudes from Agawam. Additionally, he made the first post, then commented on it, THEN REMOVED IT, and posted something racist again. Hackers don’t do that. Obviously.

He posted this shortly afterwards:

See, now we know the Agawam Police fell for some bullshit. The cops can’t just call up Facebook and get an IP address on who made a Facebook post. That’s now any of this works. I’m embarrassed that this has to be explained. But any LEO who has ever dealt with these tech companies knows how long and tiring it is to get information from them. Facebook has no phone number, and LEO’s who want information from them usually have to get a court order. That doesn’t happen in one day. Let’s suppose they did give an IP address of the person who posted it. Who was it? Nah, that’s one too many questions to ask for a Friday I suppose.

Here’s my question – did he even have to show them any evidence? Or do they just hear the word “hacked” and think, “That’s way over my head, I just learned how to write an email last week.” If he really was “hacked” then it means a friend logged into his account and wrote that stuff, which still constitutes a threat. So who is the friend? The police should probably ask questions like this instead of blindly taking the word over a guy who looks like the water pressure in his shower is worse than Cosmo Kramer’s.



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47 Comment(s)
  • Metro West Guy
    June 2, 2019 at 8:57 am

    His eyebrows look pretty.

  • Screw Snowflakes
    June 2, 2019 at 6:57 am

    ummm……..I “got” nothing….

  • Francis Sidebottom
    June 1, 2019 at 8:29 pm

    Hey uncle turtle turd obviously you do not understand that in United states people are innocent until proven guilty not the other way around you fucking moron

    • randall fagman
      June 1, 2019 at 11:55 pm

      you tell em, bitchtits

  • George Clooney
    June 1, 2019 at 7:31 pm

    Hey this guy stole my hair cut from 1995!

  • Mrt&a
    June 1, 2019 at 4:34 pm

    If you’re living at the same address for 5 years or more, and have had internet access there, your easy to trace to a physical address even if you run Tor or any other network.

    • Gerardo Velez
      June 1, 2019 at 7:29 pm

      I’m from Puerto Rico I’m proud u fucking with the wrong people with respect but trust me with not no puck like u go to Puertorican club with that n u will see what happened puck ass

      • menstruL
        June 1, 2019 at 9:17 pm

        your papa is gay.

      • randall fagman
        June 2, 2019 at 12:01 am

        proud to be puerto rican? More than one-third of the population in Puerto Rico is now on food stamps. American taxpayers are now handing out more than $2 billion each year to residents of Puerto Rico – most of it in cash. Since the food stamps are forked over in cash form, it is impossible to know if the hard-earned taxpayer funds are actually even being used to provide food for the poor.

  • ???
    June 1, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Its very possible someone did fuck with his phone or account. Are they any past occurences to this sort of thinking being expressed on his social medias prior to this?

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      June 1, 2019 at 3:09 pm

      Take a hike Billy

  • Tom Blackburn
    June 1, 2019 at 12:12 pm

    kirkmin just announced on Barstool that he wants Bernie Sanders to slap his cock across his face! LIBERAL SCUM!

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      June 1, 2019 at 3:11 pm

      Can you imagine what Bernie’s dick looks like? At his age all shrivelled up and probably infected from STDs by hippie chicks he boffed in the 60’s?

      The image scares me

    • Plentyswords
      June 1, 2019 at 5:54 pm

      You should blow him. Homo.

      • kirkmin
        June 1, 2019 at 8:49 pm

        I’d love it! I’m a liberal extremist stoolie now, and we love fagging out! Cock fags, give me that cum!!! Bernie 2020!

  • Frank Rizzo
    June 1, 2019 at 8:51 am

    The haircut and beardcut, this kid’s a fukkin’ homo

  • Barry
    June 1, 2019 at 8:46 am

    I’ll translate: We know goddamn well that he wasn’t hacked but nobody got hurt. He knows that he screwed up and he won’t do it again. This is an easy out so unless you want us wasting time and money thus incurring unnecessary expense and making the community less safe just let it drop.

  • NM
    June 1, 2019 at 1:09 am

    The police investigation proved his account was hacked. You should take down the post.

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      June 1, 2019 at 8:32 am

      More importantly, you should fuck right off.

  • Vagina Beard
    May 31, 2019 at 11:46 pm

    I was too distracted by this derelict’s beard to even read the story. Was that pubic beard transplanted from a donor’s vagina?

  • Mom’s Basement
    May 31, 2019 at 11:17 pm

    If I were him I would stick with getting hacked. I’d go straight Costanza on it. I’d repeat it to myself all day long. And I’d change up my look.

  • Michael Johnson
    True justice
    May 31, 2019 at 11:09 pm

    The Russians did it

  • grandma
    May 31, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    this guy breezes thru life because of his looks. lucky sob.

  • Angry Ex
    May 31, 2019 at 10:01 pm

    My money is on his ex

  • Chip Striker
    May 31, 2019 at 9:47 pm

    I agree cops know he wasn’t hacked but went with it to calm the masses..They arrest him, not even sure they can, that might make it worse, not like they can hold him..Just be a matter of time.

  • Dont tell the truth or you will be racist
    May 31, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    Everyday third world animals kill and assault whites and the fake media says pice are looking for a man. Example the Somerville bank robbery suspect wasnt just a man he was a third world hispanic man. Black and brown crime on whites is at epidemic proprtions

    • Y
      June 3, 2019 at 1:09 pm

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    May 31, 2019 at 7:17 pm

    Herman Munster wants the top of his head back

  • Walt Ostrander
    May 31, 2019 at 6:52 pm

    Another reason I hate being white. I hope this guy gets bang banged by a large group of POC’s in the prison they have all been wrongfully sentenced to time in. Fuck white people and fuck the police

    • fedclub
      May 31, 2019 at 6:55 pm

      You want him to get gang ganged? nuttin like a good ganggang.

      • Captain Trips
        Bam Bam RUBBLE
        May 31, 2019 at 7:19 pm

        After being bang banged!

        • Walt Ostrander
          May 31, 2019 at 10:38 pm

          “Gang” is a term used to marginalize POC’s. I refuse to use it

          • All my posts are satire
            June 1, 2019 at 12:26 am

            Walt if you get a chance, you should kill yourself.

    • Crystal Laviolette
      June 1, 2019 at 1:35 am

      Aaaand Fuck Walr Ostrander. There.

    • randall fagman
      June 1, 2019 at 7:31 am

      Hi Randall, you fucking idiot

    • Turtle Rider
      June 1, 2019 at 12:14 pm

      Well I hate blacks so looks like we’re even. Fear the turtle you fucking ape porch monkey!!

    • Mussolini
      June 2, 2019 at 9:59 pm

      Ok, Jamal, time to stop LARPING as a white, you cuck.

    • IrishAmericanWhiteProud
      June 13, 2019 at 10:18 pm

      Walt, if you hate being white, do us all a favor, take yourself out, I’ll even buy you the rope…fucking disgrace..

  • Shaun King
    May 31, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    Racist cracker + racist cracker cops = racist cracker cover up. #TransBlackLivesMatter #MartinLutherCream

    • murdochpatsymcreynolds
      Rachel Dolezal
      May 31, 2019 at 6:59 pm

      They’s all crackers!

  • Faxpayer
    May 31, 2019 at 6:18 pm


    • smh
      May 31, 2019 at 8:59 pm

      “Their” “Coincidence “

      • ALL CAPS
        May 31, 2019 at 11:12 pm

        Plus “isn’t”

  • JimmyBooms
    May 31, 2019 at 6:11 pm

    Uncle Turtleboy the Agawam Police know he wasnt hacked but that’s the only thing they can do to calm the situation. How do you not see that?

    • z
      May 31, 2019 at 6:47 pm

      How do they know?
      It certainly is possible.
      But just saying it doesn’t make it so.

      As stated, FB has “the where” concerning the post that was created.
      Maybe not down to the exact GPS location but within a couple of miles.
      Also, if the IP address for the good posts from him is the same IP address as the bad post
      from “him” then chances are it was done on the same computer. Unless some Russian hacker is spoofing this guys legit IP address. Frankly none of us are worth that effort, including him.

    • JimmyBooms
      May 31, 2019 at 7:13 pm

      I hope he has a daughter that gets married to an African American and they have lots milato children.
      And him getting a beating sounds pretty good too

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