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Worcester Police Announce Crackdown On Underage Drinking After Turtleboy Expose, Camera Girl From Rockies Threaten “Team Of Lawyers” If We Write About Her

Still think Turtleboy is some smut slog? This is what we do. We expose corruption and it gets fixed.

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This is what we call the “Turtleboy effect”:

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Well, well would you look at that. We write about two underage girls in a bar (Rocky’s) and the next thing you know the Worcester Police announce that they’re ramping up efforts to bust underage drunkards. Gee whiz, what a coincidence!! Sure it had nothing to do with this video:

Hey butthurts – keep telling yourself that Turtleboy is some insignificant trash blog. This ain’t Gossip Girl. It’s a blog that catalyzes positive change. We all know people are gonna drink before they’re 21, and we don’t really have a problem with that. But if you’re gonna go out to the bar and drink underage, you should at least be able to handle your liquor. Whatever you do don’t star in a viral fight video that ends up making its way onto Turtleboy.

Oh, and the girl who filmed the video is not happy with us. She’s claiming that Alexis Aslanian was just bartending in that video:

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Yea Holy Name is doing something right to stay open for 75 years. Mainly collecting tuition.

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Did she just say her friend looked 30? Wow. Shots fired.

And to answer your question, Momma Turtleboy would probably say that adults don’t get bullied on the Internet. We’re not children on the playground.

South Short Turtlegirl was there to answer her questions.

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That’s a GFQ right there. If the story they’re sticking with is “she was only bartending” (if the video was taped on the night in question she was 18 when it was filmed and legally allowed to bartend), then how did the other underage woman get in?

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First of all, have you ever been to Rocky’s? No one goes there. It’s not exactly Sh-Booms. You don’t have 18+ night at a bar that no one goes to. How would they make any money off of that? How many Diet Pepsis can you possibly drink? That’s not even remotely believable.

So when we told her that Rocky’s doesn’t have an 18+ night, she ended up catching herself in a lie and we haven’t heard back from her since:

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Boom. Roasted.

Yea, didn’t really think that lie through. If you had just said “they stopped doing 18+ six months ago” your lie would be plausible. But you embellished it and said “over a year ago.” And over a year ago, Alexis would not be able to bartend. Keep digging that hole.

We better watch out though, because it looks like we have not just one, but a “team of lawyers” coming at us if we write about her:

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Sounds serious. VERY serious!!! Just watch out for 5-0 when you guys are bar-hopping with your fake ID’s.


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40 Comment(s)
  • Speaking on Worcester behalf
    January 18, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    The dude who writes this shit is the BIGGEST HOMO! Wasn’t he charged with a sex crime too? Yea I’m pretty sure he was. Aiden kierney or some communist bs pussy name like that. #AIDEN KEIRNEY… SEXUAL PREDATOR. UR LOCAL WORCESTER BLOGGER. LOLOLOL! get a fuckin life broski

    • Speaking on Worcesters behalf
      January 18, 2017 at 5:34 pm

      Ps. I’d LOVE to do a one on one interview w u.

      • True Reality Speaks
        Jeff Neal, Esq.
        January 18, 2017 at 8:05 pm

        Unfortunately, we don’t do oral interviews anymore. The last interviewer had braces and cut the hell out of my microphone.

        Sounds like you’d be open to an anal interrogation?

  • juror seven esq.
    January 18, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    I’m going to help Alexander Knight out, as he is confused.
    Holy Name High School opened on September 14, 1942. The new high school offered a bilingual program in French and English. By 1946, the student enrollment had grown to 122 students, and in 1957, Holy Name’s status was changed to a Central Catholic High School. On September 24, 1967, the old high school moved from Illinois Street to the present site on Granite Street when Bishop Bernard Flanagan dedicated the new building. In September 1997, Holy Name Central Catholic High School added Grades 7 and 8.
    The school has been open for 75 years. It did however move into a new building as the above explained. The former campus on Illinois St., the convent, school building and rectory have been converted to other uses.

  • Use the media
    January 18, 2017 at 12:08 pm

    The cops are doing something finally, they obviously knew about it before. Because it was publicized, that’s the secret most do not know about. Dealing with the towns, city, state, fed, etc. If one wants something to be done. Publicize it in the media, when they see it. They freak to say the least, guarantee it works constantly. It wakes them up, momentarily anyways.

  • TurtleRideOrDieChick
    January 18, 2017 at 11:31 am

    Ahhhh yes…

    The fat friend & her blonde alcoholic, trash leader.

    At least one in every dump.

  • Rob
    January 18, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Some Chooch tried to say I’m under 13, and when I logged in this morning I had to prove my age. Facebook is becoming a joke! This happen to anyone else?

    • True Reality Speaks
      Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies
      January 18, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      Fakebook is for attention whores and cat ladies.

  • Adam
    January 18, 2017 at 10:05 am

    I’m glad to see the BobnMic comments continue to be hilarious. Arguably the best part of the TB experience.

  • January 18, 2017 at 10:01 am

    57 x girls history rule(2.5) = 142.5 little dicks in that big girl ….kinda gross for a relatively young heffellump….
    “I HAVE TEAM OF LAWYERS”…..said no one ever who had any push…lol

    im so glad my drunken ragers were safely filed in the 90s….

    • Lawyer Milloy
      January 18, 2017 at 2:19 pm

      It’s actually a basketball team… All black guys… All named Lawyer.

      • True Reality Speaks
        Mirror Mirror
        January 18, 2017 at 7:57 pm

        Best comment evah!

  • j-sully
    January 18, 2017 at 8:07 am

    wait, isn’t every night at a bar 21+ night?? don’t think they need to have a special event for the law…

    • KimberlyS
      January 18, 2017 at 9:58 am

      And if it was 18+ night, who were they serving beer to, anyway?

      Not being from the area, I’ll have to take your word on the quality of these schools. However, if Lucia’s spelling and grammar are any indication, I’d say you nailed it.

  • January 18, 2017 at 7:40 am

    Turtleboy gives Mike Gaffney free handjobs!

    • True Reality Speaks
      Mirror Mirror
      January 18, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Jealous, huh?

  • BobnMic
    January 18, 2017 at 7:21 am

    What an idiot. My wife calls me a stupid lesbian and spits on me all the time. It’s sort of a turn on!

    • MicnBob
      January 18, 2017 at 12:55 pm

      It’s what I call foreplay…

  • whatevuh
    Dick Hertz from Holden
    January 18, 2017 at 7:21 am

    Looks like Lucia needs to stay away from the buffet table for a little while. Where does this dumbass get the funds for a TEAM OF LAWYERS? LMAO what a twit

  • Alexander Knight
    January 18, 2017 at 7:12 am

    Bashing a high school that has been open for 75 years . Must be doing something right…like not funding a new building. The only thing this chick is going to need a lawyer for is a personal injury case after she comes down with lung cancer from all the Asbestos that’s in that 75 year old building. I bet Mike Gaffney can help with that PI case!

  • Sterling Turtle Rider
    January 18, 2017 at 3:52 am

    As a graduate of WSC (the last year before they slapped ‘University’ on and doubled the fees), I have absolutely no issue with you bashing them. People who get all hopped up on people not saying something bad about their friends, alma mater, family, etc., without first looking to see if it is deserved, are morons. Someone screws up, they deserve it.

  • Wwy
    January 18, 2017 at 1:06 am

    At 18 you can go die in a war for the kikes in Israel but don’t drink,do they teach holocaus

    • whatevuh
      January 18, 2017 at 5:01 am

      what the hell is holocaus ? are you a Holy Name grad?

  • Paul Larson
    January 18, 2017 at 12:32 am

    Drunk underage girls? Im in.

    Paul Larson

    • BobnMic
      January 18, 2017 at 1:05 am

      Me too! Sloppy 2nd’s!

      • BobnMic's Gaping Anus
        January 18, 2017 at 6:26 am

        Sloppy seconds and throbbing thirds. I’m offering. Who’s in?

    • Paul Larson
      January 20, 2017 at 9:10 pm

      I didn.t write the above post.

      Paul Larson

  • Turtle Hombre
    January 18, 2017 at 12:20 am

    Just wish you’d shut up about Holy Name! I know many successful people who graduated from both HN and Worcester State. What the train wreck did has nothing to do with the schools she has attended. You are insulting so many people on so many levels. We all know you don’t care, but, you’re a bunch of local nobodies, and if you want to stay in local business you should reconsider the points you’re trying to “expose.” You are the ultimate social justice warrior you’re always blasting.

  • Gloria Allred's team, has to be.
    January 17, 2017 at 11:15 pm

    Who are the team of lawyers ? Hope they have at least ten grand cash, as the first payment to the team. Would guess it will go into six figures. I can see the geniuses can afford it, short money.

  • Joe Shmidlap
    January 17, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    I bet she takes the train at WSU… alllllll aboard!

  • January 17, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    You fell into her trap and wrote an article just like she predicted you would. Turtleboy stinks! Sad! You’re an ASSHAT!

  • Mr Butthurt
    January 17, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Wood not

  • Buck Melanoma
    January 17, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    Wow.. The fat friend is dying for attention

  • Krazy Kev
    January 17, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    Yeah that’s right! They are going to crack down on the bars right after evereyone gets served my class action lawsuits!

    In other words……….Never.

  • Ms. Lotta Leadpipe
    January 17, 2017 at 9:37 pm

    I think she meant to say 37 dicks.

    • Randal
      January 18, 2017 at 1:23 am

      In a row?

  • Woodrow Wilson
    January 17, 2017 at 9:08 pm

    I don’t know Paul Larson… I have no idea why he hates me so much. I just made Puerto Ricans citizens and pushed for women’s suffrage… He must be a racist sexist hater.

    • Paul Larson
      January 20, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      I hate Woodrow Wilson because he screened Birth of a Nation, the KKK movie, in the White House. Mussolini, head socialist in Italy, loved Woodrow Wilson because Wilson was such a racist.

      Paul Larson

  • dicks out for harambe
    January 17, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    Totally would. Just sayin

    • Disposable Hero
      January 17, 2017 at 11:20 pm

      Get in line, there are 56 guys ahead of you!

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