Around 300 Triggered Fake Turtle Riding Hoes Abandoned Ship Today When We Hurt Their Feels By Pointing Out How Useless Tomi Lahren And Flag Virtue Signalers Are
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We usually pick up a couple hundred new followers on Facebook every day as we march towards 100,000 and beyond, and whenever we add on another 1,000 turtle riders we commemorate on Facebook with a screenshot like we did today:
Except for the first time in TBS history, we get to celebrate the same milestone twice. That’s because as the day went on, and fake turtle riders got more and more triggered by our takes on the national anthem, the weak ones started abandoning ship:
Eventually it got below 98,900. When you factor in that we added another 200 new people today, that means we lost closer to 300 people. I apologize, 300 hoes. That’s who lost today – dead weight hoes. Useless, fake turtle riders, that were never really part of what we were about to begin with. Don’t worry though, they’ll all be back the next time some ratchet parents commandeer a school bus and put it all on Facebook Live.
Look, Turtleboy is not Fox News. I know some of you new people think this is your safe space from thinking outside the box, but that’s never been what we’re all about. At Turtleboy we call it like we see it, regardless of politics. And here’s some undeniable facts that upset people today:
- Tomi Lahren is a fake conservative who’s only famous because she’s hot and is angry all the time.
- Tomi Lahren stands for nothing and is very stupid and inarticulate. She admittedly is a millenial who bashes Obamacare, but is also on Obamacare.
- Tomi Lahren tells whatever audience is in front of her what they want to hear. She was 100% pro-life during her rise to Internet fame. But when she went on The View, she was magically pro-choice. It’s almost as if she stands for nothing and is only interested in building her brand.
- After Kassy Dillon, a real conservative, and filmographer of Trigglypuff, called her out on it, she immediately blocked Kassy on Twitter, because that’s what triggered snowflakes do when they encounter facts that make them feel uncomfortable – run to a safe space:
— Kassy Dillon (@KassyDillon) July 21, 2017
(trust me, I’m blocked by tons of snowflakes)
- Tomi Lahren tweeted, “I STAND.” This is the definition of virtue signaling, and something we mock SJWs for on a daily basis. Just because she yells at a camera and claims to hate snowflakes and liberals doesn’t mean it’s not virtue signaling when she does it.
- Standing up for the national anthem isn’t the only way to show you love your country. I express my love for my country every single day by exercising my constitutional rights. And for the record, if I’m in the stands at a game and the national anthem comes on, I’m gonna stand. I’m just not gonna call those who choose not to un-American. Their actions are very American. But their reasons are stupid, and I will mock that. Because that’s how freedom works.
- I care more about the Patriots than I do about the national anthem and I will never, ever apologize for that. FUCK YOU if you think this makes me un-America you snowflake fascist blowhard. I hope this offends you. Nothing matters more to me than this blog, my family, Bret Killoran, Gupta Patel, and the New England Patriots. Because I’m a real fan. And anyone who would boycott this team because a fraction of the employees knelt during the anthem isn’t a real Patriots fan.
The bottom line is Turtleboy has never, ever cared about your feelings. That’s the unique part about being a part of this thing. We’re not going to be nice to you if you say or do dumb things. We don’t care if it offends or hurts you. Ya know who isn’t gonna hurt your feelings? USA Today. Go hang out on their Facebook page for a week and let me know if it’s more or less fun than Turtleboy. At the end of the day we’re never gonna agree on everything. And the 97,750 turtle riders that disagreed with us today but stuck around anyway understand that. The 300 bitches who left were fake turtle riding hoes who we couldn’t be happier to get rid of. But make no doubt about it – they’ll be back. They always comes back.
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