Boston, Lawrence, Fitchburg Elects Turtleboy Preferred Mayors, Holyoke, Brockton, Leominster Not So Much

Boston, Lawrence, Fitchburg Elects Turtleboy Preferred Mayors, Holyoke, Brockton, Leominster Not So Much


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Election day across the state went OK. Some wins, some losses:

  • Boston – win. We were rooting for Marty Walsh in Boston, simply because his opponent, Tito Jackson, is a race baiting bag of burnt assholes. It’s hard to make Marty Walsh look like less of a race baiter, but Tito found a way. Marty won, which was better than the alternative.
  • Holyoke – loss. Alex Morse won pretty easily in Holyoke. Figured that would happen with a weak opponent. Oh well, sucks to live in Holyoke, where Mayor Morse built a strong coalitio of social justice warriors and drug dealing gangbangers.

  • Lawrence – win. William Lantigua, possibly the most corrupt person outside of Chicago who was ever elected Mayor, returned from his exile in shame to challenge the incumbent Danny Rivera. For a fun rundown of all the shady shit Lantigua did with his harem of mistresses, read this Only a completely dump like Lawrence could someone like him come back from the dead and nearly get elected Mayor. Luckily he lost 51-49%. Mayor Rivera is a really sensible democrat, who we were very impressed with when he supported his police for cracking down on New Hampshire chuds when they came there to buy heroin and posted this viral video of the cops yelling at them, more than deserved to be reelected.

  • Newton – no horse. Ruthanne Fuller replaces Setti Warren as he runs for Governor next year. We had no strong opinions on either her or her opponent, as none of them really spoke about the only issue that matters in Newton – loud leafblowers.
  • Brockton – loss. Notoriously douchey inncumbent Mayor Bill Carpenter defeated the upstart Jimmy Pereira in an election that was closer than many predicted. I can’t say I followed tihs one at all, but naturally we were rooting for the underdgo, and Carpenter just comes across as a chudmuffin.
  • Fall River and New Bedford – don’t care. Both city’s mayors were both easily reelected. Guess things are going great in both of those lovely establishments. No word on who the Fall River Guttermuppet or New Bedford Foodstampopotaums voted for.
  • Fitchburg – win. In perhaps the biggest joke of an election in the state, centrist democrat Steven DiNitale barely held off his challenger Alexander Vera, 4,325-612. The fact that Vera recently was charged over his involvement in handing off a gun used at a strip club shooting in Worcester, and only two weeks ago celebrated the charges getting dropped, probably didn’t help him. Why do Mayoral candidates in Fitchburg always have pending murder-related charges hanging over their heads? Obviously we were rooting for the guy who wasn’t involved in a Worcester strip club shooting.

  • Leominster – we didn’t really look into this one, but we’ll take the loss on tis one. Dean Mazzerella has been the Mayor of Leominster since the beginning of time, and carries himself like an untouchable, washed up NFL franchise owner. But recent chaos and mismanagement involving the schools led to a write in campaign for newcomer Kenny Ricker. Writein campaigns never work, but yet somehow he nearly pulled off the upset, losing 4,527-4,360If his name were on the ballot he probably would’ve won. Good for him for coming that close.

Somerville – loss. Joe Curtatone is by far the worst mayor in Massachusetts and it’s not even close. Unfortunately Somerville is now a SJW haven so a guy who publicly announces that the I-93 protesters should not be charged with a crime, and who flies the black lives matter flag at City Hall despite the protestations of the Somerville PD, wins easily in a landslide re-election.


6 Comment(s)
  • Leominster hopeless
    November 9, 2017 at 4:07 pm

    hey turtleboy, did u hear leominster doesnt count their “blank votes” unless a recount in demanded? There were also MANY people that were all of a sudden “inactive voters” who could not cast their vote on the ballot, but on a piece of paper that was then sealed in an envelope that the ladies at the counter just took. did those get counted? there is some serious shit going on in Leominster politics. Mazzarella’s flag business is all of a sudden off line, a front for money laundering?? he doesnt sell any fucking overpriced flags at that place. Ricker ran a 33 day campaign that came 200 something votes away from beating him, NOT COUNTING ANY BLANK VOTES THAT COULD HAVE RICKER WRITTEN IN BUT NO BUBBLE FILLED IN!!

  • The Vorlon
    November 8, 2017 at 10:43 pm

    If you, for some strange reason, want to see a picture of Fall River’s boy wonder, just google Alfred E. Neuman.

    I wish I was joking.

  • whatevuh
    November 8, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    Well, who the hell would go to Holyoke anyway? What would you go there for, except for drugs? They can have the little gay man all to themselves.

  • Dreamin'
    November 8, 2017 at 3:11 pm

    God that picture with Holyoke Mayor Morse looks like one of his favorite wet dreams comes to life

    • chrissy
      November 8, 2017 at 4:50 pm

      he’s a people pleaser and he’d love to please all boys 🙂

      • Dreamin’
        November 8, 2017 at 5:20 pm

        The only thing missing is Hillary and Maura Healy coming up behind with their strapons

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