Braintree Mom Takes Kids To Disney, Buys Car, Starts GoFundMe To Pay Her Cable And Cell Phone Bill, Not Looking For “Symphony”
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Believe it or not Christmas is only a couple months away, and that can only mean one thing – tis the season for whiny single mothers to start boo-hoo GoFundMe pages!! Here’s our first winner, Jennifer French of Braintree:
She’s not looking for “symphony.” Amazeballs. That’s the most ratchtacular misspelling these eyes have ever seen.
I also like how we have the dignity and respect to not put pictures of children out there, but their own mother has no problem plastering their faces everywhere so she can cash in on them. Classy.
Let’s break down everything that’s wrong with this particular GoFundMe:
“I am a single Mother of Two children ages 12 and 4 years old, I am in Desperate need of help right now.”
If you’re a single mother of two children, then you qualify for TONS of government assistance. But I guess that’s not enough. Because it’s ever enough.
“I am behind on Major Bills, (Rent, Car Payment, Cable, and Cell Phone)”
Wait…..what? She needs you to give her money for her bills because she can’t afford to pay for cable and cell phone on her own. Ya got that? Cable is a necessity now. She literally cannot live without it. As someone pointed out, she should probably just get rid of her cable if she can’t afford to pay for other things:
But she had an answer for that too:
Oh no!! Not termination fees!! Better keep paying hundreds of dollars a month in bills so as to avoid a small one time fee. That makes sense.
I ended up trading my car back in June, knowing that I was gonna have a hard Time paying for it, but I still went for it anyways!!!
Wait…..what?? She traded her car in for a better car in June knowing that she couldn’t afford it. But she went for it anyway. Now give her money. This can’t be real. It’s like she’s trying to convince you NOT to give her money. Yet she’s managed to raise $50 already!
“I’m not looking for Symphony, I know things are tight but I’m just asking and begging on my knees for any amount, every little penny helps.”
Symphony. I cannot get over that. I could read that sentence 50 times today and laugh louder each time.
“Please the thought of losing my apartment is beyond the Worst!!!”
Newsflash – you are a single mother with two dependent children. It’s almost impossible to evict you. You are in zero danger of being evicted and you qualify for Section 8. No one believes anything you’re saying.
But despite this lack of money she had plenty of cash for a trip to Disney World with the kiddos in February:
Editor’s Note: Turns out this is actually Disney on Ice. Oops!! Nevertheless the point remains the same – she can afford to go to stuff like this but can’t afford to pay her cable bill. Trash move regardless and our thoughts on Disney World are still exactly what you will read now.
Disney is a priority. Paying your bills? We’ll figure that one out later. And by figure it out she means beg for it on the Internet by using her children to elicit pity donations.
Ever since that Quabbin blog last week I’ve really grown to despise people who think going to Disney World is some sort of rite of passage for American children. It’s the biggest money pit on earth. It costs and arm and a leg to get there, and $100 per person to get into each park, where you will wait in line for hours, go on terribly unfun rides, maneuver through a sea of abled bodied cheesehogs in motorized wheelchairs, and pay $14 for a fried dough lunch.
Newsflash – you don’t HAVE to go to Disney!! Ya know where the Turtleboy family went on vacation? Rutland State Park. Sure, every couple years we’d splurge with a vacation getaway to Whalom Park, or we’d pretend to be Holden residents so we could go to the town pool, but for the most part it was a bunch of turtles in a station wagon eating bologna and cheese sandwiches filled with Rutland State Park sand.
But that’s because I came from a family were two responsible adults took care of the finances. They didn’t make much money, so we had to do without things that idiots like Jennifer French think are necessities – cable, Disney, and Starter jackets. We bought our bootleg brand sneakers from Charlie’s shoe store on Water Street, drank a whole lot of tap water, and had a GREAT childhood nonetheless. Crazy, right?
Then again, what did you expect from a grown woman who uses the dog filter?
And in the least surprising news ever, this is not her first GoFundMe:
Yup, she had a $600 GoFundMe to get her sister to come home. Because her grown ass adult sister, and her grown ass, and her mother’s grown ass, couldn’t figure out how to get her grown ass home without panhandling on the Internet. And when she wasn’t getting enough money she did an update to guilt some more cash out of simple minded idiots:
Oh yea, her story checks out. Don’t worry though, her kids are getting get way better gifts than your kids are gonna get on Christmas, and you’re financing this all with your tax dollars.
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