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So as we do this Tour de Turtle all over Massachusetts and New England, it’s inevitable that we’re gonna rub some people the wrong way. First of all, the whole purpose of these blogs is satire. People like to see their random town in the news, especially on Turtleboy. If you’ve lived in Holland your whole life, you’ve pretty much been irrelevant up until Turtleboy came to your town. No publicity is bad publicity. Do we stop and take a picture of every single dumpy house and street we see? Of course. Because dumpy houses that people let go to shit are funny. Sorry, but if your town is filled with old refrigerators, rusty old Trans Am’s, and broken dreams, are we just supposed to ignore that? If you live in a cruddy looking town, that’s OK. It doesn’t mean you’re a cruddy person. If anything you should be thanking Turtleboy for highlighting the shoddy conditions that outsiders see, so that hopefully your town officials do something to clean this joint up.
Anyway, the war with Colrain seems to be dying down, but after our most recent Tour de Turtle the war with Brookfield may be just beginning. This is what we saw on Main Street in Brookfield:
That stuff is all there for the world to see, and there’s nothing Turtleboy can do about it. All we can do is document, because as you know, we only deal with facts at Turtleboy Sports. Naturally this has rubbed one of Brookfield’s finest the wrong way:
So this poor kid obviously missed the reference. The 84-90 interchange is drug trafficking central. It’s where New York meets Massachusetts. Smart people would realize that our light hearted reference to this had nothing to do with actual Sturbridge residents. Just the hundreds of thousands of people who travel through Springfield on a daily basis, many with drugs in their cars.
Apparently Jacob Dupre is from Brookfield, and him and his boo Samm Rivers went all out Brookfield on Turtleboy in response to our satirical article about their town:
Well, they seem nice. What better way to prove that your town isn’t the the dumpy place that it was portrayed to be in a blog than by completely embarrassing yourself on social media? Yup, with winners like this in Brookfield, what could possibly go wrong?
The best part was when they started sharing Buffalo Bruises and the Telegram and Gazette, as if they had cracked some big case. LOL. The whole “I figured out who Turtleboy is” schtick is almost as fun as as the “I’m gonna sue you in Internet court” routine. I almost feel bad for these poor idiots who spend all this time in a vain attempt to prove who Turtleboy is. It must be so exhausting. The best part is when they cite a race obsessed moron with Turtle on the brain, and a website that is currently being sued in federal court for $500,000 because they literally make shit up as they go along. Seems legit though.
Here’s something that is legit though:
What a lovely young lady.
Look, I know these two are not representative of the great town of Brookfield. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that most people who have come in contact with them think they’re gigantic dooshnozzles. But guess what morons? You cannot stop the Tour de Turtle. We’ve got another one coming next week and we’re going east this time. As a matter of fact, we’re gonna go through all 351 municipalities in the great state of Massachusetts and we will be finding the grimiest areas possible of every single one of them. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Enjoy your life with the Affleunza kid’s white trash doppelgänger .
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