All-Star Criminals

19 Year Old Staples Sanchez Puts His Chicopee School For Shitheads Into Lock Down By Pretending To Point A Gun Into Classrooms, Defends His Honor In Glorious Style On 


Let’s see how things are going in Chicopee today.

Nineteen years old and still in high school. Welcome to Chicopee. And whatever you do, don’t unbutton that top button homes. Very west coast of you. Also, if your school has the word “Academy” in it, then you go to the school for the fucked up kids who burn shit. A place where 19 year old men think it’s funny to play cops and robbers with staplers.

I figured we could all agree that this douchebag was the poster child for everything that is wrong with America. The mere fact that he’s 19 years old, still in school, and his primary goal isn’t doing everything he can do to graduate and get the fuck out of high school, tells me everything I need to know about him.

But this is Chicopee, so there were no shortage of bleeding hearts lining up to make excuses for him.

Oh yea, he’s just a grown ass man playing “jokes” by leading people to believe he was orchestrating a school shooting. Shit’s hilarious dog! Get it??

What the fuck is wrong with these people? Nineteen is not a child. Nineteen is when you go to Iwo Jima and raise flags on top of mountains. Maybe if we stopped making excuses for maggots like this they’d stop being maggots.

Then there was this one.


“We as parents need to educate our children that all actions have consequences.”

Completely agree. In this case the action of pretending to have a gun and putting the school into lockdown comes with the consequence of an arrest and a long overdue public shaming. And yes, I will absolutely pass judgement on a 19 year old who is still in high school. Every. Single. Time.

Here’s another rocket scientist.

Yea, the teacher is the one who pulled the false alarm. Not the guy who pretended to point guns into classrooms during an era when school shootings seem to be in the news every other week.

And this one too….

Good point Bo-bo. The real problem here is that society is judging. Some people might say the problem is a grown man who is still in high school and hangs out with minors while roaming the hallways causing mass panic. But those people are dumb af!

A lot of this going around too.

“We” ruined someone’s life? Sorry dude, ain’t no “we” here. He did this. He thought it was funny because he’s obviously a fucking moron, and now he knows that it’s actually a very big deal. The good news is he goes to the school for kids who burn shit so his future was selling dime bags in Holyoke anyway. This shouldn’t deter that.

This one was my personal favorite.

Newsflash Sheila – your kid is 100% trouble. If high school is “overwhelming” for your kid, that’s code for “my crotch fruit couldn’t behave and shut the fuck up in a public school for regular kids.” He “thrives” in a small class structure because it’s easier to keep an eye on him in his prison/school. The mere fact that you believe your kid deserves one on one attention, without considering the cost it was be for the taxpayers if every kid needed one on one attention from a teacher, explains why your kid ended up in this school in the first place.

And if you needed further evidence that this kid is a dickhead, look who showed up in the comments.


If you have to try to get out of high school then you are already a complete and total failure. But congrats for not dropping out when you were 15. You’re obviously going places young man!

He seems to not understand how court works.

Yea, that’s called an arraignment son. Just because they let you walk out of the courtroom when it was over doesn’t mean the charges are actually dropped.

Obviously this is a quality individual who needs more chances in life.

He also posted the link to his arrest on his own page, and he had a lot of brilliant commentary to accompany it.

He also says that he might still be in school when he’s 21, but either way he’s gonna be rich and inspire your grandkids and buy your daughter a house.

“dint even made it pass 9th grade.”

Does this look a guy and sound like a guy who didn’t fly through the 9th grade on his third try?

He just kept going.

His sister had his back too.

“Dats not fucking fare cuz…”

The fact that the only words these creatures can spell right are the swears is my favorite part of their existence.

Anyway, if Staples Sanchez wants to come on the live show this weekend to explain his side of the story we would love to have him on. Hit me up dog!


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52 Comment(s)
  • Mexico
    January 10, 2020 at 9:19 am

    We don’t want him, you can keep him.

  • Cheshire
    January 9, 2020 at 10:13 pm

    I don’t know who invented pussy

    But it had to be a fucking Mexican

    Who but a Mexican would put a snack bar next to a shit house?

  • Russmo
    January 9, 2020 at 10:06 pm

    Filthy spic

  • Dennis Sauceybottom
    January 9, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    He looks as sexy as Aaron. I eill dress him in a Patriots uniform and get me another TE bottom

  • hartf811
    January 9, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Pack it in Sanchez. Your 19 and write worse than my dog on crack.
    If you can’t spell GED you will never possess one. World needs more hole diggers. Or you could do us all a favor and hitch a ride on the Fetynal express.

    • Calm WhiteDad
      January 9, 2020 at 5:34 pm

      If you’re going to critique someone’s spelling, you should first understand the difference between your and you’re. Dummy.

      • hartf811
        January 9, 2020 at 5:41 pm

        You’re a dick head. Better?

        • Russmo
          January 9, 2020 at 10:08 pm

          Correction he’s not a dick head
          It’s your mother that likes sucking the heads of negroes dicks


          • hartf811
            January 10, 2020 at 8:28 am

            My mother has passed away.
            Her involvement with blacks was limited to them carrying her bags, housekeeping and a disproportionate affinity for Harry Belafonte.
            But thanks for projecting what your mother did with blacks upon mine.

  • L'uterus Splat
    January 9, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    I know we’re not supposed to call someone a retard anymore, even if that person is retarded. So I’ll be politically correct and call him a high functioning imbecile. If his writing skills are indicative of his intelligence he’ll be sucking farts out of bus seats for a living in about five years when he graduates from the “academy”.
    This will not be his last brush with the law.

    • x
      January 10, 2020 at 2:39 pm

      Retards are the people who mistake a stapler for a gun.

  • Spic Tormentor
    January 9, 2020 at 4:49 pm

    Too bad the resource officer didn’t grease that spic.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    January 9, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    Carlos played a harmless prank and too many busybodies jumped to conclusions. He’s just a child. I am so proud of Carlos’ to plan to graduate by age 21. He truly is an asset to our community. We need millions more migrants like him!

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      January 9, 2020 at 2:15 pm

      Word has it he’s moving to Cambridge! The house next door to yours!

      • murdochpatsymcreynolds
        January 9, 2020 at 3:12 pm

        Those people can’t afford my neighborhood!

        • hartf811
          January 9, 2020 at 6:33 pm

          Why aren’t you at the Orange Man Bad mart has in Haaavad Square?

  • Judge dread
    January 9, 2020 at 2:09 pm

    This dude is probably a recreational Jenkem user. It’s also known by the street term “butt hash”:

    Jenkem is likely a hoax about an inhalant and hallucinogen created from fermented human waste.In the mid-1990s, it was reported to be a popular street drug among Zambian street children. They would put the feces and urine in a jar and cover it with a balloon then let it ferment out in the sun, then afterwards they would inhale the fumes created.

    • Corinth Arkadin
      January 9, 2020 at 7:50 pm

      Wow, I learned a little somethin’ today.

      Thank you.

  • Old School
    January 9, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    Sad commentary on our society and our education system that this idiot even made it to high school.

  • Captain Trips
    Carlos Correa
    January 9, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    “Mama I just want to deal drugs and not work”

    “Well son, head right up to Massachusetts! You can make up a bogus ‘handicap’, get on the dole there and spend your free days dealing drugs and getting rich without actually working!”

    “Pack my bags mama! This hombre is on the next plane!

  • Judge dread
    January 9, 2020 at 1:08 pm

    He probably reads at a fourth grade level, if he even speaks English.

    • JJ@AOL.COM
      January 9, 2020 at 1:40 pm

      A fourth grade reading level hahahaha, bro you forced it! That dude is still trying to comprehend one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. Lil ole Richie Jr. here is still trying to get past the pre – k hooked on phonics work book! And judging by his grammar he still can not pass the intro to Mavis beacon teaches typing!

      Someone should look into his real age! Report says hes 19 but I’m not so sure of that. I remember a few years back of a report on illegal’ in public schools lying about their age. Dude looks 27 not 19..

      Hahaha those fucking ears . I bet they did a lil wiggle when he got caught up with his “only 18 staplers in da clip yo”

      You know, at this point, I’m really hoping for the boogaloo to start. I see a bunch of dance teams that will go down quickly! I’m also recruiting for the Massachusetts boogaloo dance team if anyone is interested, all skill levels are welcome & encouraged to apply!

  • WeRFucked
    January 9, 2020 at 12:06 pm

    I want to thank my uncle turtleboy,my real uncle got thrown off a roof for sucking too much dick. Keep up the fight.

  • White Guilt Liberal
    January 9, 2020 at 10:34 am

    If he was white all those same liberals and dipshits commenting would be blaming DrUmPh and white supremacy, saying he should be expelled and how there should be zero tolerance when it comes to joking about school shootings.

  • Donald Trump
    January 9, 2020 at 10:29 am

    They are not sending us their best.

    • Greta Thunberg
      January 9, 2020 at 10:50 am

      How Dare You!

      • soxrock191
        January 14, 2020 at 3:45 am

        This still cracks me up! Please continue. Can’t stand that twat.

    • Corinth Arkadin
      January 9, 2020 at 7:42 pm

      He needs to go back.

  • Calm WhiteDad
    January 9, 2020 at 9:08 am

    OMG. You get this halftard on your show and even I’ll listen.


  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    January 9, 2020 at 9:08 am

    Whatever school system educated this example of eugenics needs to have their funding cut.

  • Sean Connery
    January 9, 2020 at 8:50 am

    “Just like a Mexican to bring a stapler to a gun fight.”

  • Not fit to be in free society
    January 9, 2020 at 8:43 am

    I assume all these din du nuffin posts and all the other moronic jibberish will be shown to the judge before sentencing?
    They might as well designate a cell to this idiot for a long term, revolving stay.

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Carlos Slim
    January 9, 2020 at 8:34 am


  • lumpy rutherford
    January 9, 2020 at 8:30 am

    filthy Hispanic scum, his mother is a drug addicted cock sucker

  • 95s exit 22a in providence if anyone wants to give it a shot
    January 9, 2020 at 6:49 am

    We need to set up a go fund me for Spic Tormentor.Free coffees for a year.

  • Jethro Bodine
    January 9, 2020 at 6:45 am

    He be goin to my edumacation coorse. I guts me a sixth grade edumacation. he be make it out 9th grade any year now

  • Amanda Sawyer
    January 9, 2020 at 6:34 am


    • Amanda Sawyers soon to be ex boyfriend
      January 9, 2020 at 6:38 am

      Did him

  • Garcia Vega
    January 9, 2020 at 6:26 am

    He will be dead in 6 months. He will be shot at 2 am while riding his stolen BMX bike down main St. Channel 5 will show up and all the gainfully employed will be out there in front of the camera saying: ” He was a good one d, getting his life together and going to school” Same bullshit day in and day out. Another of societies shitstains.

  • I don't get it
    January 9, 2020 at 6:11 am

    Why does this degenerate replace O with H so often.? for example yhu, yhur (you, your)

    You can remember to do something that fucking stupid when you text but you can’t study so you can graduate.

  • Jeff J
    I'm Rich Biiiiiatch!!
    January 9, 2020 at 12:37 am

    Let me guess, he’s working on his music career. He gon b da next Tupac fr fr.

    Seriously though, it hurts my brain trying to read the hood speak. I’m pretty sure you people don’t realize how utterly fucking stupid you sound talking on the street and tenfold when it’s actually in print. Now FUCK OFF and act civil for once.

  • Jewmerica
    January 9, 2020 at 12:30 am

    Good thing trump bitched out of another Jew war America would lose. When Saudi Arabia and Israel did 9/11 we went to Afghanistan and Iraq,now Iran shoved missiles up their ass,we’ll go to Argentina and Chile? All Jewish gas heads think the same.

    • Jewmerica
      January 9, 2020 at 3:23 am

      But in full disclosure, I hired a Jewish lawyer to help me with my upcoming child pornography possession case.

      I may be an anti-Semite scumbag, and a sexual deviant, but I’m not stupid!

      • WeRFucked
        January 9, 2020 at 7:30 am

        As of right now, 7 people who selected “thumbs down” are dumb as a 19 y/o in a special Chicopee academy.

        Some people don’t understand the comments section and how it works. The reply was to make the original Jew hater look like he’s admitting to hiring a Jewish lawyer (because they’re the best) and that he’s a pedophile.

        Get it?

        • Jewmerica
          January 9, 2020 at 9:29 am

          Actually WeRFucked, both comments are indeed mine.

          You see, when I was a young boy, my Mom ran off with a Jewish man, and adding insult to injury, my Dad ran off with a Muslim man! Ever since, my life has been a series of foster homes, halfway houses, and extended stays at Bridgewater State Hospital. My hobbies are hanging around rest areas and port o potties and watching child porn.

          I am nothing, have nothing, and offer nothing other than lame, irrelevant comments on Turtle Boy.

          My New Year’s resolution is to kill myself, wish me luck.

          • Startled Pancake
            January 9, 2020 at 7:48 pm

            We are well into the New Year, and you haven’t made good on the resolution yet?

            Rope + Chair

            It ain’t that hard, even for a giant vagina.

    January 9, 2020 at 12:07 am

    Go sit your Richard Ramirez looking serial killer ass down. If Richie had a son its definitely this bumble fuck!

    Some nerve those people have to talk about what’s wrong with society. You know what’s wrong with society? Ghetto fucking trash like you and Richie Jr. here, that’s what’s wrong with society! Dirty fucking immoral ghetto trash bags sticking up for their ghetto trash bag counterparts, that’s what’s wrong with society!

    Too bad the cop didnt shoot your serial killer looking self, that’s the real crime and injustice here! Honestly though who would miss this kid? Surely not the sane productive members of society who pay tax do not lean left & actually want a better safer world for them self & their children.

    Why are you crying over being arrested for a stapler with 28 staplers in the clip? (best line ever) it was just a matter of time before you were arrested as an adult and started your life of crime. 20 mil to 1 says you already have a juvenile record for god knows what you little scum bag!

    I hope if that school let’s you walk across the stage for graduation
    (lmao, like you’ll actually graduate any way) that it will collapse on you and snap your neck! That way we will not have to worry about you in the future, you fucking little scum bag future serial killer, you!

    • ChipChipperson
      January 9, 2020 at 1:25 am

      The Night Pauper

      • Startled Pancake
        January 9, 2020 at 7:54 pm

        I LOL’ed for real, dawg.

  • Casino Scum
    January 9, 2020 at 12:03 am

    That dumb spic is very unhandsome he probably never got laid, which might cause him to stay in High School for An unreasonably long time and act out by faking school shootings. What a fukin dummy! He deserves to be punched in the face by an adult 3 times and never allowed in Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun EVER AGAIN!! Why are Mexicans so easily led astray? The Blacks and the White Trash people would never have pulled a stunt like this it had to be a lousy Mexican!!! It just HAD to be!

  • Crotch Fruit of the Loom
    January 8, 2020 at 11:53 pm

    Dude looks like Adam Lanza

  • Mr. Bubba
    January 8, 2020 at 11:52 pm

    I look forward to the inevitable death of this young whippersnapper at the ripe old age of twenty-fo’.

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