Nothing about this story is surprising based on that mugshot.
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
Here’s another winner out of the magical land of Danielson, CT:
It’s all good officers, I didn’t drill her yet. Thanks to you. Don’t get me wrong, we were definitely about to. But I was just teasing her with an appetizer of Danielson mushroom tip soup. No harm, no foul.
Just look at this creamtacular specimen.
Good God. He looks like every Holy Name grad ever. With a face like that there’s a 99.9% chance Zachary Mineau makes people call him white chocolate. With a chinstrap like that you’re DESTINED to use your Dodge Neon, which obviously has rims, as a statutory date-rape-mobile. These are the kind of morons that go to the barber shop every other day to get touched up, because God forbid that pubestache he’s got going on becomes uneven. But God forbid they get a real job or date chicks their own age.
My question is, how do you even start courting a 14 year old? Where do you even meet them? Because I think we can all agree that this asswipe wasn’t her math tutor. I mean, obviously he can’t do 9th grad math. Obviously.
And what do you even talk about with a 14 year old? Sooo…….how bout that SnapChat thing? Pretty hip!!! And that Drake guy is really swag too. I know he keeps me woke. How bout you bae? You down with OPP? No? Girl, bye.
Too bad we found this story a couple hours after he took down his Facebook page. I’m sure it was legendary. But that mugshot pretty much paints the whole picture.
Anyway, the free my boi crowd was nowhere to be found, but we did have a couple pedo-excusers:
Yea, I’m not gonna defend this guy. I’m just gonna go on record as saying that I don’t think he’s a pedophile if he sticks his baloney pony in some girl who wasn’t alive on 9/11. I know if I was accused of a crime like this I’d want someone like this coming to my defense:
Then there’s this theory:
Hot take alert!! Yea, just because she’s not legally able to make the choice to allow this failed grease monkey’s giggle stick in her hoo-hoo, it doesn’t mean she’s not at fault.
Oh, and even better news – this winner has already reproduced three times:
Yup. Real life. A guy with three young children saw nothing wrong with sticking his love hog in someone else’s little girl. Not one, not two, but three innocent children have the misfortune of looking at this shitstain and calling him Daddy. Don’t worry kids, I’m sure the child support will be rolling in once his impending rap career takes off.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.