80’s Throwback Crotchdropling Robs Dudley Liquor Store Couple Blocks From Home, Gets Arrested, Has Impromptu Headbanging Concert In Cop Car

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Well, he seems normal. Must’ve been the “disease.” I heard there’s a bug going on around here in the ratchet community. Maybe if I bang my head against the backseat of my car a bunch of times I’ll magically become a contributing member of society. Or not.

The most insane part about this story is the fact that he got away with $2,450!! How do you keep that much money in the cash register when you’re that close to Webster?

Anyway, Zack Coghlin sure is a winner.

Nothing rapey looking about that guy!

Most normal people looking to rob a liquor store would travel a safe distance. Ya know, somewhere not in their back yard where they can be easily identified by the local police. Not this shitstain though. Dipshit McGee robs the store that’s literally a few hundred yards from his house on First Ave.

Because they’ll never recognize your greasy, flowing locks at the only liquor store in town.

Zack evidently is not a Dudley native, and has burned bridges in other lovely communities such as Haverhill.

If you’ve got Haverhill moving into your community, that’s not good for property value. Just sayin.

After Haverhill it looks like he moved on to Concord NH, where he was arrested for receiving stolen property at the KFC:

“Hey, I wanna buy this stolen stereo off of you, but we need a safe place to do it where the cops will never check up on. Oh, I know – let’s meet at the KFC parking lot. Because everyone knows that assholes NEVER go to KFC. Ever.”

His boo is gonna be none too pleased.   

Think he cares what you people think?

Think again.

Unfortunately for the liquor store it looks like the money is gone for good, as it’s been passed on to the Bartlett High School class of 2011 day shift crew:

And he sounds like a big tipper.

Anyway, free my boi!! Only God can judge him!! You don’t even know him!!

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