• Aaron Hernandez’ Wigtactacular Prison Boyfriend From Uxbridge Is Everything You Dreamed He Would Be And More

    Aaron Hernandez’ Wigtactacular Prison Boyfriend From Uxbridge Is Everything You Dreamed He Would Be And More

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    It’s been widely reported that Aaron Hernandez had a lover in prison who he left a note for before killing himself. And according to the Daily Mail, that lover is a 22 year old, wigtacular hardo from Uxbridge named Kyle Kennedy. Here’s what we know:

    • Kyle Kennedy was the last person to see Hernandez alive and is now on suicide watch
    • Hernandez gave his family a $50,000 watch and other personal property before killing himself
    • Kennedy is the son of a businessman from Uxbridge.
    • When the Daily Mail went to his father’s house to ask questions about his son, he came outside yelling ‘Get the f**k away and don’t f**king come back.’
    • Kyle Kennedy robbed a Cumberland Farms at knifepoint in Northbridge in January of 2015. Shortly afterwards he was pulled over on 146, but as the cop approached the car he started driving 110 mph back towards Uxbridge. He hit several signs and a guardrail as he got off the exit. He then tried to go back up the offramp, but his car was fucked up and he was arrested.
    • Two days later he escaped from the Northbridge Police Station holding cell, and was arrested again after running through three people’s yards.
    • He was sentenced to 3-5 years in prison.
    • Right after his car stopped and he was about to be arrested her posted this to Facebook:

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    • In the least surprising news ever, Kyle Kennedy is friends with Turtleboy Rathet Madness Elite 8 finalist, Gabbi Hebert.

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    No wonder he switched teams!! Imagine dating someone like this?

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    My question is, how does someone on a 3-5 year stint end up becoming butt buddies with a convicted murderer like Hernandez? From my limited understanding of the prisons in Shirley, Shirley Max is for lifers and professional assholes. If you’re not serving at least 20 years, and you end up in Shirley Max, it’s because you earned it by being the biggest asshole of all time, and they’re not dealing with you anymore in Shirley Medium. And by the looks of this winner’s Facebook page, it’s safe to assume that he earned his way to Shirley Max. For starters, you’ll never guess who his favorite NBA team is:






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    Of course he’s rocking the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat. Bonus hoodrat points for still having multiple stickers on the brim!!

    I think it’s safe to say that Kyle Kennedy was the bottom, right? Aaron Hernandez was a murderer, but he was also an alpha male. And I just can’t imagine a situation in which Aaron Hernandez let his prison bitch be the top slice of white bread on his tuna fish sandwich.

    I can see why Hernandez chose him though. He’s very pretty. You gotta assume a face like that is worth at least three cartons of cigarettes in the can. Kyle Kennedy might be a loser in Uxbridge. But in Shirley he is da belle of da ball.

    He seems like a great guy too. Perfect rebound boyfriend for Hernandez in prison. He thinks people should drink and drive so they can kill as many people as they can:

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    He’s a big fan of the “n word” and uses it rather liberally.

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    Things that annoy him include “feen ass n words who always cry like a bitch”

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    (They’re the worst!)

    He has no tolerance for “pussy n words”

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    He doesn’t like bitch ass cops who be harassing him on those outstanding warrants!!

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    Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of dreaming about Aaron Hernandez and decides he could “kill n words”

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    He likes money, and is all about that chedda!!

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    True. All you other hungry n words don’t be stackin cheese cuz y’all don’t be robbing Cumberland Farms, ya heard?

    Yet despite all that money he could never seem to afford a car, and would pay up to $100 cash to use other people’s cars:

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    Kyle Kennedy has a prison dating bio, in which he describes himself as being a 21 year old heterosexual Worcester man, who reads books and likes to ride motocross:


    But just understand that if you sign up to become his prison pen pal, he comes with baggage in the form of a former Patriots tight end who treats him like his own personal poundcake. But besides that he’s totally not gay. Sure he occasionally rolls with three guys and needs a place to sleep:

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    Yes, his Facebook page is littered with homoerotic, topless pictures of him and his future prison bait friends:




    But he’s actually dated girls before, and even loved one of them enough to take her on a hot date!!

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    Figures he likes hot dogs. When a girl agrees to go to Hot Dog Annie’s with you, you know she’s ride or die!

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    It’s understandable why he might’ve switched teams in prison. From the looks of it he has a lot of anger built up towards women in general:

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    That’s not true. Some bitches are good at blogging too. Just sayin.

    And to throw people off the scent he often bragged about how strong his velvet buzzsaw game is:

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    Anyway, the bottom (no pun intended) line is, Kyle Kennedy gets lonely sometimes:

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    And if ho’s don’t be acting loyal, and he’s all lonely up in Shirley Max and Aaron Hernandez decides that he’s gonna be his prison bitch, there’s a 0.0% chance he’s turning down that opportunity. Just sayin.


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    1. Mark D

      Face tattoos and being some dudes bitch in prison is not a good way to go through life

      1. Gas Pipe

        I’d love to know how often a skinny white kid locked up with the worst of the worst, is using the “n” word nowadays….. Hernandez must have really liked getting a Hoover from a prison bitch with no teeth.

      2. Drug Central Vacationland

        Of course that homo pix of his boyz is take in….no where else but….. the White Trash capital of the world….Hampton Beach, NH.

    2. maxs

      what a bunch of loosers – scum of the earth and no place to go – they will live the rest of there years in prision on there knees or bent over a bed – have fun – o by the way – they have them nggs in prison i bet you meet up with them – lol

    3. Geezer

      Daily fail sucks tho, so please use other sources.

    4. StreetSweepah

      Good boys bend at the knees… Bad boys bend at the waist.

    5. Wtf

      Is that the gabbi Hebert? Or just another ratchet by the same name commenting on wisdom?

    6. Heeeeey

      Aaron was gay. Kyle is gay. Period. You are not straight your whole life, then get to jail, and suddenly start showin the homeys some love. At least not in 3-5 years. This to me is an open and shut case. What is more perplexing, is why a bunch of white kids from the sticks, went for the full lil wayne tattoo package. Tatts on your hands and neck give you 2 options in life, a tattoo artist, or Aaron Hernandez prison wife. Kyle’s parents must be proud.

      1. Light my fire

        Kyle’s parents hate him and disowned him. Not just because of the tattoos but because of the losers that he hangs around with.

    7. Sloppy

      I like how when you Google map his address from the story about his arraignment 2 years ago, you see nice quiet houses out in the middle of the woods with swimming pools. But when you look at picture of him and his homies/boyz/”dawgz”or whatever, they look like they think they’re straight outta Compton.
      I really don’t get those types. Is that a phase? Was he using the “N” word a few years ago in a different context when he was fixing a snowmobile with a big lipper of Grizzly long cut in his pie hole, jammin’ out to Garth Brooks in his dad’s garage next to the pool out there in Uxbridge?
      At any rate, it is kinda cute I guess. I can see why some big feller over at MCI Shirley might want to jam his schlong up that skinny little confused kid’s colon.

      1. Madcow not Rachel

        Rumor has it that it’s balls and all or nuttin fer Lil Kyle Da Cock Sukka……

    8. Strata

      He’s a burden on society, a non-contributing member of society, and he’s costing us all $$$

      I hope this revelation about being Aaron’s boy causes him much distress …. like he’s caused his victims of his crimes. I wish him the worst.

    9. LOL

      When Kyle said “im stackin cheese while you other niggaz hungry,” did he mean having sex with other men for cash and watches?

      1. Cheese Packer


    10. Dave

      Turtle boy you missed some facts. Ya that girl was crazy but not nearly as crazy as joselle turner was. She’s a bartender/prostitute coke whore who cheated on him the whole time he was in jail in 2013 and gave him her heroes when he came out ☕️

    11. Mass. law

      For sure, small town male inbreds are required by law. To have neck ink.

    12. Azif

      Kyle Bubba​ is looking for you ​and he has the vasoline.

    13. MrSmiley

      Always knew Kyle would be famous. From his PC days in county as a rat to now being bottom bitch. He’s come a long way hahahaha

      1. susan

        For real !!! I heard some shit about him in county

    14. Agent smith

      For the “Only God can judge” crowd, wrong. I’m totally judging, Kyle is a massive fagula. I heard when he gets out of the joint, he wants to be the meat in a Kevin Lynch/David Gomez sandwich.

    15. Duke Westwood

      Bwah ha ha!! Of course he’s friends with Gabbi!!


      Outside jail Hernandez was a Tight End butt inside he was a Wide Receiver. Thank you.

      1. bigdaddy

        That never gets old

      2. Azif

        If AH played baseball would be the pitcher or the catcher?

    17. LLC

      Bwahahahahahaha and to top it off…..Hampton Beach.

    18. The Poop Hole Loop Hole

      Its hard to tell, but is that a “Only God can Judge Me” tat across his chest?

      1. Cheese Packer

        No, it says “Only Dog ….

    19. suckmyd

      What a faggot. This is massachusetts now losers. You screwed the pooch and now your time is OVER.

    20. Nicole

      He posted the drunk driving post in Millville, which is where I grew up and lived at the time. Let’s all hope he lives out the rest of his days behind bars. POS.

    21. Grace

      When I have the opportunity to raise children remind me NOT to move into the suburbs. People complain about being in Small Town, USA but at least they come out reasonably adjusted to society.

    22. Millie

      How sad & pathetic you people are it shows that you have no heArt what so ever no feeling & no respect for a human being talking all this in this horrible moment for the family of Hernandez you say how low they are & people commenting about it is a shame that in this world exist people like you that take this as a joke & at enjoying & laughing while others are suffering the death of a father, son, nephew, cousin, brother, grandson buddy, husband this could be one of your own may god forgive the ones that find joy & happiness when they see someone suffering & having a broken heart

      1. Hemoglobin

        That was one sentence. Wow.

      2. Devils Mouthpiece

        Fuck off. These losers deserve everything they get. You reap what you sow.

      3. MrSmiley

        Aaron Hernandez was a narcissistic lunatic who loved being an arrogant prick choosing gang life over his fiancee and child. Even a multi million dollar nfl career took a backseat! Fuck him and fuck you. When my relatives pass, you can be damn sure they’re nothing like that piece of shit coward. Did you see the tattoo on his neck dumbass? I don’t feel sympathy for a multiple murderer and never will.

      4. Suck Away at the Teat, Millie!

        No Millie, THIS WILL NOT BE ONE OF MY OWN!!! My family members ARE NOT hood rats, fupasloths, chudstuffers, cheese hogs, nor any other sort of scum that feed off of the teat of the State or Federal governments!!! We have honor and dignity in our family! Too bad you pathetically strive to find that which is so incredibly elusive in your own existence!!!

        I shake my head in disgust of you! You are a pathetic wretch! Enjoy your time suckling at the teat! Hopefully, it is for a limited time!

      5. Azif

        Go fuck yourself

      6. Michelle Sanangelo

        You left out a comma and a word… I believe it should say father, son, nephew, brother, grandson, BUTT buddy, and husband

    23. kyle

      Obviously he was the widevreciever. Lol suprised he’s not a packers fan.

    24. Robert F. B.

      what turtle boy got wrong is all those times hes trying to use a car (even after the robbery) its to go score some junk. i wouldn’t be surprised if he became hernandez baby girl coz the dude so far gone on heroin he’s willing to give up his ass to catch a lick. this dude was in max, he’s skinny, scrawny, lanky, he must have done something really stupid to get sent to max like distribute drugs within a correctional facility. also dude second on the left in the 5 person picture is one of them white boy gypsy church sons. man uxbridge quite the place from kids shitting on trains to gypsy cultist churchess to homegrown loose ends who hook up with tight ends. what a place to live im sure the property value is skyrocketing

    25. Ryan

      That one twink has an Only God Can Judge tat across his upper torso. Classic.

    26. Kyle The Cock Sucker!

      “all these bitches are good for is layin on their back getting fucked or on their knees sucking dick for money”

      And you, on your knees, with your ass in the air, getting corn holed by your gay buddies, screaming their names, begging for an even bigger pounding! It’s Gay Bukkake, as everyone shoots their load over your ass, back, and, I would be willing to bet that you LOVE IT, all over your shit-stained face!

      And what kind of name is “Kyle”. Kind of pussy if you ask me! What in the world were your parents EVER thinking when they branded you with that moniker?

      1. Madcow not Rachel

        And what kind of name is “Kyle”. Kind of pussy if you ask me! What in the world were your parents EVER thinking when they branded you with that moniker?

        After his parents saw the “innie” dick on the child they thought they had a daughter.

    27. abcdefg

      Anyone who knows Kyle knows that he is loving the fame right now. He’s getting exactly what he wants, LOL. Kid never had any parenting or adult supervision growing up which is why he is the way he is.

    28. Kyle is Heartbroken!

      Apparently Hernandez’s “pushin’ cushion”‘s lawyer (his “mouthpiece”) is in court trying to get one of the love letters that the coward left behind when he choked his chicken (and his self) to death.

      Kyle wants to see if his butt buddy said goodbye to him. I’m sure he’ll be heartbroken if it doesn’t come to be.

      Got to find a new piece in the klink for you to get nailed Kyle! Maybe Bubba is available!

    29. gaetarick

      What a douche!

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