As Uncle Turtleboy so poignantly declared in his last Chuck E. Cheese write up in February, “I’d Rather Bring Turtleboy Jr To The Aleppo Chuck E. Cheese For His Birthday Than The One In Everett”

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It seems like every other month we’re getting a story out of the Chuck E. Cheese in Everett. Last time, some pregnant chick got beat up and landed in the hospital. I’ve personally been there with the North Shore Turtlebabies when a brawl broke out last December. I think it’s past time we use one of those MOAB’s we just dumped on Afghanistan on this place and call it a fucking day.

According to Twitter reports and the Revere Scanner (you guys are becoming a fast fave, thank you!) something happened at the Chuck E. Cheese in Everett aaaaaaaaaaagain. We have to assume it’s because last night was the final opportunity for a fracas at the Revere Carnival  and the riffraff have to get their kicks target practice in SOMEWHERE, right?

Something bad went down in the Mouse House, but we’re still not sure what. Maybe the velociratchet, Elmo, from the Revere Carnival showed up and ganked everyone’s tickets so she could fulfill her carney/arcade prize dreams. Who the fuck knows.

The hullabaloo spilled outside, 10 rounds were allegedly fired, and 2 suspects took off in a car down Rt 16 toward Chelsea. No description of the suspects or the car are yet available, but they’re probably in some type of late 90s Honda with a hood and/or fender that isn’t color matched to the rest of the car with a fart can exhaust. Don’t quote me on it, but it’s a hunch. Either way, I’m sure they’ll fit right in where they’re headed. They’re gonna give the fuzz a run for their money playing cat and mouse.

There’s gotta be something in the water at that place. Given that it’s built on remediated Monsanto land, I think any leftover trace chemicals have leached into the pizza cheese or something. If you ever feel like taking your life in your hands, that’s the place to go. Not the Middle East, not on a caged shark dive experience… no, the Everett Chuck E. Cheese.

If you have any info on this one, reach out to North Shore Turtlebabe here: NorthShoreTurtleBabe@gmail.com – remember, all our sources remain anonymouse. Even you, Chuck.