All-Star Criminals

Apple Orchard Super Daddy Is Fired Up About Sexist Toddler Superhero Pajamas

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I might have to write more blogs about everyone’s favorite stay-at-home dad Aaron Gouveia, because the guy is just an endless source of material. Check out what he posted today on his Facebook page “The Daddy Files.”

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Wow. This guy LOVES to find anything he can to get fired up about doesn’t he? I guess when you are a stay-at-home dad don’t have a job you pretty much have all day to find some obscure thing to get outraged about.

So what exactly is it about this obviously harmless set of welfare pajamas that has Apple Daddy’s britches in a bunch?

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Hey fuckface, I hate to break it to you but superheroes aren’t actually real. Boys can’t become them and your daughters can’t grow up to drill them.

One of his readers pointed out that perhaps he should calm the fuck down:

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Yea Kevin, you don’t even know how to get offended!! That’s why you couldn’t see the problem with it numbnuts!! It clearly says on those Jam-Jams that if girls wear them they will never go to college, get a job, or sing Beyonce in the shower. Women should NEVER aspire to date a successful guy that can provide for them. Every woman should look for unemployed, models of fitness like Apple Daddy:

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Because someone has to marry the Apple Daddy’s of the world right? Maybe he would be cool with it if the PJ’s said “I Only Date Stay-At-Home Dads.”

One of his readers pointed out that he MIGHT be overreacting about some arbitrary onesie he found in some random store. His response basically explains everything you need to know about him:

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Yea Des, why are you pointing out that this guy is using a ridiculous anecdote in a vain attempt to show the world that society is inherently sexist? Don’t you know that the Daddy Files exists so that men who don’t have jobs can kiss their wives’ asses by pretending to be outraged male feminists? Sure, everyone knows that you can easily find girls superhero pajamas anywhere, like batgirl


which apparently is just a pink batman.

There’s also spidergirl



and of course the world famous “K Girl”


Adorable. If that girl’s not ready to save the world then I don’t know who is. The problem with these outfits of course is that Spidergirl, Bat-babe, and K Girl are not real superheroes. Fear not, they also make Jam-Jams for superwoman


and Iron Man


If simply doesn’t get more feminist than those PJ’s.

Super Apple Daddy wasn’t done:

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Yea, sure the store makes tons of other clothing that empower young woman, by why concentrate on that when you can freak out over ONE onesie that got his naniburger all riled up. When I first saw this outrageous outfit the first word that came to mind was “harmful.” Just think of the message kids will get when someone wears clothing that says “I Only Date Superheroes.” What message will that send to unemployed stay-at-home dads in zebra Jam-Jams? Sure the kids who wear these outfits have absolutely no fucking clue what the concept of dating even means, but nevertheless, the Daddy Files needs SOMETHING to get fired up about, so this will have to do.

So I’m trying to understand what is wrong with the message the Jam-Jams are sending. Girls date boys don’t they? Maybe some girls don’t wanna be a superhero. Maybe some girls would rather just DATE the superhero. What the fuck is wrong with that? Do you understand how much work being a superhero is? Some idiot in a jam is always calling you to bail their ass out. And you think you’re getting Columbus Day off? That’s like the busiest weekend of the year!!! Not to mention the fact that merely by existing you have an arch-enemy who is constantly trying to kill you. Oh yea, and you don’t get paid for any of this, nor do you have a retirement plan or healthcare.

But yea, besides that being a superhero seems like a lot of fun. What little girl wouldn’t wanna do all that work?

And does it get any more hypocritical than our boy Apple Daddy? I mean, he is married and unemployed. He’s basically doing EXACTLY what this outfit is suggesting girls do – settle down with someone who has a job and sit back and enjoy the ride.

Hey Apple Daddy, don’t you think you’re kind of grasping at straws here to find something that “offends” you?

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Yea guys. Being offended by random children’s pajamas isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s actually a great thing. Some people contribute to society by building shit. Some go on to save lives as doctors or EMT’s. Others become teachers, cops, and firefighters. But where would society be without people like Apple Daddy who spend their days looking for shit to get offended about?

Never change Apple Daddy. Never change.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

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26 Comment(s)
  • October 5, 2014 at 9:27 am

    I think this guy is headed for divorce court. I feel sorry for his wife. Or maybe I don’t – she DID marry the douche and continues to stay married to it, and actually reproduced!!!! OK I take it back, she must be as big of a douche as he is. Just gross, man.

  • Gonewestbutnotsoft
    October 4, 2014 at 10:32 am

    If the blue one said “FUTURE STAY AT HOME DADDY” would that have been alright?

  • October 3, 2014 at 5:00 pm

    Turtle Boy, you are real peach. A semi-literate clod who gets off on trying to bully others. It is easy to be brave behind a keyboard but a lot harder to talk that sort of crap in person. You remind me of Tom Brady, a guy who had a little success and then listened to all the bullshit people fed him about how great he was.

    Have you noticed that since the pats stopped cheating they haven’t won a championship. Silly chowderhead still using dumbass remarks like naniburger that no one outside your small circle understands.

    Anyway,it is kind of fun to come here and give you some of that negative attention you so desperately crave. You and your minions can go back to your circle jerkery and rim jobs or better yet keep working on your flexibility because one day you might actually manage to put your own dick in your mouth.

    Auto-fellatio would be something to be proud of you scarf wearing nancy boy, naniburger. Did I say that right oh mighty one.

    Who cares. Go back to shtupping your turtle. You are dismissed.

    • GrandWizard Ultra Dragon King of the South
      October 3, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      You might be a stick or you have a too much air in your head.

      • October 3, 2014 at 6:25 pm

        Or maybe I fell asleep riding your mother and was looking someone who might be able to entertain me.

        • Wabbitt
          October 3, 2014 at 8:35 pm

          Trust me – you’re not riding anything with those pants and that shitty beard. I feel sorry for your wife.

          • October 3, 2014 at 9:50 pm

            She feels sorry for you too. What do you do when you are not being buggered by Elmer Fudd. BTW jackass, I am not Aaron.

          • Wabbitt
            October 4, 2014 at 9:59 pm

            Sure you’re not.

            Also, keep your cartoon porn fantasies to yourself.

    • Gonewestbutnotsoft
      October 4, 2014 at 10:42 am

      TheJackB you have, by far, the most desperate, over thought, and least impressive trolling I’ve ever seen in my life.

      • October 4, 2014 at 11:57 am

        Meh. Clueless lad every post on this site is an example of poorly written troll crap.

    • Finnish goalie
      October 5, 2014 at 6:33 pm

      “Have you noticed that since the pats stopped cheating they haven’t won a championship. ”

      “Did I say that right oh mighty one.”

      You wrote neither of these sentences correctly. These are questions.


      • October 5, 2014 at 7:31 pm

        They are rhetorical questions. Go look that up. You and the rest of the losers that haunt this joint make me laugh.

        Bunch of trolls who spend hours working on preparing poorly written posts/comments so that you can have your circle jerk.

        The funny thing is your turtle shtupping leader’s obsession with trolling others and not understanding the Apple Dad owns you.

        • Finnish goalie
          October 5, 2014 at 8:09 pm

          I don’t need to. They need to take the form of a question to be a rhetorical questions.

          • Finnish goalie
            October 5, 2014 at 8:10 pm

            Strike that “a” from the record, if you please.

  • Jason kluedtke
    October 3, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    umm dumbass he did write it…

    • Jason kluedtke
      October 3, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Lol typos sux he Did NOt write it…..

  • SukMyPhart
    October 3, 2014 at 8:47 am

    I think it’s time to follow the Daddy Files so he can suk my pharts from the comments section…. Hey Apple Daddy, grow a pair why don’t ya.

  • Woodiculous
    October 3, 2014 at 5:44 am

    I think that you are going to have to start paying Apple addy royalties for all of the content.

  • Wabbitt
    October 3, 2014 at 12:28 am

    This is the same as people bitching about how “all Halloween costumes for women are slutty.”

    Hey, guess what, you can just buy the “men’s” costume. And if a woman wants to wear a slutty costume – that’s fine, too. Though I did see one idiot complaining that it’s not fair because men’s costumes are designed to fit men. And women should be able to have a proper fitting, non-slutty costume, too.

    Umm… hey guys – show of hands. Have ANY of you EVER worn a store bought Halloween costume that actually fit right? Because I sure as shit haven’t.

    Seriously though – just buy the superhero onesie for your daughter and shut the fuck up. Or buy the pink one for your son; who the fuck cares. Or are you some sort of misogynist who thinks that pink is a feminine color and will start your son on some sort of road to homosexuality? Because prior to World War II, pink was considered a masculine color, then societal “norms” changed. For fuck’s sake it’s something your kid is going to grow out of in a month, get over yourself.

  • NewsWorld
    October 2, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    Any mom/dad staying at home or out on the job is a “superhero” to their kid single or duo. It’s a regular justice league. Add a father/mother in law, relatives and friends that team keeps growing. Try juggling the check book, receiving pamphlets from the school on the latest fundraiser, healthy lunch choice, picture time, after school activities, amount of time being spent on home education.Fixing any number of the things that need attention while watching out for the latest scam artists and any one of the justice league members trying to tell hulk how to control his ability. PJ’s nah!!! Throwing insults into hulks hypothetical stay at home face is more offensive. Human torch needs to heat up this take.

    • Finnish goalie
      October 3, 2014 at 8:54 am

      Exactly what scam artist? The Liberian Prince afraid of Ebola and wanting to send you his fortune for safe keeping in America?

      Sure need a superhero’s keen intellect to catch that master plot!

      • NW
        October 4, 2014 at 12:19 am

        That the latest hustle? No one’s ever got, by goalie!

  • Curtis
    October 2, 2014 at 11:01 pm

    Um…. Can’t he just buy the super hero Jammies and let his daughter were those? I mean since when are clothes single gender? I mean guys wear skirts to the Big E!

  • AllisonWonderland
    October 2, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    And I’m sure zebras everywhere are highly offended by those pajama pants, fucktard

  • Victoria
    October 2, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    The hypothetical little girl wearing these PJs isn’t being given a bad message. Because it’s a onesie. And she is an infant and can’t fucking read it yet. It could say “I shit all over these PJs” and she wouldn’t know. And then she would shit on them. Cuz she’s an infant.

  • Finnish goalie
    October 2, 2014 at 9:19 pm

    Speaking of arch-enemies, perhaps you have found yours.

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