Here’s your all-star criminals of the week:
At approximately 5:33p.m. yesterday (October 11), APD officers responded to the Auburn Mall after receiving a report of two black females passing counterfeit currency. The call originated from two alert Forever 21 associates who said that the bills felt “off”. Officer S. Kaperonis encountered two females matching the description provided exiting the Victoria’s Secret store together. One of the females, when approached, ran away from our officer towards the Sears store in the Mall. She was apprehended before exiting the Mall and identified as Ivette Guerrero, 25, of the Bronx, NY.
APD K9 Officer J. Ljunggren located a second female in the Sears side parking garage standing next to a white Nissan Altima that was registered to Ms. Guerrero. This female was detained and identified as Lauren Cruz, 26, also of the Bronx, NY. A total of twenty (20) suspected counterfeit notes were recovered from both suspects as well as merchandise obtained using the counterfeit money. Both females will be arraigned in Worcester District Court on charges of Possessing Counterfeit Notes and Uttering a Forged Document.
Pro tip – if your face looks like a paint pallet from Benjamin Moore, don’t go into a career in sneakthievery. All the cops have to do is get on the radio and say they’re looking for Harvey Dent’s twin sister from New York and they’ll find you in five seconds. I don’t know what’s more upsetting. The fact that money basically has no value because anyone can print it out like this and go shopping at Victoria’s Secret, or the fact that either of these skags is interested in wearing anything from Victoria’s Secret.
But seriously, how stupid can you be? If you’re gonna go into the counterfeit money business, why the hell would you use $100 bills? Especially when you’re a couple of crusty looking urchins from the Bronx. Ya know who uses $100 bills to pay for stuff? People who are on their way home from the casino and don’t wanna tell their wife how much money they just won. That’s it. Normal people pay in 20’s. You could’ve gotten away with it, but instead you chose to pay strictly with Benjamins. If you wanna do this and get away with it then you print a bunch of 20’s and you go to 7/11 and buy gum with it. Then you get real money back in return. Then you go to the mall. Not that I’ve ever thought about doing this before.
Anyway, the fact that they came all the way from the Bronx to the Auburn Mall tells you all you need to know about the reputation of the Auburn Mall. They could’ve picked any mall in a 200 mile radius. There’s probably hundreds of them. And they chose to take the three hour drive to Auburn because this is where they thought they could blend in most efficiently.
P.S. Love how the one that got away instinctively ran to the other girl’s car. Because they’d never think to look for her there.
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