All-Star Criminals

Athol Man With Voke-stache Is Worst Bank Robber Ever After Not Wearing Mask To Gardner Bank Robbery

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Pro tip – if you’re gonna rob a bank in Gardner, make sure wear a mask, or at least a pair of sunglasses and a hat:




Oh yea, and make sure you’re not the town scumbag who’s burned every bridge possible:

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And in the least surprising turn of events ever, this scumfart is from Athol. What’s Gardner, like 15 minutes from Athol? Like they weren’t gonna recognize that Voke-stache in Gardner. His only hope at this point is to hide out in Winchendon for a while. At least in Toy Town he can blend in.

My biggest beef with this guy and modern day bank robbers like him, is that they’re lazy. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days when bank robbers had guns and came in and made the bank president open up the vault? This asshat just walked in with a handwritten note he scribbled on scrap paper. How is this any different from panhandling? It’s a ratty looking guy with a sign demanding money. Just tell him to fuck off and go back to Athol. Problem solved.


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9 Comment(s)
  • 1776
    September 20, 2016 at 5:39 am

    Turtle boy —

    Can you please explain why you use the term Voke-stache??
    Is there something wrong with a mustache in general??

    • I got this TB.
      September 20, 2016 at 7:11 am

      Voke-stache: a wispy thinly defined mustache, as would be found on an attendee of Worcester Vocational high school in the late 90’s to show their masculine virility, primarily as a courting ritual towards the Piedmont street land whale.

      • 1776
        September 20, 2016 at 9:02 am

        Public high schools don’t have masculine boys with mustaches??

  • Sal Monella
    September 19, 2016 at 10:26 pm

    My daughter was a Teller at a Worcester bank that was robbed. You can make fun of the douche bag robber all you want but it was very traumatic for the bank staff. That robber waved a gun in the face of the teller next to her, got money and ran out the door. After the cops left they had to act normal but she was traumatized for weeks. She left that branch and refuses to go anywhere near the shit hole Worcester has become.

    Fuck this guy, have some compassion for the employees.

  • Tammy
    September 19, 2016 at 9:33 pm

    I worked at a bank a while back as a teller and we were taught no matter what you give in to their demands. The bank is insured.

    • BobnMic
      September 20, 2016 at 3:26 am

      Most banks do that type of training with their employees. And a typical draw behind the teller line does not have that much cash in it anyway if the Tellers are doing their jobs. And most robbers are note passers. Some however are not. A lot of fake guns but it is a small group that carry for real. Still never to be taken for granted. Complacency and/or laziness on the employees part will burn you at every turn.

      Some banks still do dye packs which is a fucking riot when these numbnuts exit the bank then BOOM turn blue, green, red or whatever color. Literally a new race of human fuckstick. Fucking riot.

      Most banks surveillance systems are state of the art with creative camera angling which I will most definitely not divulge on here. No need to give the bad guys a heads up.

      Lol. I just remember this asshat dude robbed this bank right across the street from South Plaza up on Grafton Hill. He exits the bank, gets into to his car heading for Rt. 20 then BOOM. There goes the dye pack. Now he is a member of the Blue Man Group and plus he was on fire.

      So lol, he circles into South Plaza, gets out of his car and starts sprinting in an effort to put out the flames and he was screaming like crazy. Lol. So people were calling the Police saying that there was a blue person yelling and screaming and running in South Plaza’s parking lot with smoke coming from his body. Lol.

      Cops came, guy gets busted. Fucking a riot when I read this.

      • BobnMic's Lonely Penis
        September 20, 2016 at 7:21 am

        Yawn. That was the most boring comment I ever read.

      • BobnMic please go away
        September 20, 2016 at 12:24 pm

        Another late night crystal binge.. yap yap yap yap. GO AWAY!

        • BobnMic
          September 20, 2016 at 7:43 pm

          Here’s a safety tip – don’t read what I post. Ever thought of that? Boom – problem solved.

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