WTF

Bernie Crack Does The Fentanyl Floss On Top Of Car In His Birthday Suit After Holding Up Traffic In Malden

 

Commuters in Malden were in for treated to a show today when a confused African-American man in his birthday suit decided to go surfing on a random car of his choice.

Dude in the red car knew it was bad news ever since he saw Kimbo Lice walking down the middle of the street with his jurassic pork hanging out.

He tried to pull a u-turn and get the hell out of there.

But by that point it was too late. The rest was destiny.

After he got on top he did a little fentanyl floss before realizing that inertia was about to give him a date with the pavement.

Why the driver didn’t just gun it was beyond me. If you have a naked 250 pound man on the roof of your car I think you’re entitled to drive away, although that could get ugly if you go too fast and it turned into black lives splatter.

After the car started moving Bernie Crack sat his ass down and got some sun as the shell shocked driver slowly attempted to drive out of there without killing him.

Just another Tuesday afternoon in Malden.

 

 

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. If you like what we do and want to support free speech feel free to hit the donation button. Or just buy this award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

63 Comment(s)
  • Stan Duround
    July 24, 2021 at 4:17 pm

    Although it’s hard to tell in the video, I assume he is still “at large”

  • ames1049
    July 18, 2021 at 11:15 pm

    Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle………

  • juror seven esq.
    July 17, 2021 at 2:12 pm

    I understand that the driver was questioned by the Environmental police. They wanted to know why the antlerless deer had not been tagged properly.

  • David Attenborough
    July 17, 2021 at 10:17 am

    When the female silverback is in estrous her anal sacs turn bright red. This in turn causes the male silverback to go into an amorous mood.

  • Cleamus
    July 16, 2021 at 4:42 pm

    You better check. Some zoo has a missing silverback.

  • Jane Goodall
    July 15, 2021 at 12:23 pm

    I have seen this type of behavior before on the Gombe Preserve.

  • Victor Immature
    July 15, 2021 at 5:26 am

    I need your boots, your clothes and your EBT card

  • Buck Breaker
    July 14, 2021 at 11:46 am

    Looks like that buck just got broken

  • Dr. Spaceman
    July 14, 2021 at 11:34 am

    I don’t think that any further analysis is needed. Jas Hennessy & Co. should definitely proceed with the recall.

  • Tim Maynard North Weymouth
    July 14, 2021 at 11:06 am

    This story makes me horny and I’m not even gay! Love the idea of my fat cock and naked body being worshipped on a car roof on main street and across the internet rocking good times baby!

  • Big Pussy Squirt
    July 14, 2021 at 9:31 am

    By day I’m a HR professional for a US Government agency but in my private life I’m a Big Pussy squirt Sexy Nasty Anal Pussy Fisting acrobat swinger.

    While the entrance to the vagina or ass tends to be pretty tight, there’s generally a lot of space deep inside. Once you’ve managed to work the meatiest part of your hand into your orifice of choice, the relatively narrow wrist rests at the entrance.

    I’m a genderqueer femme in a relationship with a man, and my dirty secret is that I prefer a big man hand when getting fisted. I’ve taught workshops on fisting a few times, complete with live demonstrations. I’ve been fisted by men and women, and I’ve fisted men and women.

  • The King, Elvis Presley
    July 14, 2021 at 9:17 am

    Member of the LGBBQ+ does hard mind altering drugs causing mental unwellness and psychotic episode.

    “Look what you whites made me do”—starts GoFundMe for the struggle of dragging his taint on someones windshield.

  • Alexander Rich-Shea
    Alexander Bitch-Gay
    July 14, 2021 at 8:57 am

    This is just the latest member of my dance group, “A Boston Movement Collective” showcasing his latest piece. Find us on facebook!

    • OG Alexander Bitch-Gay
      July 14, 2021 at 9:11 am

      I bequeath you the name, use it well.

      He’s a weird homo anyway

      • Alexander Rich-Shea
        Alexander Bitch-Gay
        July 14, 2021 at 10:37 am

        This is me, the weird homo.

        Why wouldn’t i love this name?

        • Alexander Rich-Shea
          July 14, 2021 at 12:44 pm

          Nice try, but this is the REAL Alexander.

          You pathetic weirdos that love this blog so much, it’s trash- spoken by an uneducated cis white man.

          • Alexander Rich-Shea
            Alexander Faggitch-Faggay
            July 14, 2021 at 3:45 pm

            I’m faggitus

  • Deflateddoritodinks
    July 14, 2021 at 7:22 am

    But they just got their first Starbucks!

    • Paul
      July 14, 2021 at 8:45 am

      It’s beginning again skynet has sent him back to kill John Connor!

      • Whitey
        July 14, 2021 at 12:50 pm

        Skynet must’ve caught the diversity virus.

  • Inflamed Anus
    Inflamed Anus
    July 14, 2021 at 6:29 am

    Once he was on the roof of my truck I would’ve hit the gas and never looked back. Only way that could go wrong is if his dick got caught on the way down on part of the truck, then Id be shoveling a dead nog off my driveway when I got home to my 99% white town.

  • Earl
    July 14, 2021 at 6:13 am

    Looks like Toby escaped. Needs his foot cut off so he dont run no’mo

  • Ray Patriarca
    Ray Patriarca
    July 14, 2021 at 6:02 am

    I hope the Malden Cops tazed him right in the nuts.

  • MA Libtard
    July 14, 2021 at 5:49 am

    What’s the big deal? All he wanted was some purple drank

  • Seeing is believing
    July 14, 2021 at 12:16 am

    This story just screams fake news! I mean where is he keeping his ebt card? His Newport, or Henny?

    Just goes to show ya how easy smuggling can be!

    • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      July 14, 2021 at 1:23 am

      In his Prison Wallet I presume?

    • Floyd George
      July 14, 2021 at 9:35 am

      Can’t get Newpees in Mass and a World Wide Hennee shortage WTF

  • Gay Dave
    July 14, 2021 at 12:08 am

    I’d like to buy 2 vowels

    Pat I will solve the puzzle.

    Who are N_GG_RS

  • Ellen Crowley from Woburn
    July 13, 2021 at 11:47 pm

    Knowing this state, the guy who posted the video will probably be harassed online and labeled a racist. Especially since he mentioned out loud that it was a black guy.

    And guarantee it’s not the smokes fault one bit, I’m sure he’s just a gentle giant, fed up with all the systemic racism and oppression he faces every day of his life.

  • Stop Liberal supremacist's
    July 13, 2021 at 11:16 pm

    He must have hung a wrong turn

  • Peter Dautel
    Darwin, Charles
    July 13, 2021 at 10:40 pm

    Thought I was speechless before with the bLT-123’s, but… I stand corrected.

  • Boston Irish
    Barney Frank
    July 13, 2021 at 10:15 pm

    Oh my I can’t see his cock in this video!

  • LA SPA
    July 13, 2021 at 9:41 pm

    She’s on of our girls…

  • Hipsterbeard Beta-Cuckstein
    July 13, 2021 at 9:01 pm

    Dude was probably over-served and wandered out the door. A good host and hostess could have prevented that.

  • dale woodman
    Defund Welfare
    July 13, 2021 at 8:42 pm

    I don’t understand these folks! If you’re so petrified of the Police … why do things that attract them?
    I have a big property with a lot of trees and vegetation. I don’t avoid all the wasps and stingy things by pasting honey of my back and running around the yard like a Jackass.

  • B
    July 13, 2021 at 8:14 pm

    Tea bagging the sunroof! Maybe Magic Mike inspired today’s episode of spunk and funk in Malden

  • whatevuh
    whatevuh
    July 13, 2021 at 6:26 pm

    Before I even read the article: I’ll take “skin color” for $300 Alex

  • MC Spammer
    July 13, 2021 at 6:10 pm

    Another black man who is terrified of the racist police

  • Corona Bro
    July 13, 2021 at 5:52 pm

    WHERE’S HIS MASK!

    • Stu Pitt
      July 13, 2021 at 9:10 pm

      Right next to his pants.

  • Hunter’s Taint
    July 13, 2021 at 5:49 pm

    Has anyone else noticed that as more women assume positions of power our social conditions have deteriorated?

    I don’t know why but it seems to be true.

    • Death
      July 13, 2021 at 6:53 pm

      That’s because women are terrible leaders. Too much heart, not enough smart. I’ve never met a woman who impressed me with her tactical planning, or coherent thoughts. Never.

      • Sir Adam of Eden
        July 14, 2021 at 7:59 am

        I know where are coming from. Used to live in a great condo complex called Gardens of Eden nice beach lots of trees plenty of fruit Some chic by the name of Eve slithered her way to homeowners board Felt bad the serpents had to crawl on their belly Place no longer exists

      • Eleanor
        July 15, 2021 at 10:14 pm

        You have not met me.

  • He Went Full Mamba
    July 13, 2021 at 5:48 pm

    He just needed a ride home. He lost everything in a crap game.

  • Observer
    July 13, 2021 at 5:41 pm

    Many years ago my wife and I had just exited the Broadway T stop when a homeless guy in front of us, turned around on the sidewalk in front of us, with his penis hanging out, my wife pointed at it and said “oh my God, that is so fucken small” the homeless man looked very embarrassed, turned around and ran away.

  • Loosebeef
    July 13, 2021 at 5:36 pm

    Malden; I guess all that new section ape housing is really helping diversity and inclusion. I wonder if the driver had a sunroof for maximum viewing pleasure?

    • Stu Pitt
      July 13, 2021 at 9:12 pm

      If that crooked old senile fool biden has his way, this will be a common scene in the suburbs.

  • hartf811
    Ding
    July 13, 2021 at 5:29 pm

    If she floored it he would be a black Chinese.
    Name: Ding

  • Boston Irish
    Boston Irish
    July 13, 2021 at 5:28 pm

    Good thing it didn’t happen in Suffolk county

  • "Excuse me while I whip this out!"
    July 13, 2021 at 5:12 pm

    Nailed it!

  • Liawatha
    July 13, 2021 at 5:10 pm

    Is the nude man still at large? And how far is Malden from Cambridge?

    • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      July 14, 2021 at 1:26 am

      We can’t tell if he’s at large, Senator. The photo is censored.

  • Gorilla lives matter!!!
    July 13, 2021 at 5:01 pm

    Harambe gets shot but not this guy?

  • Michelle big balls Obama
    July 13, 2021 at 4:51 pm

    Is that a metco gorilla?

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    July 13, 2021 at 4:42 pm

    This looks like the same guy that did this same thing a few years back in what I think was Ludlow MA.

    I bet they let him out recently so he could do this all over again. I bet it’s the same dude.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      July 13, 2021 at 4:42 pm

      It may have been Palmer

  • Boe Jiden
    Boe Jiden
    July 13, 2021 at 4:25 pm

    That kid is not wearing a hoodie. He is free of skittles.

  • Gatehouse CEO
    July 13, 2021 at 4:23 pm

    Is that Clive McFarlanes daughter? I heard that family fell on hard times after the T&G shit canned Clive. I heard he’s giving blow jobs for money to make ends meet.

  • George wallace
    July 13, 2021 at 4:18 pm

    It’s dey culture

  • But They’re Getting A Starbucks
    July 13, 2021 at 4:16 pm

    But the good news is there have only been three shootings this month Malden is trying desperately to be the next Somerville or Cambridge The residents of that city will ensure that never happens

  • YO, How Y’all Get Dem Skidmarks On TOP O’ Yo Shit???
    July 13, 2021 at 4:15 pm

    Well…the Blue Book value on THAT car just went in the shitter.

  • Jewmerica
    July 13, 2021 at 4:14 pm

    My mom would have been thrilled with this!

Comment on this Post

*

RELATED POSTS
This Truck Driver Was Really, Really Pissed About The 65 Car Accident Pile Up On 290 In Worcester.
Chinese Guy Jumps Seven Floors To His Death To Get Out Of Shopping With Girlfriend
South African Dude Who Pretended To Sign Language Obama’s Nelson Mandela Speech Is Apparently An Insane Murdering Rapist?