Blue Balled Springfield Ratchet Refuses To Pay For 4 Lap Dances At Strip Club, Goes Nuts And Is Arrested For Disrupting The Mood In Lap Dance Room
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
Masslive: After allegedly refusing to pay for four lap dances at a Springfield strip club, Joshua Morales didn’t get a fifth. “I’m not paying for s—,” Morales, 25, of Springfield, announced when police arrived at the Fifth Alarm Lounge on April 24, according to the arrest report.
Around 9 p.m., the bar’s manager called 911 to report that Morales had just received $100 worth of lap dances, at $25 each, and was refusing to pay, the report said. When police told him to pay up, Morales replied, “You can’t make me pay.” When police insisted, Morales began yelling and spouting obscenities — all of which disrupted the mood in the lap dance room, the report said. His behavior “caused five to eight patrons to stop what they were doing and business could not be conducted due to the loud commotion that Mr. Morales (was) causing,” the report said.
That might be the greatest police report I’ve ever read. Five to eight “patrons” stopped what they were doing and business could not be conducted. Translation – it’s hard to keep a boner for the handjob you just paid $50 under the table for if the cops are only separated from you by a child’s twin bed sheets which this strip club is using as a curtain. Because God forbid someone “disrupt the mood in the lap dance room.” Prior to this ratchtacular nudnik raising hell the lap dance room at the Fifth Alarm was an elegant and sophisticated atmosphere for Springfield’s finest and most well respected dignitaries.
Growing more agitated, Morales tried to push his way past the officers and out of the room, the report said. “I don’t have to talk to you anymore. I’m out,” he said. A few minutes later, he was in a cruiser, being transported to police headquarters.
Love the way this was written. Well done sir.
There, he was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
The next morning, he pleaded not guilty to both charges in Springfield District Court. Under a plea agreement approved by Judge Michele Ouimet-Rooke, the charges were reduced to civil infractions and Morales agreed to pay fines to settle each one. The total amount was $150, or the price of six lap dances.
It was all just a big misunderstanding. One of the dancers asked him if he wanted to “play just the tip.” But he thought she said he only had to “pay just the tip.” And everyone knows Springfield ratchets don’t tip well. Plus, how the hell did the bill go up to $150? Did this guy get two more lap dances in the squad car?
I had no idea a lap dance was a legally binding agreement until now. Look, I understand that everyone needs to get paid, but $25 for a lap dance at a strip club in Springfield seems outrageous. Springfield strip clubs make the news all the time, and it’s not because they raised a bunch of money for the Jimmy Fund. It’s because someone done got shot, or they accidentally hired a 16 year old dancer. Plus, just by looking at some of the talent on their Facebook page, no way I’m paying that bill either:
Yes, that’s right. They have heavy hitter night at the Fifth Alarm in Springfield. I feel like there’s more to this story. Why didn’t this guy pay? Because I can totally picture Tits McGee here taking a dump on his leg. You can’t shit on a guy’s leg and still expect payment. Unless of course you work in Springfield.
Their Facebook page really is amazing too. I’ve never seen a strip club post videos of their talent performing on social media before, but the Fifth Alarm stopped giving any fucks a long, long time ago:
Pretty sure that’s some legitimate T&A going on there. And it’s up on their publicly viewable Facebook page. Welcome to Springfield.
Then there’s this:
You know you’re in Springfield when a bald woman is stuffing her ass in the faces of a bunch of guys in varsity jackets as they rain down counterfeit one dollar bills on her.
This guy who refused to pay must’ve stood out like a sore thumb, because the rest of the clientele is primarily dignified gentlemen:
They also seem to have a lot of turnover, due to customers not paying for lap dances. This promising young lady responded to their announcement that they are looking for new dancers, and anxiously awaited their reply:
Their DJ’s of course wear flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hats:
They apparently raffle off lap dance with posters of women who clearly do not work at this strip club:
They have ice cream night:
And if you’re really lucky you’ll get backstage passes to the locker room where the GED express will smother you with blue balls:
The bottom line is, I say “free my boi” on this one. There’s gotta be more to the story. A man just doesn’t refuse to pay for four lap dances out of the blue. Something happened, and I would expect the Fifth Alarm to erectify this situation immediately.
P.S. I think I understand why Princeza Aponte works at the Magic Lantern in Monson. Even she’s a slight step above what we found on that Facebook page.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.