• Broke Peabody Anti-Vaxxer Shart-Blossom “Actor” Looking For Girls Down With Chew-And-Screw Dates, Who Don’t Talk Back On Their Periods



    Broke Peabody Anti-Vaxxer Shart-Blossom “Actor” Looking For Girls Down With Chew-And-Screw Dates, Who Don’t Talk Back On Their Periods

    Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at[email protected] for more information.

    Have a Turtleboy-worthy story from the Merrimack Valley? Email me at [email protected]

    Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM


     

    You know, I usually write about local criminals, drug dealers, prostitutes and all-around craptastic individuals but today I felt like changing it up a little. If I had a dollar for every hoodrat with a trunk full of fentanyl and a warrant I’d be polishing up my platinum Reebok classics and clicking my heels straight out of the 978 (just kidding I love the Mingya Valley.)

    Instead, I felt like pracing my ass into the Turtleboy kitchen to whip up a double shameburger and extra-salty french cries for this idiot:

    This is Pete Bouras aka Pete Spallone and when he isn’t taking gym pics in his Lady Grace man-tank he spends his time posting mind-numbing drivel on social media. Anything and everything that comes out of the boner-socket located just under his nose is steaming garbage and if he’s arrogant enough to post it, I’m more than happy to share it with all 100,000+ Turtle riders.

    Pete is an “actor” from Lawrence but claims he’s from Boston (just like every other no-talent grundle mollusk in the ‘biz.)

    He’s like, super famous.

    In addition to the staggering credentials listed above, he’s starred in other A-list television shows like Jerry Springer:

    Call William Morris and write up a contract because Pete’s the next big thing!

    Just kidding. He sucks.

    Listen, there’s no shame in pursuing a talent and I have great admiration for the arts on any level. What I don’t admire is a smart-mouthed assflap who uses social media to post the following idiocy:

    Apparently Petey thinks pulling a chew and screw and leaving wait staff to foot the bill is no big deal. Also not a big deal? His reputation. I’m glad he put out a disclaimer that he doesn’t care if people think he’s an ambulatory diaper pail. At least this way he won’t be whining to Desk Girl after he Googles his name and finds this article… Right?

    But wait, it gets better. According to his LinkedIn, (yes, a broke man with a “Can I be your side n word” shirt has a LinkedIn page) he worked in the restaurant industry for 10 years:

    However, now that he’s a famous actor he has no time for that world, and has apparently forgotten what it’s like to be a waitress depending on tips to feed her family.

    Pete isn’t just an actor though. He’s also a relationship guru with a stellar concept of all things romance:

    Yea, some girls deserve lobster while others deserve burger and fries. Doesn’t matter to Pete because he’s not paying either way.

    Yeah, solid relationship advice. Ladies, make sure you jot this all down as your official Mingya Valley cheat-sheet on how to please mediocre men with bad facial hair. I’m sure Pete is beating women off with a stick left and right.

    More likely: He’s just beating off.

    Nothing makes my uterus squeal with excitement like a man resembling Mr. Clean in Easter Sunday formal wear with a brillo pad glued to his chin:

    Remember that time he went on a blind date and had an article written about it in the Boston Globe? That went well.

    Nothing breaks the ice like telling a woman she “needs to get out more.” Ya see what happened on this date? He brought up politics and then told her she needed to “research the stuff we talked about.” In other words, he hasn’t paid attention to politics his entire life. But now that he subscribes to either Breitbart or Occupy Democrats he now has the answer to everything, and those who don’t need to “research.” Because what chick doesn’t wanna talk politics and gang violence on the first date?

    Yes, I’m sure she was absolutely dying for your phone number.

    Womp wompppp.

    What. A. Twat.

    Oh yeah, he’s also a well-versed anti-vaxxer.

    I dunno about you, but I put 100% faith in a dude who posts about the harms of immunizations and looks like this:

    Peter Bouras, M.D.

    So there you have it, Merrimack Valley’s #1 Dine & dash, woman shaming, vaccine conspiracy theorist and all-around arrogant spunk bubble.

    If you’re a server and have Pete seated at your next table feel free to rub his prime rib across your grundle a few times. I’m sure his non-vaccinated immune system will be just fine and if he drops dead his date will tip you 25%.

    P.S. Need this shirt immediately.

     

     

    We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

    Screen Shot 2017-03-31 at 2.17.19 PM

    screen-shot-2016-12-05-at-8-36-43-pm

    Screen Shot 2017-02-01 at 10.32.58 AM

    Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 10.29.56 AM

    Screen Shot 2017-02-27 at 10.14.48 AM

    4ba27317-991b-4352-b70d-f489eadcfdef (1)

    Screen Shot 2017-03-25 at 8.48.23 PM

    Join the Discussion

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    Discussion

    1. Sterling Turtle Rider


      Nothing screams ‘desperation’ like going on a blind date for a newspaper article… he hoped a dying industry could resurrect his dead sex life.

      1. wabbitt


        I won’t talk because I’m about to that level of desperation…

    2. JoeMomma


      I get all of my medical advice from a high school dropout too

    3. Stormhund1488


      Wood!

    4. Amanda


      Lmfao y’all do know that his Facebook is for entertainment right? Smh people don’t actually take social media seriously. Anyone that personally knows him knows what type of person he is but this article is pretty funny too bad it’s written based off a comedic social media account lmao this right here is exactly the point to be talked about so thank you turtle boy for the promotion haha

      1. TurtsMcGurts


        Yeah cool story Amanda. Pete better make sure his very young and impressionable daughter doesn’t take his “entertainment” to heart. Daddy loves you, but if you grow up ugly don’t expect anyone to treat you well! Ah well, we can’t all meet a Prince Charming to take us out to steal lobster dinners.

      2. Jackie


        He is a TOOL. THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ABOUT HIM ON EVERY DETAIL. HE FRIEND REQUESTED ME A COUPLE YEARS AGO AND TRIED SO HARD TO SHOW OFF & MAKE ME “LIKE” HIM…
        HE’S A F*CKING IDIOT!!!
        @TURTLEBOYSPORTS, I’D BE HAPPY TO ELABORATE IF YOU WANT ME TO.
        ***ANYONE WHO DOES THE DINE & DASH OR WEARS A TEE SHIRT THAT SAYS WHAT HIS “SIDE N- WORD” SHIRT SAYS DESERVES TO BE EXPOSED FOR THE PIECE OF TRASH THAT HE IS…

      3. Um Uh


        Sooo….. that’s Pete, right?

    5. Side Nigga


      How pathetic is it that you’re so afraid to use the “n word” that you can’t even quote his shirt without having to be PC about it?

      1. Jackie


        The DUDE is WHITE!!!!
        And it’s a disrespectful word, that’s how, you ass hat!

    6. BUFFALOJOHN


      Another one. Come April 14th, on the IRS, All that taxable income on $21K

    7. wabbitt


      If someone tells me they’re anti vaccine, I just instantly disregard anything else they say. Because they’re obviously fucking retarded.

      1. hahahaohreally


        but but… his meme said it causes shaken baby syndrome!! I don’t know how these vaccines are shaking babies but this shit needs to stop!

    8. Springernigga


      Piece of shit dude is not from Lawrence…he’s just a wanna be! But good thing you pulled his card, this dude is also into hitting woman. His poor daughter gotta be raised by a dirt bag woman hater… this is getting plenty of shares on FB and Twitter…

      1. Um Uh


        how pathetic do you have to be to “wanna be” from Lawrence?

  • arrow