All-Star Criminals

Captain Dickwasher Brags About Not Running From Scene Of Crime After Killing Man While Driving Drunk And Laughing During Mugshot


This is Jayquan Hemingway from Hartford.

Back in May he killed a man while driving drunk and thought it would be wise to laugh it up while posing for his mugshot.

After his arrest he took to Facebook to brag about how he wasn’t laughing about the fact that he just killed a man, the officers were just cracking jokes.

And now he wants a cookie for “standing there like a man,” as if he has any sort of choice.

Meanwhile the ratchet patrol was giving him a cookie for not running from the scene of the crime.

A great way to prove you’re a man is to not drive drunk and kill people in the first place. Just sayin.

But we can rest assured because his drinking and driving days are out the window now.

One fatality, everyone knows the rules.

I was sent this story six months ago and the family of the victim was quite upset. I didn’t have time to get around to doing it, but today was a slow day so I went to check out his Facebook page to see if he was still pretending to be remorseful.

Nope. Getting high, pouring drinks, and planning out Christmas with his crotch fruit. He’s not in jail yet, but he should forever be on Turtleboy for being such a piece of shit.


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34 Comment(s)
  • Ernest
    November 11, 2020 at 4:47 pm

    Jayquan is what happens when you have too many mojitos in Havana. Sorry guys.

  • XavierParas
    November 11, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    “Lying and laughing… laughing and lying!”

    -George Constanza

  • Travis Bickle
    November 11, 2020 at 11:12 am

    It may not seem that way, but always remember that diversity is our greatest strength. Just sayin’…

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    November 11, 2020 at 9:56 am

    It’s a dark mood, but if Biden does steal the election, things are going to get so shitty that even the idiot Biden supporters will regret their stupidity. They’ll never admit their mistake though, liberals NEVER admit their mistakes.

    But I’ll be there in their faces to point at them and laugh at their stupidity. And also blame them 100% for the damage. Going to be saying “How did Biden (Harris) work out for you?” to those idiots quite often in the next 4 years.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      November 11, 2020 at 9:58 am

      I’m looking forward to making those jerks regret their stupidity. Not much else to look forward to under Biden. Might as well see a positive side to it. And the positive side will be the backlash those idiots will receive.

  • Democrats have exploited Minorities for 6 decades
    November 11, 2020 at 9:48 am

    I suppose when you got zero in life to be proud of for accomplishments, you can chalk up your sticking around your crime scene after somebody died as a major milestone.

    • Antifa
      November 11, 2020 at 3:44 pm

      This is why both BLM and Antifa voted overwhelmingly for Trump.

  • Big daddy Ed Roth
    November 11, 2020 at 7:11 am

    The Democrats failed immigration social experiment has transformed our cities and towns . The damage is irreparable, we are on track for our welfare state to become a banana republic . It will deteriorate even more under Biden . Good luck

  • J
    November 11, 2020 at 12:42 am

    Is it any wonder that 1 in 3 of these people wind up in prison at some point in their lives? They have no regard for anyone but themselves

  • Guinea Geisha
    November 11, 2020 at 12:29 am

    Somewhere out there is a lonely inmate with a nice hard cot just waiting for him.

  • King's English
    November 10, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    What the fuck language are all those FB comments? Completely unrecognizable as anything intelligent. These animals should just grunt and pick the lice and gnats off each other. Nauseating fucks.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    November 10, 2020 at 6:25 pm

    Ive said it before, you wait patiently for a few years, let the whole thing die down, then 2am some morning you blow him away, it’ll be chalked up to street violence. Case Closed.

  • Huhhh
    November 10, 2020 at 6:14 pm

    This guy posted a $300k bail?

  • Boe Jiden
    What is up?!....
    November 10, 2020 at 6:03 pm

    Highway Fatalities, Opioid Fatalities, Suicides, Murders, Domestic Violence, Crime, and an untreated behavioral psychological epidemic.
    However, there is a Democratic Elect President. All will be fine, The Liberals have a finger on the pulse.
    All is well. All is well!!

  • Let Me Off This Fucking Thing...
    November 10, 2020 at 5:46 pm

    The ignorance…the sheer fucking ignorance…is fucking mind-numbing. It’s fucking mind-numbing.
    You can’t fix it. You can’t “de-program” it “re-program” this shit.

    It’s fucking horrifying is what it is. We are a fucking third-world country.


    (Other than that I’m fucking speechless…wtf.)

  • Addiction is a bitch
    November 10, 2020 at 4:05 pm

    Yeah, this kid puts on a good front but you know he has a hole in his sole…hence the drinking and the drugging.

    Be advised, this kid probably has some serious mental health issues. It’s not outside the realms of possibility that this kid is a suicide case. If he suicides himself after this…well, say g’bye to your house, Aiden…his people will be coming after it, or something. The third rail, bro.

    Then again, maybe he’s just another garden variety sociopath bloomin in the hood. Anyway…

    • Wtf are you babbling about right now?
      November 10, 2020 at 5:39 pm

      Shut the fuck up.


      Just shut the fuck up.

  • Fam should sue
    November 10, 2020 at 3:57 pm

    if they want to be awarded his vast collection of Jordan’s and matching hoodies.

  • Hu Fartted
    November 10, 2020 at 3:48 pm

    Who knew that getting loaded and killing someone was just a honest mistake? Thank God we have ghettos.

  • Jack Straw from Wichita
    Sick of ratchets
    November 10, 2020 at 3:46 pm

    Eladio LeBron, 44, died at the hospital…

    Now if they just lock Jayquan up for a few years it’ll be a win-win…

    • Filenes Basement Shopper. I Love a Good Bargain
      November 10, 2020 at 4:16 pm

      I prefer to call it what it is a 2 for 1 sale.

  • King Richards Faire
    November 10, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    If your named Jayquan your likely guilty of something serious.

    • King Friday
      November 10, 2020 at 3:42 pm

      how dare you

      • King Richards Faire
        November 10, 2020 at 3:45 pm

        Fuck off you pint sized nut gobbler.

  • Lindsey Vonn
    November 10, 2020 at 3:37 pm

    He seems nice.

    • Tiger’s Taint
      November 10, 2020 at 10:54 pm

      You’re so predictable, Lindsey.

  • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
    November 10, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    Step of bitch.
    Its his culture and I will be prosecuting tbe racist arresting officers.

    • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      Luke Fondleberg
      November 11, 2020 at 1:39 am

      Only if you get a Federal position….He’s in Connecticut.

      • Ratchet Rollins D.A.
        November 11, 2020 at 3:58 pm

        Dis Joe Bidens America now.
        Rule of law no l9nger applies up in dis bitch America now.
        Have you forgotten dat we done stole da election already.
        No rules in a bannana republic.

        • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
          Luke Fondleberg
          November 11, 2020 at 8:53 pm

          You spelled it wrong:
          H A R R I S
          It was the only option on the mail-in ballots.

  • Boston Irish
    No. Ni@@@er zone
    November 10, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    Jayquan? Noggs are animals

  • Jane Goodall
    November 10, 2020 at 3:18 pm

    He will likely be killed and eaten by one of the Alpha males

    November 10, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Nope now everyone can start harrassing his ass to make him miserable

    • Derpin’ to a De Da Dee
      November 10, 2020 at 11:51 pm

      I’m giving you a heads-up Mr. Malone. Don’t put you email in the name in comment section. Make up a moniker, preferably a funny one.

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