All-Star Criminals

Carrie Underthesea Goes Full Crazy Chick With Breakup, Plants Lobster Tails All Over Ex-Boyfriend’s House And Car, Pretends To Be In Cuba To Cover Her Tracks

Have a tip for a story? Email us at [email protected]

Follow us on Twitter by clicking here

Follow us on Instagram by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Forever Facebook page to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at [email protected] for more information.








SourceA Trumbull woman is facing a felony charge for a series of actions against an ex-boyfriend from Tolland and the accusations include vandalism and strategically placing seafood in his home and car to create smelly situations, an arrest warrant indicates. The case dates back to Sept. 30, when a 38-year-old Tolland man went to the state police Troop C barracks to complain about what a warrant describes as harassment by his ex-girlfriend, 29-year-old Rachael Marinaccio, of Trumbull.

The man said their relationship had been deteriorating and they went on a cruise together regardless and things did not go well, according to a warrant. She allegedly told him she once put sardines in an ex-boyfriend’s car air conditioning vent for revenge, a warrant states. Two days before the complaint was filed, she had spent the night and the man woke up to a 5-five page breakup letter that made him nervous, according to a warrant.

On Oct, 2, he found a lobster tail glued to the wall behind the refrigerator, according to a warrant. Troopers then inspected the man’s property and found more lobster tails under the rug in the rear seat of his truck, according to a warrant. Damage to the man’s vehicles included key marks, a warrant indicates. The man secured a restraining order on Oct. 8, court records indicate. A warrant says the man met Marinaccio via the online dating app Bumble, which has the slogan, “Life’s Short. Make the first move,” on its homepage.

She was arrested on a warrant Feb. 15, appeared in court once and is due back on March 13, court records show.

This same exact shit happened to me sophomore year at UMass. Somehow they had lobster night at the dining commons. I thought nothing of it. Then couple days later me and my roommate started to blame each other for the room smelling like shit. This was a rather common occurrence though. I argued it was his disgusting unkempt grundle that was the culprit. He said it was my unwashed sorostitute sheets.

Then after a while it became unbearable. It was unlivable. So we tore the room apart, and hidden deep underneath the bunk beds were three rotting lobster corpses. As soon as we found them the kids who lived across the hall immediately came into our room bursting out laughing. It was one of the greatest pranks I’ve ever been a part of because they’d watched us blame each other all week and somehow kept their dirty little secret buried deep inside their soulless bodies. We had no choice but to respect the hustle.

My point here is simple – this is one twisted bitch. And this poor guy probably could’ve figured that out by looking at her Facebook profile picture collections:


When your entire collection of profile pictures are all selfies from that close range, you know you’re dealing with a crazy bitch. That’s just science.

Remember, this guy went to the cops on September 30 to file a complaint after she left what I would imagine to be an insane five page breakup letter where seafood was a recurring theme. Here’s the profile picture she posted on September 30:

Notice she specifically cropped out half of the guy’s face. That’s her sending a message loud and clear – crazy shit’s about to go down.

And just to throw off the cops, look where she checked into on September 30:

Havana. Now I know Cuba’s a communist, backwards country. But I to me that picture doesn’t look current. Maybe it is still 1959 in Havana, I dunno. But the timing is odd, especially since she was back at her place barbecuing the next day:

He found the lobster tails the following day, October 2. And I know from experience that it takes about a week before the smell becomes unbearable. Clearly this chick planned it all out, left her crazy breakup note, and walked away with a smile on her face knowing she had planted the crustacean bombs in so many different places.

Meanwhile Carrie Underthesea has a warrant out for her arrest and she’s flying around the country and running half marathons and shit:

So the lesson here is simple – don’t date any woman you meet online who only posts up close selfies on Facebook. Because chances are she’s skilled the art of the seafood breakup and things will not end well for you.

26 Comment(s)
  • Sebastian The Crab
    February 28, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    I went to high school with this girl, I also see her around town frequently and she looks NOTHING like these photos. Lol. Every single one is extremely filtered and also made to make herself seem thinner. So sad, damn.

  • Wouldn't pull out
    February 28, 2018 at 9:02 am

    This is the type of chick that tells you a rubber is not needed and gets pissed if you pull out.

  • Weebles wobble
    February 26, 2018 at 6:15 pm

    Classic Thousand Cok Stare.

  • Stunt Penis
    February 26, 2018 at 11:59 am

    She has a pretty face. But looks like she may have fat-gurl titties. Go, have to see a full body shot before I can evaluate on the Wood Scale.

    As I always tell my boy…. “Son, don’t stick your dick in crazy… unless you have a pre-determined escape plan and bug-out bag fully stocked.”

    • Bill Clinton
      February 27, 2018 at 7:28 am

      Fat-gurl titties or not, they’d still make an excellent suborbital launch platform for my protein ejections onto her face.

  • ElJefe72
    February 26, 2018 at 9:37 am

    Most definitely would.

    But only after giving her a fake name, phone number, and address. 

  • Brian loves the cock
    February 26, 2018 at 9:24 am

    She has the crazy eyes.

  • Finn
    February 26, 2018 at 9:10 am

    I’d kill to see that 5-page breakup letter. Can anyone get on that? Stat.

  • z
    February 26, 2018 at 8:57 am

    Rachael, you are 29 years old. Keep taking the selfies all you want (personally I don’t get the point if the photo is only you in it), but it’s time to leave the butterflys, halos and angel wings behind.

  • vicxh
    February 26, 2018 at 8:28 am

    Mambo no 5. I need a little bit of Leigha on the side, a little bit of Rae makes me feel all right…

  • vicxh
    February 26, 2018 at 8:26 am

    Rachel, MSP is hiring dispatchers and I hear that you may have a good chance at acing the interview and going to the MSP academy as long as you are willing to work “hard”, “one on one” and “outside normal business hours”. Also don’t forget to befriend one of the women colonel too …

  • Yuck
    February 26, 2018 at 8:06 am

    Wow, the crazy is strong in this woman. And she is smoking hot. Crazy chicks are the best in the sack. That insanity translates to some really naughty shit when she gets naked. The downside is they do other crazy things, like leaving seafood to stink up your crib. But man, if you can tolerate the bat shit lunacy, she”ll more than make up for it when doing the nasty.

  • Dave Marchiano
    February 26, 2018 at 7:12 am

    Rachael… the picture you posted (9/30/17) with the guy cropped out is the best photo of you. Quit the close-ups. They aren’t flattering. You’re a good looking woman from 5′ away. That’s a compliment… you’re not bad. I couldn’t get a 5-footer if I tried. If looks & intelligence aren’t important to you, hit me up on Bumble.

    • vicxh
      February 26, 2018 at 8:30 am

      What about the smelly clam. And I don’t mean the seafood….

  • They call me Ponch
    February 26, 2018 at 5:47 am

    Cuba has old cars secondary to the embargo. It’s part of the “ charm”.

    • z
      February 26, 2018 at 7:02 am

      Notice the car in front has people in the back seat of a convertible. It’s a thing for old car hobbyists to go there and do.

      In a May 11, 2017 story in the Economist, a used 2012 Hyundai Accent goes for about 63,000 CUC (Cuban convertible peso) with an exchange rate of 1 CUC to 1 US Dollar.

      There are all kinds of 40s to 50s US cars with Russian engines and transmissions in them to keep them on the road.

      Also notice the crane in the distance. I don’t think they had those back in the day.

  • Bill Blades
    February 26, 2018 at 4:35 am

    I thought the same thing, it is easy to miss. It is there though, so fuck them.

  • Art Apart
    February 26, 2018 at 4:28 am

    She is gorgeous. Probably worth the price of a few hidden stank lobster tails.

  • Hardwood Delucci
    February 26, 2018 at 3:13 am

    Tolland Patch ran this story 3 days ago. Don’t see a cite or reference? Rachael works for the CT Drug Card Program, a privately funded pharma program serving CT needy. She has always beena little left of center, but she’s a real nice person. The issue with the BF is he was chating on her and wouldnt admit it even though some hoe told her about his infidelities. Guy’s lucky all he got was seafood bombed.

    • Hoots
      February 26, 2018 at 4:07 am

      Literally the first word of this article says “source” and is a link. 

    • z
      February 26, 2018 at 7:13 am

      And if this incident goes all the way to end, she possibly ends up with a record and has potential issues down the road getting a job. The google machine is forever. She’ll be lucky if that doesn’t happen.

      Just leave the turd and move on. There’s heat of the moment passion and premeditation. This is premeditation. You don’t get pissed and just have a freezer full of lobster tails laying around.

      I miss the days of blue underlined links in text. Wouldn’t hurt for “Source” to have been one.

      • vicxh
        February 26, 2018 at 8:32 am

        Not if she applies for dispatcher position at the MSP.. I heard they are willing to overlook a felony or two for the right person ….

    • Finn
      February 26, 2018 at 9:34 am

      “Guy’s lucky all he got was seafood bombed.”

      Fuck you.

      Seriously – eat a bag of dicks. They dated. Briefly. She didn’t have his children, marry him, live with him, etc. She DATED him.

      Let me guess, you’re one of her bat-shit crazy friends. You shitheads all stick together and wonder why you’re perpetually single.

      Get Fucked,

      • 2 Finns Don't Make a Sawbuck (Or A Man)
        February 26, 2018 at 7:30 pm

        Easy there, Cruz II. You’re gonna blow a gasket with all that pent up, ego shattering rage.

        Looks like Finnie is a little sensitive when it comes to breakups. Didn’t realize blow up dolls or anime could break hearts. It’s not hard to believe Finn spends the majority of his time stalking and imagining he’s having relationships with chicks that don’t know he’s alive – so projecting anger at this unattainable fantasy is his outlet. Well, that and trolling this blog.

        • Cuckleberry Finn
          February 26, 2018 at 7:42 pm

          I’m sorry. She just reminds me of my gf Becky. She makes me pay for everything, and after I finish my chores I have to video her and my bestie Tom having 3 ways with Injun Joe. I just want her to remember my real name is Huck – not Cuck.

        • Finn
          February 26, 2018 at 10:42 pm

          I tickled that you’re so sure who I am. That makes me feel warm inside (dare I say “excited”?. You’re a little lost.


Comment on this Post


White Trash Hero Wears T-Shirt With His Mugshot On It From Last Time He Was Arrested At Latest Mugshot Photoshoot
Tsarnaev Sister Threatened Boyfriend’s Ex With A Bomb Because She’s A Muslim Terrorist And A Tsarnaev And This Is What They Do Best
Ladies Night At TBSports: Will Women Read Our Official Rankings Of NFL Teams Blog?