Hoodrat Heroes

Chelsea Chef Droolia Wild Is Upset We Blogged About Her Ratchet Henny Strawberry Delivery, Reported Us To The Attorney Generals Office For Racism


This is Reka Vilarson,


the classy young entrepreneur responsible for this shining example of Chelsea concierge service we blogged about earlier today:


Hennything is possible, except this broad obtaining the proper licenses and tax ID to sell boozy ratchet nectar fruit confections out of the back seat of her ’01 Honda civic.

As it turns out, Reka was less than thrilled with the blog, and she let us know in the most gloriously all caps, expletive riddled string of barely coherent threats I could have ever wished for.


Attorney General’s office, huh? That’s a new one.

I read and re-read the blog several times and couldn’t find the term “porch monkey”, or any other reference to race, derogatory or otherwise, anywhere. I think Reka is confused. She’s also confused about the proper channels to handle and serve liquor, the role of the Attorney General, and rudimentary laws of grammar, like when to use capitalization and punctuation.


Well, ok then. Apparently she’s coming after all our “real jobs”, children, and going to (presumably) beat us up for derogatory racial slurs we didn’t use. She seems stable, and certainly not propensed to violence.


Oh, whoops! I never would have guessed that a classy broad hawking chocolate and brown liquor soaked fruit with a face like this


Would have assault and battery and witness intimidation charges. Truly shocking. File this one under “So Chelsea it burns when I pee now”.

Anywho, Reka, I would love it if you wanted to continue our lovely little chat on the Turtleboy Live Show this weekend. I really am anxiously awaiting the proof of your liquor license, food handling certification and tax ID number. Or at least an explanation as to why you feel like simply stating you made no sales is some sort of defense. I’d also like to know the logic on threatening us with the Attorney General’s office over a blog written about your illegal business practices. It feels sort of like a drug dealer complaining to the police that we blogged about him selling crack, but what do I know? Ah oh, by the way,


Some of our Turtleriders would like to know, too. But whatever you do guys, do NOT message her and ask to see her liquor license. She’s already changed her name to Geta Clue, so obviously she does not want to be bothered with things like laws or safe food handling, or taxes.

35 Comment(s)
  • Richyrich
    February 17, 2019 at 8:28 am

    With all of the force ten ratchetry that needs to be chronicled, this is just lame. Leave the woman alone. Surely you can Find someone more worthy of your skewering.

  • big daddy
    February 16, 2019 at 5:30 pm

    Just curious, when she’s banging all the meth cowboys from the north shore, is her little man there in the other room or the same room watching Sponge-Bob in ESP?

  • Burlando Castile
    February 16, 2019 at 1:45 pm

    I personally would’ve thrown “Reka’s Ratchberries” somewhere in the title myself.

  • Maggie the Cat
    February 15, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    Actually, I think this product is a very good idea. You get a little bit of Henny, just enough to kill the bacteria in the strawberries. In return you get strawberries, so you can tell your doctor you eat plenty of fruit. It’s a win-win.

  • Leanne
    February 15, 2019 at 1:38 pm

    I couldn’t read through every single screen shot because it got boring. Did this girl really make it on the blog for selling some liquor infused strawberries she made? I could care less about that, she’s not abusing my tax dollars doing it. Would you blog about kids selling lemonade without a permit? This was lame. Go back to food stamp Fridays and calling out bozo politicians.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    February 15, 2019 at 1:25 pm

    I can’t believe you all missed the point of this blog. She is hot as fuck. How dare anyone question what she does?

  • Chef Boyardee
    February 15, 2019 at 10:41 am

    Got to give her some credit for being an entrepreneur, hey at least she tried to make money without scamming, stealing or begging. On the other hand, people do need to follow minimal health code standards before selling food to strangers. Here’s to hoping she gets incorporated, licensed, and has success with her venture.

  • Beverly Graves
    Kim k
    February 15, 2019 at 10:30 am

    Turtleboy cannot control comments on a local moms group where she posted this for sale. Thats why she is bitching cause someone called her out on it which is illegal. I wonder does she check id’s before handing over a tray of liquor? Hmm
    They all cry racist yet the only racist comments i saw was from her to turtleboy

  • randall guy
    February 15, 2019 at 10:04 am

    This ho claimed on FB something bit her on the foot at Olive Garden and tried for the ghetto lottery. Turned out to be one of her own crabs LOL LOL LOL. cheap tramp

  • blue balls
    February 15, 2019 at 9:59 am

    This ho claimed something bit her on the foot at Olive Garden and tried for the ghetto lottery. Turned out to be one of her own crabs LOL LOL LOL. cheap tramp

  • 3 Chainz
    February 15, 2019 at 8:21 am

    Yo don’t buy from dis wetback. Da bitch waters down the Henney N cutz her crack wit baking soda!

  • Chico
    February 15, 2019 at 7:40 am

    A coworker from DR got mad when I made a joke about Chelsea although unsurprisingly she lived in Lynn. Like I was rassist or something. Meanwhile her daughter gets a full boat ride to Bryn Mawr or somewhere cause her skin is brown. I worked in Chelsea for eight years, and it is a parody of itself.

  • WeRFuked
    February 15, 2019 at 7:14 am

    Wrecka… let me tell you why I think the original blog about your berries appeared on TBS.
    A black girl selling Hennessy infused anything in a community that is around 10% African-American is stereotypical, and that makes it somewhat humorous. Comedians often mention blacks & Henny. If you Wreka had advertised these as red wine infused strawberries, it wouldn’t be so funny, and the blog probably wouldn’t have been published.
    Your Facebook post is just adding validity to what people often say; Black people like Hennessy. Is there a liquor that you can pin to any other race more than that? And that’s fine. So what.
    Sadly there are some commenters that either are truly F’d up racists, or just want the blog to look racist. Uncle talks about this problem in his book. I love this comment section. It is often very funny and witty. But some comments aren’t funny. They’re just dumb.
    I don’t think that the majority of us are racists. If you put in an hard days work, live your life honestly, don’t have a bunch of kids by different fathers, or haven’t fathered a bunch of kids with different mothers, try to be a good person and a productive member of society, most of us don’t care what color you are. And this is the single best recipe to never have to talk to desk girl about getting a blog taken down on TBS.
    Wrecka please contact TBNews and ask for the desk girl. She’ll go over the steps to get the blog taken down.

  • To the starfish and beyond!
    February 15, 2019 at 5:33 am

    Like anyone else pushing illegal goods, make her take her own product till she passes out.
    Only difference is she won’t OD, just a sore tummy and a hangover. Oh, and maybe a sore bummy too, so she remembers what she did was wrong for the next couple of weeks, every time she has to go pinch off a Chelsea burrito special.

    February 15, 2019 at 1:29 am

    You didnt know my man. Laws only apply to people who are outside of the democratic party. If you’re a leftyloon it’s a free for all & the judges let it happen.

    Look at that leftyloon gay actor thingamabob. He made a false police report of a fake hate crime. You think hes going to get any backlash over it? I think not. They will praise him and throw him a dinner party & go fund me. Fuck, the dude should have atleast waited till April first to pull that stunt.

    February 15, 2019 at 1:21 am

    All I could think about with that name. was the intro song to a show called ureeka’s castle lmao. That was on when I was a lil one.

    I bet you ten dollars in food stamps. If there was such a term used here that she claims. And the police tracked it. (Ahh fuck it! I’ll bet you fifty dollars in food stamps. Two wic checks a bulls hat & a mass health card) that the comment would be traced back to her safe-link wireless (lol) phone.

  • Jack
    February 15, 2019 at 12:13 am

    Delusional hustler, hope she gets busted too. Guess laws apply to some, not all.

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    February 14, 2019 at 11:38 pm

    I’m sure that, with a little prompting, the Health Department would descend on our little entrepreneur like a sandbag from orbit…

    I don’t think her kitchen could pass, let alone has ever seen, a health inspection.

  • Y
    February 14, 2019 at 11:34 pm

    Calling someone racist is the laziest arguement one can make. The dems have totally ruined the term and turned it into the boy who cried wolf.
    Fuck the liquor license, tax ID, etc., does she and her family have property documentation for living in the USA?

  • Let the girl earn a couple hundred bucks
    February 14, 2019 at 11:18 pm

    at least she is doing something to make some money other than sitting around. Are we really that upset that she makes a couple hundred bucks tax free. Found a product that has a demand for it so good for her.

  • Tom Brady
    February 14, 2019 at 10:48 pm

    Is she selling those in a foil baking pan lol..Classy

  • Uncle Cracka
    February 14, 2019 at 10:30 pm

    I would not buy anthing from a Porch Monkey.

  • Chip Striker
    February 14, 2019 at 10:21 pm

    I love how they sell liquor illegally and play the race card when called out.

    I she sells one of those to a minor is it racist to call her out?

    What do I know though, I’m just a dumb Tom Brady.

  • Throwing Shade
    February 14, 2019 at 10:09 pm

  • Maura Healy
    February 14, 2019 at 10:05 pm

    Jesus Bristol, you knew how to push her buttons. I laughed my ass off reading that exchange. Don’t worry, I won’t be pursuing it.

  • Shari’s Berries
    February 14, 2019 at 10:01 pm

    Someone has been indulging in too much home made alcohol infused sweet treats

  • The tale of little Victoria and TB sports
    February 14, 2019 at 9:55 pm

    Turtleboy is starting to remind me of this girl in my sons class, Victoria. She would tell the teacher if you had a lollipop in class even though the bell was about to ring for the day. She was constantly ratting on kids and was all around an annoying little cry baby tattletale. Fast forward to 6th grade and everyone hates her , including the teachers.
    Dont be a Victoria.

    • Stephanie Furlan
      Victoria’s Mom
      February 17, 2019 at 10:22 am

      Ha ha ha!! My daughter’s name is Victoria. She’s the biggest narc ever. She’s only in the second grade. I always tell her she’s not going to have friends when she’s older because she’s going to Victoria them to death

  • Jacques Az
    February 14, 2019 at 9:42 pm

    Let Miss Chelsea know when I slide over this weekend to get my Katz’s pizza bagel around 0200 Saturday morning when I’m all pie-eyed, I will share a Bukkake bagel with her. She gets the first bite. It will be salty enough, no need for Lox.

    • There is nothing good about chelsea other than Katz bagels
      February 15, 2019 at 6:52 pm

      Thanks Jacques, now I need to make the 3 hour round trip to Katz to get pizza bagels. That fucking place has been so good for decades

  • Big Wick
    February 14, 2019 at 9:17 pm

    Bristol has such a way with words, and tact, and persistence… LOVE it! Poor Reka hasn’t a clue how blog comments work. I appreciate TBS allowing ALL comments… even with the dickheads.

    Hey, Reka, get a clue (wink wink), and maybe also a lawyer. Threaten TurtleBoySports? Here’s some free advice: the First Amendment protections trump Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms violations. See ya in court. And get rid of the filters and duck lips. EVERYONE laughs at them, and not in a nice way.

  • Trashbag
    February 14, 2019 at 9:13 pm

    She looks like a $50 backpage hooker

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      February 14, 2019 at 10:09 pm

      $50? Damn, that should be a full year of service from that scag

    • Boston Police Officer Emanuel Brandao
      February 14, 2019 at 10:45 pm

      I’ll have no know the going rate is $2400 for a tag team in Rhode Island.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    February 14, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    I love it when Ratchets dont have a leg to stand on, They just repeat the same sentences over and over and over. Must be they hope to tire you out to the point you leave em alone. They all speak the same way. Reapeat, Repeat, Repeat. Frigging Street Cheetahs. I can picture her bobbin her head back and forth they way they all do, while shes typing. Typical Chelsea trash.

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