All-Star Criminals

Chicago Bulls Flat Brimmed Hat Gutterslug From Marlborough Goes To Home Invasion, Forgets To Wear Mask And Is The Only One ID’d

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This right here is the poster child for the Turtleboy Hall of Shame:





This story might be the greatest turtle bait of all time. You don’t get layups like this handed to you every Thursday morning.

I feel like Lids should be required to keep a registry of anyone who buys a Chicago Bulls hat. Because the odds that they’re about to do something really grimy is sky high if you purchase one of these and don’t immediately bend the brim. We should know who these people are so the government can keep an eye on them. Studies have shown that they’re just as big a threat as ISIS in this country. Seriously, bring back stop and frisk, but only for people wearing Chicago Bulls hats. Crime will be cut in half. Just look at the small sampling of nudniks who have appeared in our blogs, who just so happen to rock that as their head-ware of choice:







And many more….

But of all the Chicago Bulls hat wearing slopbuckets we’ve profiled, Jonathan Pinho might be the dumbest. He went with a group of hoodrats for your average Monday night home invasion. The rest of his fantastic friends were smart enough to wear a mask. Ya know, so they can’t tell who you are. Not this mother fucker though. His pit bull ate his mask. Didn’t stop him from walking into an apartment with a gun and robbing people though.

Here’s my question – how long till he snitches? Or is he keepin it 100? Because I’m sure he’ll get off with nothing if he gives them four more names. I feel like he might as well. I mean, the guys who allowed him to go in there with them are equally as dumb. You can’t let someone come in with you if they don’t have a mask on. You have to assume they’re getting caught, which means you’re getting caught too. Failing grade for all parties involved.

P.S. What’s the deal with Marlborough? Is it considered a nice town, or a trashbag haven? Seen some really nice hoods in Marlborough, but we also seem to see a lot of ragamuffins oozing out of it.


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21 Comment(s)
  • juror seven esq.
    January 7, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    The three picture array tells me all I need to know. The upper right picture, with the thumb and index finger, he’s just showing the size of the dicks he likes to suck.

  • RBG's Beard
    January 6, 2017 at 11:30 am

    Sadly this mope isn’t even from Marlboro…he’s sullying Northboro’s reputation.

  • FiestyLawyerLady
    January 5, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    I’d do him!

    • Professor M(eth)
      January 6, 2017 at 7:06 am

      There’d be nothing left for you fiesty. I’d give him a gummie and drain his balls dry.

  • Lightning bug
    January 5, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    Framingham started sending all of its trash to Marlborough. Used to be nice, now the Bazillians is takin it over.

  • Sexual Chocolate
    January 5, 2017 at 2:46 pm

    Marlborough Turtleboy is 100% right. Since Sexual Chocolate has vacated the “Country Kind of City” many moons ago, it’s turned more into Framingham West. Other than Countryside Village apt complex, near Main is where the shitbags live. Particularly, Lincoln St. area.

    • Honorable Former Mayor Joe Ferrichia
      January 5, 2017 at 3:01 pm

      Great town east of Main Street. A Brazillian tenement colony west. + white trash.

      It used to just up on French Hill. Now slowly but surely is turning into Leominster. At least west of 495 there is business. Otherwise, it would be a quasi shithole

    • True Reality Speaks
      True Reality Speaks
      January 5, 2017 at 7:31 pm

      You forgot to mention all the illegals and other riff raff that the state puts up in all the empty hotels and motels in the city, all paid for by the taxpayers. It’s Section 8 for the hospitality business.

  • ButterBoy
    January 5, 2017 at 1:36 pm

    Where do you get those sweet eyebrow skidmarks? I had that hat in the nineties when the Bulls were good.

  • Turd Burglestein
    January 5, 2017 at 11:20 am

    His last name is Pinho, but it may as well have been Pinhead. And what’s up with those Vanilla Ice looking shaved eyebrow on one side only? I thought that fruity looking shit went out of style around the same time he did.

    • Talisman
      January 5, 2017 at 12:10 pm

      Wonder if the “known acquaintance” was in on it? Or was pinhead here the acquaintance and the reason he didn’t have a mask? Either way, he should have been properly ventilated along with the rest of the merry band of shit lickers.
      Go find em and drop a load on em Turd.

  • Captain Obvious
    January 5, 2017 at 11:12 am

    Nothing spells class like a neck tattoo and shaved eyebrows!

    • ElJefe72
      January 5, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      It also spells unemployable.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      January 11, 2017 at 5:55 am

      He didn’t shave his eyebrows, the other one is just still loading

  • Flat Brimmed Bulls Cap
    January 5, 2017 at 11:08 am

    I didn’t give you permission to use my picture… Take it down… Or you’ll be hearing from my lawyer, Richard N. Vulva.

    • MJordan
      January 5, 2017 at 3:46 pm

      Wearing a Bulls cap is the same is wrapping yourself in a rainbow flag…..

      • Wabbitt
        January 5, 2017 at 3:53 pm

        No, it’s worse. Because gay people don’t tend to be grimy criminals. Just annoying.

        • Kevin Lynch
          January 6, 2017 at 10:52 am

          Yeah… We’re loving and totally not murderers…

  • Marlborough Turtleboy
    January 5, 2017 at 11:06 am

    To answer your question, Marlborough is half hood, half really nice suburb. The closer to Main Street you get, the more riffraff you see. Honestly, you gotta do a boneride through to get the full picture.

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      Kevi bashed in my skull
      January 5, 2017 at 2:50 pm

      The nice half prefers to be called West Sudbury.

      • Marlborough Turtleboy
        January 5, 2017 at 3:33 pm

        Or East Marlborough, according to the papers they filed to try to become their own town in the late 90s.

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